How do you initiate sex with your partner?

[mattysmum09]

Once you have been together a while how do you then initiate sex with partner...?do you just ask them if they are up for it that night or try and subtly get them in the mood....I have higher sex drive than my partner, we dont live together so cant just snuggle up to him in bed and hope it happens, plus 8 month old baby so obviously has to work around that, and cant take all night!

Cuddle and a knowing look? then put my hand in his pants

Have you asked him what turns him on?

You might go with trial and error, otherwise, because all people are different.

However, try not to pressure him.

It must be difficult living apart and with a baby. Speak to him about it and discuss things that you can say or do for both of you to know when it is good. Something simple like putting something a specific colour out in sight. Then without actually having to discuss it or ask (god forbid a woman asking for sex!!), then if nothing happens then you know he's not in the mood. But the hardest thing is not taking offense to him not wanting to.
As you have already mentioned you have a higher sex drive than him, so please do your best to not be offended.
Also bringing it up may be embarrassing but the sooner you find how to work this for both of your benefits the happier everyone will be.

good luck.

One of us will say something like 'got any plans for the next seven minutes?' then we will both giggle like the idiots.we are.in an arch voice. The old cuddle with a slightly passionate kiss is.a.good opener, I reckon, cos.its relatively easy to turn down with no hurt feelings. . .

But if it is worrying you, would it help to talk to him?

I'd just try kissing him and a bit of suggestive groping

just ask.
stand nekkid in front of him and point to the bed.

'Fancy a shag?' normally works.

Or taking all my clothes off and walking in front of him naked if he's on the computer/xbox

We are a) dead technical and b) overgrown teens so we've perfected the art of foreplay by suggestive text. My personal favourite 'Get naked. Bring wine'

Take his hand and lead him to the bedroom - he gets the hint :)

I think after a while you do develop a kind of shorthand with each other, if we haven't had sex for a few nights one fo us only has to send the word 'aaaaaaaaaages' to the other to kwo exactly what were talking about.

I also second the cuddle/passionate kiss road.

supporting nudist booze shopping there, eh, Cogito ?
it's the folks in the Offie I feel sorry for.

I've been known to wander past him murmuring "I'm going upstairs to take all my clothes off. Want to come?" but I do agree that a suggestive text can do magic :)

i just start snogging him usually does the trick and gets my point across.....

The poor male can often have performance anxieties.
Perhaps the focus should be on initiating ye olde cuddle - and warming him up from there.

One of us used to say "shall we go for a lie down" in a silly voice. That was ex.

With new man I don't need to instigate it at all, early days and all that.

I don't really know what to suggest because generally it's me with the lower sex drive in long term relationships and I hate being pressured, I just withdraw further.

I just go with a passionate kiss, however because I tend to have a ridiculously high sex drive I tend to let dp initiate things so he doesnt feel pressured, he generally knows I Am up for it.

announcing "I am off for an EARLY nudge nudge- NIGHT wink wink " usually works, AND as a bonus he has worked out the difference between that and the "I am off for an early night cos i am knackered and don't dare disturb me--"

or announcing I have no underwear on, or the best underwear. Sometimes if he is on the phone I pass him a note to that effect. :D

Just kind of a cuddle, which you can then see if he wants to turn it into a kiss, then a more, erm, advanced kiss then whatever next step seems natural, etc.

I agree with emma that for the partner with the lower sex drive it can be really intimidating to just have it presented really suddenly. However if it's a natural progression from some general cuddling/kissing then all is great! Just make sure you don't try to turn every single kiss/cuddle into sex, because then even that becomes intimidating :( I doubt you would do this, though!

With DP where I'd say our sex drives are pretty matched (despite me always thinking I have a low one, doesn't seem so low now) and I've never felt pressure from him, anything goes, from a cuddle watching TV/in bed where it just develops, to him asking if I want to share a bath with him (also a good way to start things you need a couple of hours, really, though) to him just straight out asking "Are you horny/do you want to have sex?" or saying "I'm going for a lie down, if you want to join me." or "I'm going to bed. Wake me up if you want sex."

I don't do as well with the direct asking, especially if I'm not particularly feeling it, even if I think, hmm, yeah I could go for that, it's often awkward for the first few minutes until things get going.

We like text each other dirty stuff through the day for when we see each other later. Also when he gets out teh shower later I often start sucking him off probably cant do this once the kids are older and we dont have so much privacy!! and failing that just ask

I just go to bed naked.

I say "Do you fancy a shag" or earlier in the day, urgent text saying "I really need sex tonight". Been married very very long time. Lost all subtlety over the years.

give him a bj, cuddle, stand naked over him while he lays on the sofa, tell him i want fucking, start without him