Get me out of this self pity!

[SunSoakedStone]

DF announced she is pregnant last night. We're very close. I was friends with her DH as well for years, and introduced them to each other. I know she's wanted kids for ages but DH has been ill with anxiety and other MH issues. So now it's happened I want to be happy. But Im not.

I know her DH will be so anxious about the whole thing that he will be at her side the whole time. He'll read books, do research, do the cleaning for her, cook for her, discuss names, shop with her for baby gear, go to scans, go to the ANC, treat her like a queen, fret about her, talk to her, hug her on bad days... and he SHOULD. But... I know its going to crush me a bit.

Disclaimer: I have no romantic feelings for her DH! However, my DH did none of those things. He wasn't interested in first pregnancy, vile when i got PND, ignored MC, cheated during 2nd pregnancy when i had prenatal depression and never really 'got' what you need in those situations. He's a workaholic and doesn't drink much but invariably goes missing or breaks the law when he does.

Please no 'leave the bastard' flaming. I need to be a good friend and get over myself. How? I hate not being happy for her.

The problem here, is that your DH is a dick. But you know that.

Yes I'm aware of this.

I think you should consider having some counselling to help you to accept and mentally move on from your own experiences.

There is no point comparing yourself with anyone else, we are all different and all have different experiences and perceptions. She may well be treated like a queen during her pregnancy, that doesn't mean that she doesn't have negative stuff as well in her life.

Are you still with your DH? Are you happy with him now, have things improved? If not, is there any chance of them improving?

I'm having counselling. It makes me wallow in it all though, as that long indulgent post will testify. You have a point though AgathaFusty.

She's got what you also deserve. The only way to get over that is to be in a strong position yourself, and that ain't going to happen while you're in an unsupportive relationship...

Yes we're together and things have improved since having DD. DH is a good dad to actual born children and we love each other. Im just so bitter still.

But yes he isn't massively supportive eve now.

But you have 2 fab dc, youre having counselling and you managed to get through all that shit at a really vulnerable time...you are strong and whilst its nice to be fussed over a bit and coddled it can get overbearing.

You got through that and still want to be with your Dh so somethings got to be working hasnt it?.

Wont be long though before your hormonal pregnant friend is moaning that her Dh is driving her mad (smile).

nickschick she already is! Her DH is very needy and i suppose at times i quite appreciate how self assured my DH is. He was good at the births- calm and non irritating. And babies don't scare him. Her's will not cope.

- See!! and your being a great friend by recognising your feelings and dealing with them before it effects your friendship....shes probably wishing her dh was more like yours.....we always want something we dont have my own dh didnt come in theatre with me when I had ds3 by CS.....something I never let him forget!

Thanks. I know they will be ok as he's such a nice guy but your right