Am I obsessed with this guy?

[JessyJ34]

I am a single mum of 2 and have been separated from my husband almost a year. He moved on very quickly and is now living with his girlfriend.
I however find it very difficult to meet anyone!
When we first separated I was a bit of a mess and very depressed with how I looked as Id gained alot of weight during my 3 rd pregnancy, I mean alot! 5 stone actually!
When we first split up 8 weeks after I got chatting to a local guy who is extremely good looking through facebook he had seen pics of me pre gained weight. I was too embarrassed to say I had gained so much weight but he kept on about meeting up and I gave in. He knew all about my separation and I was finding things tough.
I knew I looked completely different but didnt even imagine how shocked he would be. We had a nice evening together.
Please dont judge me on this but he lives with his girlfriend and I know of her and she cheats on him all of the time that doesnt give him the excuse but I wanted to mention this.
We had a nice evening together and I felt ok about how I looked. It gave me the push I needed to lose weight, since this very night I have lost 5 stone.
The next day he was lovely to me but the day after he said we had to stop texting. I was so upset more than when my husband left. Why?
I spoke to this guy for a week and met him once and why all this time after cant I stop thinking about him and wishing I could bumb into him? I know he has a girlfriend and Im being so selfish and even heard hes been texting someone new.
I straight away thought it was the weight issue but even after losing weight he still doesnt want contact.
He took me off facebook.
Am I obsessed with this person? What is wrong with me?

Well, yes, you are obsessing over him but no, there's nothing wrong with you that a dose of higher self esteem wouldn't sort out.

If you were sacked from your job you wouldn't turn up at Reception every day would you, mooning about and hoping to be given a second chance would you? The same principle applies here. This guy is not interested in you - 5 stone or no 5 stone - so you need to work on putting this one firmly where it belongs - in the past.

Im trying very hard! I wish I could stop!
Maybe it is my self esteem just keep wondering why he isnt interested! I know it sounds silly but it drives me mad!

You need to forget about him, hes clearly not interested, weight aside. With losing that amount I would imagen your confidence has grown? get out there and fill your life with stuff-friends, volunteering, new hobby, dating, whatevers going to take your focus of this arse. I think theres no point wasting anymore time thinking about him when you could meet someone lovely tommorrow.

Yes it has grown alot but I still question why?
Im definitely trying to do all of those things, its so difficult to start all over again after a separation.
My one friend who knows says he is such a sleeze and it a cheat. I wish I felt angry at him but when I see him Im stupidly nice to him. I feel so angry with myself for feeling this way. I just find it hard how my husband moved on so quickly and seems happy and I feel its difficult for single mums to move on so quickly.
Thanks for your advise it helps to talk sometimes :)

How do you know his girlfriend cheats on him? If you know this because he told you then i am pretty sure he's lying! He's trying to justify cheating too.

Its easy to get a bit obsessed when you are low, i know I've done it! He was minging a well!

Have you thought about speed dating? Sometimes i think meeting other people can help.

You have his word that his gf cheats? Seems like he was doing a whoooole lot of justifying to you.

He doesn't sound like much of a catch. Move on to someone more worth your time!

Love, after such a terrible time with your Ex, your self esteem was low, teamed with the weight/baby body issue, even more so.

This guy gave you a 'fix' of what hope is all about. You got hooked on that hope.

You know this guy is a Player, and is a total shit! Why on earth would you want a cheat as a boyfriend?

You will find someone again (Bloody well done on the 5stone off btw!) Just take it slowly, and don't go chasing a spark... IMHO that spark is actually a warning, so go easy and see what's what. Let them chase YOU!

Don't be in such a rush, slow is good!

He didnt tell me his gf cheats one of my friends did! She has recently told me hes texting another girl and it made me feel sick.
I havnt thought about speed dating but I bet that would be quite good, dont know if I could!
A fix of what hope is all about sounds about right!
I suppose it was someone paying me attention and he is a big part of the community a good job and a nice home and very good looking.
Thankyou for your comments and advise :-)

Yes well done on the weight loss! That's AMAZING!

As for the cheating . . . Its just gossip.

He went on a date with you even though he has a live in girlfriend. You went with him knowing he had a girlfriend. Why did you do this? It was never going to end well.

You have no real idea what his girlfriend gets up to, but you do know he's a cheating Shit.

Thankyou!
Yeah I suppose it is just gossip!
Yes he did and yes I did too, I dont know why I did it! I dont have an excuse I just liked talking to him, he was nice to me and I wanted to meet him. I know it was selfish.
I wish I was angry at that fact too!

Posted too soon . . .

So you know its not going to go anywhere and if it did it would end badly for you and the girlfriend as he's a Shit. So you need to move on.

Speed dating is good because you can look them in the eye. Single nights?

These might seem scary but you'll be fine. Id do it if i were single, it would be fun!

I ended a 10 year abusive relationship last year.

6m ago I 'met' someone on Twitter, it was full on, red flags from the start, insane, intense and exciting. Woke me up I can tell you. Then I twigged. MARRIED.

I was devastated, I cut him off, but then succumbed to contact again on the proviso that it was all above board. Of course it didn't stay that way, he pushed and pushed and pushed harder than EVER. I stopped sleeping, was nervous and felt sick the whole time. Eventually he kind of crossed a line, I rejected it, he flounced off. I blocked him and that was that.

of course I was sad, I was bereft. For a guy to be interested in me after so long of a horrendous relationship, I felt on top of the world! Then dashed on the rocks.

This is where you were. You now need to process what happened, understand that this guy is the last guy on earth you need to be with and I suggest you do yourself a dating profile somewhere, and sit back and watch the emails come in!

It'll give you a massive boost of your ego, and teach you to spot idiots at a mile off!

Take it slow, see who interests you, and safely arrange to meet.

This guy you met was a catalyst for change in your life, nothing more. Put him to the back of your mind. You don't need him now!

You probably got attached to him because it was new exciting attention. He was nice to you like you say. That's why Im suggesting you start trying to actively meet people. You will probably find that the infatuation fades when you meet other guys.

I know he wouldnt leave his gf for me Im a single mum and I know it was just something for him to do. When he cut contact it was like I just wanted the contact not for him to leave her or anything as I found the rejection hard! He just wouldnt keep in contact not even to be friends. It was quite awful at the time.
I do need to move on and Im trying I really am. I want to be mad at him too!
I will look into that speed dating I would be so nervous though. I still have about 2 stone to lose so when I feel comfortable with myself I might pluck up the courage.
Thankyou :-)

When women become single, very often they are seen as prey for local guys... Ooh bet she's gagging etc...

You have done really well to get your weight off, you are getting on with raising your DC and keeping your head above water. You deserve to be a lot prouder of yourself than you are coming across.

Try the internet dating, you get to pick and choose who you talk to and you don't even need a babysitter!

You need to engage in a bit of banter, a few phone calls etc... get back into the saddle and all that before you actually go out.

Yes I think it was the new attention from someone that people look up to.
I will look into this dating but dont have much confidence, Im trying! I know I should be a little more proud of myself.
Thankyou all so much its been so nice to hear off others, just being able to talk about it helps so much. I cant wait for the day I wake up and not think about him and when he passes me that i dont feel anything.