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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I dont want to know - but should I? Sorry its a bit long.

5 replies

fallenpetal · 23/03/2012 10:04

Ive been divorced for years, had little well almost no contact with ex in laws as ex's parents also divorced there were 2 lots iyswim 1 we see 1 I really dont want too

Anyway long story short this particular ex in law set have never made much effort with my children though slightly more with my dd than my ds. The last time they made contact was 4/5 years ago with their dd birthday party (5th marriage 4th set of kids) inviting my dd NOT my ds although they are closer in age.
I took my daughter against my better judgement, buying a gift and driving a long way. It was awful, they belittled me and my son but were very keen to see dd. I was quite disturbed by their attitude so vowed never to go again.

I have not heard a thing since until this morning - coming up to their dd birthday which is a significant one so I guess they are having another party to which I am supposed to attend yet again with DD only and buy a gift. I didnt recognise the voice at first, then clicked, said they had wrong number and hung up.

Im just not interested in pretending I dont have a son because they dont like him (he is lovely by the way, a gentle soul just a bit needy I guess) spending out again on a girl I dont really know to hear goodness knows what and to be then ignored again for how ever long it take till they decide we are worth it again.
It would be so very different if they were interested in both dc, ever sent cards (I stopped bothering after they subsequently missed my dd birthday and xmas following their dd party - not that they ever bothered before) Or in fact were actually interested in us generally. My 2 are much older now, they will question why ds wont be invited and their attitude. I really am just not prepared to go there and am now screening calls!! But should I bother?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/03/2012 10:18

Don't bother. Ex-ILs are entirely optional, especially ones that blow hot and cold like these seem to. If they are both the children of your ex husband, they should be treated equally and the contact should really go via him. I would turn them down politely and not give too much by way of explanation.

nizlopi · 23/03/2012 10:21

Don't bother. Its their loss.

izzyizin · 23/03/2012 18:55

Don't bother to go to the trouble of policing your phone when all you need to say is 'As we're otherwise engaged, we won't be able to attend' and leave it at that - no explanation, no names, no pack drill Grin

Sweepitundertherug · 23/03/2012 18:56

Don't bother.

And don't sweat it either.

fallenpetal · 23/03/2012 19:47

Thanks all - I will stick to my guns then :)

OP posts:
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