Wedding rings\ wedding watch

[shinyblackgrape]

Dh and I have been married for around 6 months. When we got married - dh decided that he didn't want to wear a wedding ring just because he wasn't very keen on rings.

I would have liked him to wear a wedding ring but, in the spirit of compromise, agreed that he would get a lovely watch instead which he had engraved.

Tonight, DH was googling various watches on the Internet. I asked him what he he was doing and he said he was thinking of getting another watch as he " liked watches". I am absolutely furious about this and said it was the same as me deciding to just buy another couple of meaningless but nice rings and wearing them instead if my wedding and engagement rings as I "like diamonds".

DH totally refuses to accept this. I'm so upset and angry that I've actually taken off my wedding and engagement rings and just replaced them with another ring that I like but one which is entirely meaningless to our relationship.

I'm currently 5 weeks pregnant and so hurt that DH not so much of the -D at the moment-- thinks this about this watch which I thought would be so special to him

Uh... I think you both got the wrong end of the stick here. I guess you didn't tell him beforehand that the watch you got him was going to be the only one he could have (and to be honest, I don't think that's reasonable either coming from being the wife of someone who loves watches!)? Also, just because you have engagement and wedding rings doesn't mean you can't have any more rings either!

Just because he is looking to buy another watch doesn't mean the one you gave him isn't special. However, if you are upset because you want him to visually represent his love for you by wearing the watch, then this is something you should have discussed with him. Are you still upset with him because he refused to wear a wedding ring? It sounds to me that you obviously weren't happy with the compromise. If you want him to wear a ring, you need to tell him so and how much it means to you. I don't think it's fair to say he cannot buy or look at another watch again just because you bought him one in place of a wedding ring!

For what it's worth, my husband wears a wedding band and he's not a jewellery kind of guy. It's something you can get used to! However, we were both young and dead broke when we married so we both had titanium wedding bands. We later replaced those with nicer white gold bands. I still have those titanium rings for sentimental reason. He also bought me my engagement ring late (years after we got married), I wear both rings everyday. However, I have also bought other rings since and I wear them on my other hand. My DH loves watches and my family bought him an Omega Seamaster watch as a wedding present as it was his dream watch. He only had cheap watches before. He wore that watch faithfully for years but finally outgrew it. He's bought other more expensive watches since. We got it serviced and it's like brand new and we've both agreed it will go to DS1 when he turns 18.

What did you say to each other when you married - something like "I give you this ring as a symbol of our marriage...." ? To me it's a symbol, exchanged on the day, and yes full of meaning, but only a symbol, not the actual love or marriage, or relationship between us.

I do know many people who wear other rings, usually on other fingers, but I suppose that wearing 3 or 4 watches at the same time would look a bit odd .

Aw Shiny, I can understand why you are upset, I would be too...however all I can say is try not to take it personally...I work in a jewellers and from experience find that so many men hold little sentiment in a piece of jewellery/watch whereas to us its something really important that symbolises something so special. He won't even have though about it and I'm sure isn't doing it to be malicious. Nit quite the same but if it makes you feel any better I had similar-ish fall out with my dh not long ago....for his 21st birthday (we are now 33) I saved up for ages and skinted myself to buy him a posh watch cos I knew how much he wanted one..he'd been banging on about one ever since we got together so I knew it would be something really special and appreciated. Sure enough it was, he wore it loads and loved it. However last week he mentioned selling it on ebay cos "he didnt really wear it any more cos he has better ones now!!!" (which I have also bought him). I was very upset, and after explaining why he did see my point of view so has decided to keep it after all. Will your (D!)H not compromise and agree to wear a ring if he insists on changing his watch? Not sure if you are religious or not but if you are then you could always go and get a ring blessed as many of my customers if/when they get new wedding rings (which happens quite a lot!!!) Sorry to ramble on!

Is it really that important to get so upset about?

You have a lovely baby on the way.

My dh doesnt wear a ring, I do. He doesn't have anything else either. I don't mind, its not really abig deal in the scheme of things.

Did you tell him when you got married that he wouldn't be able to wear another watch? If you did then he is being a bit insensitive.

I'm sure it still means as much to him!

I think you're being a bit silly about this.

Did you really think he was going to wear the same watch forever?

A wedding watch was never going to take the place of a wedding ring in terms of being a constantly worn easily recognised symbol of marriage.

The watch is personal to you two - which is lovely. But he doesn't need to wear it every minute for it to be meaningful.

If he likes watches he would either have to wear one on each arm or never wear another watch again. You have 8 ring-wearing fingers if you love wearing rings.

Will he care that you've swapped your rings? I know my DH wouldn't give a shiny shite and would laugh at how petulant I was being if I did that to reach him a lesson. It's a bit ridiculous :o

Come on, this really doesn't matter.

You're newly pregnant and hormonal - this is a silly row over nothing. Let it go :)

I agree that men don't seem to have the same sentiment over jewellery as women do!

i'm afraid i think you're overreacting significantly. unless you are in a religion where your wedding jewellery is anointed with holy oil (or something similar) and sanctified to God etc. (and therefore a holy object like a blessed rosary or a religious icon or something like that), then wedding jewellery is just a convenient symbol for use on the day of marriage...

i lost the ring i was wedded with... it dropped off my hand one day and i didn't notice.
my engagement ring broke after two years, and is unrepairable.
my DH bought me a channel-set ring to replace them both.
he never said a word against me for any of those things! it's just an object.

i got DH a titanium ring, for safety reasons (he works with his hands and can't risk a gold ring splitting in an accident and injuring him).
he wore it for a year and then took it off, saying it was too uncomfortable. i didn't bat an eye.

is your DH careless about you? does he disrespect you? those are the real things of marriage. not jewellery

Thank you all for replying. I feel like a massive fanny now to be honest. DH has explained that he wanted another watch to wear for playing sport etc. unfortunately he didn't get the opportunity to explain as I had run of crying

He has made me some soup and we are friends again. Most bizarre as one of the first signs of being pregnant was no pmt and I feel like I've just had 3 days worth rolled in to a power surge of 15 minutes!

Giggling at wearing the 3 or 4 watches at the same time though!

Aw honey pie, the first thing I thought when I read your post was pregnancy hormones! Perfectly normal and absolutely understandable but definitely worth bouncing this kind of thing off on some other MNers to test the water before you bounce a frying pan off his head.

PS, this hormonal thing last a looong time, I just found myself crying at britain's got talent and I'm so ashamed, my DD is a year old now.

Glad you got it sorted :)

And good that he was so nice you even though you were acting like a fanny being a bit hormonal. Sounds like you've got a good 'un there.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy :)