How attractive is your DP/DH/DW?

[TheEpilator]

I know this sounds mercenary, but please bear with me, there is a point to it!

Taking into account their fitness/weight, hair/make-up, clothes, hygiene and general physical attractiveness, where would you place your DP for how attractive you find them?

3 (I am extremely satisfied)
2
1
0 (I am neither satisfied nor dissatisfied)
-1
-2
-3 (I am extremely dissatisfied)

and where do you think they would put you?

anyone?!

Maybe you need to explain the point.

Explain, then I'll answer.

He's a 3

He'd put me a 3 too, bless him, but in reality, I am probably around a minus 20

my guess is op is seeing how many people are prepared to answer things like this

just me, probably.

I am very bored.

It was in relation to a questionnaire we both filled in as part of the Marriage Builders thing. I put him as a 2, he put me as a 1 and couldn't understand whY I found that a bit insulting.

shall I try AIBU instead?

Dp was described by two women in the same week as 'dishy'. They were both pensioners. I have taken the piss relentlessly ever since.

I want to be gentle, because clearly he's hurt your feelings, which I understand - I would have been gutted! (and revised my answer to -100!) - but I want to be honest too.

erm, the object of the exercise is to be honest, isn't it?

If he lies - what's the point of doing it?

Is this not a starting point for communication etc? What is it for?

oh, and - if you discuss it - you may find he just really hates your hairdo, or something.

It in no way means he doesn't find you attractive, I am sure.

I know the idea was to be honest and I really expected a pasting on the questions about domestic chores, income, spending time together etc. I honestly thought I was reasonably attractive, but this has made me realise that he sees something less than that.

I know I am a bit overweight, but I wear nice clothes (he only ever wears scruffy jeans & t-shirts) I wear make up every day, my hair is a bit unruly but I tie it back and dye it to cover the grey and style it nicely for special occasions. I never expected a 3 but I thought I would be worth a 2.

I would put Mr Palooza as a 2, I think he would put me as a 1.

I need to lose a shitload of some weight. I wouldn't be offended as I suspect if he was being really honest he would put me at a -1

Hey, it was a plus - it wasn't even neither satisfied or dissatisfied - it was +1 = attractive.

I am sure you are worth a 2. I'm sure you're lovely.

You need to talk to him. Find out why he chose that score.

Perhaps it is hairstyle, maybe it's clothes, perhaps he thought that, I dunno, it is on some scale of 'beauty' with some supermodel or something at the top. Maybe +1 means something different to him than it does to you

You may have thought 0 = nothing +1= plain +2 = ok +3 = lovely
He may have thought 0 - fine +1 lovely +2 +3

And I know, I know, they're supposed to find US the most beautiful woman in the world but my point is, it may not be the insult you are interpreting it as.

YABU if you are using marriage builders shite site

What??? This was on some questionnaire designed to HELP your marriage?? What?? What on earth is the point in rating each other's attractiveness? It will at best be pointless, if you both lie, and at worst be massively insulting. Attractiveness is not something you can really change, is it, apart from things like weight and hair style I suppose. But it can't be healthy for one partner to say to another "You're too fat and I don't like your hair and that's why our marriage is shite."

Seriously, I can't believe they got you to do that.

BTW I would give my DH a 3 but then he has modelled in his time :)

Oh and DH would give me a 3 too but that's only because he's kind. There is no point in telling someone they're unattractive, it doesn't help anything.

Don't forget the self-preservation angle!!

You'll know better than us whether he's the 'type' to think this way, but... far better to be the one 'rated' higher than the one not, yes? I would certainly take into account here the fact that a lot of people might get quite cagey about this kind of question and be very afraid to look like the overkeen one

If he expected you to rate him as 'average', he would most likely have been careful to try and hit the same level with you.

IYSWIM?

i think we'd both probably put each other around a 2.
I find him very attractive, but i wish he shaved a bit more regularly

I asked a RL friend this question today. She is very similar to DH in a lot of ways and came up with exactly the same reasoning as him (i.e. on a sliding scale you are somewhere in the top half, regardless of what each number supposedly portrays, so don't take it to heart.)

She also said her DH would probably give her a 3 and she'd 'know' he was lying and then wonder what else he was lying about, so I suppose you can't win either way with this question!

I guess I see it as on the positive side of the scale (because, without bigging myself up too much, there is no way I am a minus!) I am 33% attractive and I rated him at 66%, which in itself is pretty lame

Cailin, exactly. I also wrote reasons like "It would be nice to see you in something other than jeans & t-shirt occasionally" implying that the only reason he isn't a 3 is because he dresses casually. I can't expect his bald hair to grow back, or his skin to be a more bronzed shade all year round or change the fact that he's no longer 21, so I was being realistic, working with what I've got, not comparing him unfavourably to movie stars!