Bugger - My great buddy (male) of 23 years got pissed at the weekend and declared undying love via text :(

[Basics]

I'm married and DH has always been decent about it but a little bit . I never had to lie to him when I told DH 'look, relax, its totally platonic' . Do I really have to lose my lovely friend? :( waaaaaaaaaaaaaa :(

I'm proper heart broken - he's like my brother.

Okay, has your DH seen the text?

If not can you accept that your friend was: a), pissed and b), being maudlin about what might have been?

Has he made any contact since to say "oops sorry but I was plastered?

Plastered or not he probably meant it! i feel for you and had a similar experience myself recently...

God no - didn't show the text to DH. Friend said sorry about an hour later and hasnt been in touch since (very him to hide) . I feel like I would be leading mate on every time we had one of our marathon laughing sessions now. I couldnt reassure DH when he needs it now without lying.

Oh it's excruciatingly bad I've been there.

I had 3 months of embarrassed awkwardness then we got very drunk and I told him not to be such a nob

It's still in the back of my mind though and I don't hug him as much

Such a shame.

We have so much fun together :( surely having a riotously good time sharing a common interest with someone is leading them on when you know they want more?
I'll have to give up my hobby too. :( feel like Ive had a limb hacked off

I don't see why your husband needs to know. There is a big difference between lying to your husband and not telling him something. It's not really any of his business actually.

Whether you lose your friend or not depends on whether it was the booze talking and whether there is even 5% of you that is attracted to him. Because if you do feel any level of attrraction - that , combined with his feelings for you, could be a heady and dangerous combination. It's very flattering to be desired so you do need to have a searingly honest conversation with yourself about that.

If you can have a very quick, jokey, dismissive conversation (or a very direct one where you say if he feels like this it's the end of your friendship) then it could be okay. But if you start meeting up with him and discussing his feelings for you, I think you will have crossed a line re your husband. It would be inappropriate.

I did tell dh though ( and he's a friend of his as well... I did n't like the idea of a shared .. Between friend secret... It starts off the well you didn't tell him so there must be a chance bollocks

I don't think you should give him up, that's too bad. Can you make yourself less appealing somehow, become unkempt and smelly? Might put him off you?

How long have you been with DH? I mean as long as you don't feel that the marriage is only Ok if you have your friend, as well - that's the only thing I'd be worried about. But that's leftfield, anyway, from what you say it's totally platonic from your side.

I think you might be able to have him back once he is set up with some other chick, though

I have a male friend of, erm, 23 years as well, funnily enough, and DP is aware of him but knows we never have slept together or anything. And he lives miles away such that I don't see him from one year to the next. And he now has a girlfriend, so that means DP is not worried at all, I don't think.

So do your best to set up blokey with someone else and all should be restored.

Ouch rock and hard place spring to mind.

Not married so you can completely ignore me.

I think I would tell DH. I think that everytime I went off to meet my friend for this hobby or a drink even though it were purely platonic on my side a little part of me would be keeping something from DH as it is clearly not completely platonic on the friends side.

Good luck with what ever you decide to do!

I see friend once a week and we laugh non stop. I don't fancy him at ALL - shallow perhaps but he's much shorter than me and a bit chunky . I think having put this down what I am feel isnt about what DH would make of it - I love DH. Its that I think every hysterical giggle fit (this is basically the glue - we laugh ALL the time) would feel like I was leading my lovely friend on.

Yes, I can see that. hmm. It's really sad. But he kind of took that risk when he told you. I imagine he couldn't bear it any longer, so fair play really in a sense but OTOH he knows you're married and perhaps, it might even be easier for him to have brought it to a head so that you then say, I'm sorry, I can't keep seeing you.

Perhaps that's what he needs you to do. It must be very painful for him to be in love with you and not able to say anything or act on it - I know, I've been there. Either that or perhaps he doesn't love you properly but just has a massive crush, which will go away in time but he needs to be apart from you for that to happen I think.

May not be permanent. I think all round it'll be better if you don't see him for a good few months, then see what happens.

you talk a lot of sense flightty. Maybe he does need to get away. A break is a good idea isn't it?
Oh bother - that's my 'me' time down the loo. puh.

It's called being 'friend zoned' in some quarters. If he really feels like that I'd keep him at arms length until he's settled.

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