advice for someone I know in very bad relationship

[LizaTarbucksAuntie]

so, friend of a friend is in a toxic and probably violent relationship.

Friend has asked me for advice on what she should do and say to help because i've 'been there' and I find it really hard to know what to say because I couldn't talk to anyone and had to make the decision to leave myself.

I'm also not great at advice - what would you tell her? She has no family (Mum died a long time ago and Dad is very ill - possibly contributing to the 'protective fella front he's been putting on) They don't live together but are near neighbours so he's pretty much on her door step.

I don't mean to drip feed but I don't know the friend very well.

Thanks I'd really like to be able to help her.

There's honestly not much your friend can say to her friend that will have much effect. Just tell her to make sure she lets her friend know that whenever she should need her, for whatever reason, at whatever time, she'll be there. Knowing this will give her some comfort/strength. She has to want to break free before she can/will accept help. Unless she has expressed to your friend how desperate she is to get away, then chances are she is probably still living in denial/hope that it will all be okay if she just hangs on in there.

Tell your friend to visit www.womensaid.org.uk to locate her friend's nearest branch and give her the number to call during usual office hours as the 24/7 national helpline is often oversubscribed.

Thanks Bang I had a horrid feeling you were going to say that.

am :( :( for lovely friend of friend.

There's nothing really that anyone can say. She won't leave until she reaches her limit.

I'm speaking from experience here.. been getting help and advice on this board for two years but I finally ended my relationship on thursday, he moved out on Monday. I know people were getting frustrated with me, and things were going round in circles but it just couldn't happen until I had my lightbulb moment.

I hope hers is sooner rather than later and she's very lucky to have a lovely friend and friend of friend like you two :(

I hope so too crispy,but I was there too and I know I wasnt' ready til I was ready.

Just feel so sad about it, she is such a lovely woman and the more I think about the things I know, the more the bits all fit together :(

Thanks izzyizin (sorry I didn't see your message til just now). I don't think it's going to be that simple think friend of friend is very much in denial and my friend is hoping to find a way to move her along.

I couldn't think of anything that would have helped me because I was so focused inwards.

I've said I think the best my friend can do is think through practicalities so when friend 2 shows the slightest glimmer of hope about breaking out of it my friend can be there solving every single pratical query - very much I suppose like the threads on here do.

I'm going to try and persuade her to get her friend to get on here as well - the anonymity might help and if she can read other people's situations she might start to see it's not her, it's him.