Emotional abuse and couple's counselling

[fetamore]

Not sure what advice I'm after. Stuck in an unhappy and (just beginning to realise) emotionally abusive relationship. We've talked about going to relate, but see from posts on here it's absolutely not recommended. I wondered why but can probably answer my own question.
A couple of years ago h and I were offered counselling. He had a session on his own and said the counsellor wanted me to come too. I went. They both sat opposite me and he proceeded to spout forth utter crap mainly about how lucky I was. She spent the whole time nodding, then said, well you could at least say sorry!!!!
So, if couple's counselling is no good, what then? Not quite ready to walk :(

Perhaps counselling for you alone. That way you would get to explore your feelings and why you feel the way you do.

So, in the longer term, if you decide to either leave or stay, you know not only why, but that it's the right decision for you.

If I thought your partner was taking the counseling seriously last time I'd say find a different counsellor and have another go at it. But, as he was taking the piss & simply using the session to humiliate you, I honestly think you'd be wasting your time. So don't give him the satisfaction. A solo session probably won't heal your relationship but it might give you the courage to walk.

Thank you, I'm feeling pretty lost and confused right now and couldn't face going through that again.

Why the bloody hell cant these counsellors recognise abuse when they see it?
And comments like "well you could at least say sorry"
OP if it were me i would have put in a complaint. Bloody hell!

Even the chairs were both facing me. Not sure if he moved his at the start of the session, probably did, but she could have said something. It was as if she'd already made up her mind before the session. At one point he said I was very lucky - he actually said "a very lucky girl" (git!) and she nodded in agreement. I was silent for most of it. Surely they're just a facilitator.
Just don't know what hope there is without some kind of counselling.

What the other respondents have said.

Couples counselling is NEVER recommended where there is ongoing abuse primarily because such men dominate the session and make it all out to be the other person's fault (as happened in your case). Its about power and control and he actively enjoyed seeing you squirm like that. Counselling won't help your man as he does not want to change.

Counselling for you alone is certainly adviseable; BACP are good and do not charge the earth.

The situation you describe is EXACTLY why counselling is never recommended where abuse is a factor.

She seemingly was taken in by his BS, or is too inexperienced to notice that he played her to get to you. yes a complaint would be valid I think as the pair of them have ganged up on you, but tbh you have a bigger fight to fight

YOU need some RL support. In the first instance call WA, they will listen to you and reinforce the areas that you need backing up in, namely that you are in an abusive relationship and will support you in your journey.

Ultimately you do have to leave him. There IS no other option.. The sooner you realise that there is only one realistic way to resolve this, and that is to leave.

IF he suddenly has an attack of the normals and decides to stop being an abuser, ONCE he's proved he's changed, you can always go back.... (take a seat though, it could be a while... if ever)

The ONLY and infinitesimally small chance that men ever stop abusing their partners is when ALL the support they have from ALL corners in their lives is removed from them as a result of their recognised and publicised abuse of you.

Even then, it's a slim chance that they will allow their conscience to be pricked and relinquish their entitlement to abuse you.

Look at this relationship as doomed. It is. I'm sorry. I know that will upset you, but in some way if you face that fact now, you will soon come to appreciate that this abusive treatment of you will stop. You will live in peace, there will be no more insults, names, put downs, silences or worse.