If you go 50:50 custody after divorce, how do you afford a house each?

[Hedgerow7]

Well that is it really! I am hoping some of you could tell me how you manage it.

I am in the common position of wanting to separate from my husband but very worried about the effect on the children, three of them, and also how we would manage financially.

It would be bearable if we could stay in the family house but I don't think that would work with us. I am pretty sure that my husband would want to go 50:50 on time with the children so we would both need a big enough house.

If you sell a family home you cannot then buy two family homes with the same money can you? This is my problem.

I work part time but even if I worked full time I wouldn't earn much and I can't see me affording a mortgage. After debts etc i would probably come away with £120,000 for my share from selling our house. Not much in the property market when you've got three children.

So in a nutshell, if you went, or are going 50:50 and selling the family home, how did you or will you manage? This is a major mental obstacle for me to get over and before I go to CAB etc I thought I would ask you great people. Thank you.

Bump.

Not me personally but a couple I know share custody with both of them coming to the family home to do so and then renting rooms in houses/lodging in a room on the days it's not their turn. It means stability for the children but for the adults a nightmare - effectively still sharing the family home and renting a room.
Sorry, that's probably not very helpful, but just one example. Other case I know, wife bought ex out of house and he bought new home. But they were both in very good positions financially.
Do you work, are you in a position to buy ex out?

It depends on where you live and how big you need the house to be.

You could do with a 3 bedroom, or even one large bedroom for the children.

You might also have to consider a flat, or a smaller house, terraced in a less well off area. Or get a house where you can do a roof extension.

Have you checked listings on Rightmove, for example?

wow £120,00 after a 50:50 split is pretty good going! if you work can you not get a mortgage in your own right? Im guessing you live in the south where property is still a rip off ?

Didn't want to leave you unanswered, but it's hard to give a generic answer - so much will depend on your individual circs, and a solicitor is best placed to advise. Is there any possibility of keeping the house and getting a small flat so the dcs stay in the house and you and your ex take turns being in the house with them?

With such a large deposit, I imagine that a mortgage is likely to be very small anyway, so I wouldn't necessarily rule out the prospect of your being able to get a mortgage.

Anyway, worst case scenario, you end up renting - I rent, and it's honestly not the end of the world.

I guess you will have to work more hours in order to be able to afford a mortgage. 120k is a hefty deposit at the very least, you obviously have a lot of equity in your current home and you should be in a position to both be able to live in a 3bed house or flat.

with that kind of deposit, if you really wanted to split up you can get a decent house for £170-200,000 in many areas of the uk at the moment and that would mean you would only need a relatively small mortgage and it would cost you the same if not less than renting to have your own home.

You do end up poorer after a divorce unless both moving straight in with someone else. That is one of the things you have to consider when thinking of divorcing.

Yes you have to downsize. It is tricky. My ExH is buying me out and I am renting a small flat. The capital from him buying me out with either subsidise my renting or I will buy a small terraced house. I'm also applying for a better paid job, perhaps travelling to London (2 hours away) for 2 or 3 days a week.

It is hard after paying into a mortgage for nearly 20 years, and being used to a nice house, and then going back to living in the sort of accommodation that I was living in when I was a student!! But the children don't seem to mind. In many ways I think they prefer a smaller home, as it is more cosy. I keep their toys spick and span and well organised and this seems to be enough for them for now.

I haven't had any friends over yet though (only been 3 months) as I'm too terrified of the noise!! :)

p.s. Mine have gone from having their own big rooms with Daddy to having a bunk bed and sharing a small room. But it is okay. You have to suck it up I guess...

My current DH and I are both divorced, decades later we have still not got back on track with finances. Divorce is a financial killer. Also its not just mortgage/rent for 2 properties instead of 1 you need to consider - 2 lots of buildings/contents insurance, 2 lots of house maintenance costs, 2 lots of council tax, buying new furniture for the second house. It may be cheaper to build a granny house in your garden, you can get wooden, all year round ones, with bathrooms etc, for £25-30k. of course if you really hate each other then this won't work.

Well thank you everyone for your thoughts and experiences.

In answer to some of your points yes I have looked at what's available and I would love to buy a small terraced house but in the south that wouldn't happen with £120,000. I know it's a lot to have in your pocket but not when it comes to property. If I had one child then it might seem more.

I would have to look into the mortgage situation. I just assumed I would be so strapped for cash that I would have to keep any bills down but you are right, a small mortgage might be possible.

The thought of the kids staying here and husband and I taking turns to live here sounds horrendous! I can see that it is good for the kids perhaps but at what price to the adults? Part of the reason for splitting up is to get away and have my own space! Ditto the granny flat idea, although the garden isn't big enough anyway!

Regarding renting, well I was thinking that that would just slowly eat my capital at the same time as disqualifying me from any helpful benefits. What do you think?

Thebighouse, thank you for telling me about your experiences. I must say, for me I don't mind a smaller house at all but when you've let your kids be used to space and their own rooms it's tricky isn't it? I'm glad things are looking good for you anyway.

Thank you everyone, it really does help to hear people's thoughts. I am already thinking of looking into mortgages which I had dismissed previously. If anyone has anything further to add I would love to hear it.

move to a new area, I moved from the south to the midlands because of financial pressures and quality of life and we are all much happier, sometimes I think a fresh start in all senses is what we need. Financial pressures are at the route of a lot of unhappiness

50/50 shared care of the children would be a bit difficult if you live in different areas though!

It depends if you OH wants to keep the "investment" of having the house.and staying in school cachement areas etc. Some friends drew up an agreement that (unusually) the husband would stay in the house in a very good area with the children until they were 18 and then the house would be sold and the monies split. The wife rented a flat with her new man. The house was sold a few years back and the husband had enough to buy an ex council house and the children got a good whack too.

I have an acquaintance who lived in a victorian house with steps down to a basement. When they split they spent some money converting the basement into a one bed flat and moving the kitchen upstairs etc - so the husband could share care and see the kids every day- it was an amicable split and seemed to work ok until he found a new permanent partner.

Buying an ex council house or flat 1950's type build is often cheaper than period.

You need to try not to be angry with one another and do the financially literate thing. My BF ended up with a lump sum which was eaten up by renting (she couldn't get a mortgage)and then was able to top up with HB but no longer had a buffer, her ex did the same and now they both lament the loss of the money they could have had for their kids future if they could have agreed about keeping the house or at leaast renting it out to tenants etc.

Hey

I'm hoping to revive this thread to see how you got on @Hedgerow7.

I'm now in exactly the same position as you were when you posted. I've been trying to make things work with my husband, but after a really tough couple of years I'm finally ready to give up. I've wanted to stay together for lots of reasons, primarily the wellbeing of the kids have have that loving, stable home life and the keep the house and the shared finances, but it looks like being together and happy is impossible.

I'm think I'm looking for a bit of hope really - that life on the other side of a divorce is worth the loss of the house and the money etc....I can't see how that's possible at the moment.