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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Told how i felt now feel even worse

23 replies

Chirpychick2010 · 20/03/2012 21:47

Ive been friends with a group of mums from playgroup for the lasf two years. BUt one of the mums has made me feel realiy uncomftable by snubbing me out from facebook and play dates days out ect. So i told her how i feel and now she says its all been my choice and shes pissed off at me for feeling this way about her! She also said she wint be at the next party that i had been invited to by another friend as i will be there so i told her to go as she spends more time with them anyway and i dont want to feel bad like ive caused it. I feel relly sick inside close to tears and know i wont sleep as its in my mind. Dint know what to do or think. So upset

OP posts:

NotANaturalGeordie · 20/03/2012 22:04

Well she's been a bit harsh!! Sounds like she's singled you out for some reason. Don't tar the whole group with her brush though, if she's been organising things and not inviting you they may not be aware or condoning her actions. If there are one or two of the group you get on well with, meet them for coffee somewhere. Any idea what she meant by 'its been your choice'?

Wrenner · 20/03/2012 22:10

Sounds like a bitch too me!

Lueji · 20/03/2012 22:12

Why would you miss the party?

Her problem. You are just doing what he wanted all along.

Lueji · 20/03/2012 22:13

she

Wrenner · 20/03/2012 22:13

Ring her! Confront her and ask what her problem is or if you have done something to offend her? I'm guessing one of the other mums knows what her problem is as us mums like a good ole butch/gossip don't we!

Wrenner · 20/03/2012 22:14

Bitch not butch!!! Auto correct!!!

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 20/03/2012 22:20

She said that when i was there it felt like i didn't want to be there with them and that she invited me and if i didnt go that was my choice she also made me feel the odd one out by having conversations about things i was oblivious to and also when i did meet one of the mums she didn't see often she didn't like it when she found out and started phoning and making a point of commenting on everything she did and really making more of an effort with her almost to the point of saying well shes my friend. She also said what was wrong with me texting her to find out what she was doing and she had made an effirt and thought why do i bother so it was my choice. And now shes upset my dd misses out on so much and now an easter party but i couldn't say I'm going as the other lady going is her best friend so id feel uncomfortable. I cant win hope that made sense.

OP posts:

NotANaturalGeordie · 20/03/2012 22:24

Sounds like she wants to be in charge of the group and as you didn't play the way she wanted you to her nose got put out of joint. Yes, you could txt her, and she could txt you but we are not in the playgound and if I don't txt my friends for a month or more we are still friends.
See the mums you like - it's not up to her to decide where you can and can't go.

Wrenner · 20/03/2012 22:24

One word... Bullying. She sounds immature. I hate this about some mums! She doesn't like when you meet up with someone?! That's pathetic!! Why can't you go to the party again???

Wrenner · 20/03/2012 22:25

Go to the party!!!!!!!

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 20/03/2012 22:27

This all transpired after months of this going on and id posted on face book. Ignore me i don't give a hoot, so she text and said is this about me? To which id said yes among a couple others which was a little lie but then as i say it was all turned round to me. Id said i wanted to be clear and didn't want an atmosphere. Last text she said she not going to party as she dint want atmosphere so i said don't be daft just thought be better to clear the air. She said cant do that as shes really upset with me for feeling this way about her. So i told her to go as I'm not and to take care and also i wont be made to feel any worse then i already have but I'm so upset by it.

OP posts:

AwkwardMary · 20/03/2012 22:31

Listen....don't lower yourself. If you want you could easily arrange other playdates with nothing to do with this cow woman. Just text one of the nice ones and arrange a playdate or coffee.

Soon when your DD is at school you will meet other Mums and she will make little friends who have nothing to do with this woman. She is a bully and you are a grown woman who won't be pushed about.

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 20/03/2012 22:37

She does organise all the outings its like were all joining her and her daughter and a few weeks back three mums left playgroup without saying goodbye which she said she wasn't happy about. They all go to each others house for lunch after playgroup which is a new thing lots mention of oh who's turn next week as i stand there like a lemon. Should i call her and ask her to coffee for a chat or leave it but then i risk her telling me to go away which will really send me on a downer. Sad ain't i

OP posts:

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 20/03/2012 22:42

Awkward thats what my friend said soon they will be in nursery. Before dd i would have told her to do one but all of the local playgroups we go to shes there and shes the one who knows everyone has all there numbers remembers all the birthdays and goes always one above everyone else. Ohhh i so don't want dd to miss out. I dint know many other moms if any ghat arnt connected to her. Did think about stopping going and have looked into groups further out of the area but i don't want to be stood alone as most groups have there dynamics now.

OP posts:

AwkwardMary · 20/03/2012 22:43

Leave it...dont go begging her...that''s what people like her THRIVE on! No...is there one woman in the group who you think isn''t so much in her power?

AwkwardMary · 20/03/2012 22:47

DD wont miss out...at nursery they make ther own little frineds and yes of course there are little tight knit groups in every school or nursery, the parents who stick together...but it's the KIDS who make their friends during the time that there are no Mums around...

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 20/03/2012 22:50

Yeah becky the lady who's party we will be missing is about the only one who is not up her backside just thought about texting nasty lady tomorrow and saying I'm going on thursday ive changed my mind or is that unreasonable as i cant just turn up as that wouldn't be fair to becky to mess her about or cause an awkwardness not that I've told becky that I'm not going yet

OP posts:

AwkwardMary · 20/03/2012 22:54

Just go! It's not the cowbags business who goes to Becky's party! If I were Becky and heard she had intmidated one of my guests, then I'd ram her fake smile up her bottom. Go...smile a BIG FAKE smile at the cowbag and avoid her.

AwkwardMary · 20/03/2012 22:57

And do NOT txt or phone the cow to inform her you are going...it is NONE of her business. Cut her off.

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 20/03/2012 22:58

I will hopefully meet becky tomorrow and have a chat to her. Thank you all for your replies. X

OP posts:

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 21/03/2012 03:34

Dont chat to Becky about it, just go to the party. You are fuelling her.

and fgs stop adding to her own, already well established self importance!

mathanxiety · 21/03/2012 03:42

Just go fgs. It's not her party. She is not the queen of everything she surveys. As for 'atmosphere' -- it takes two, and certainly you won't be contributing to it and spoiling someone else's event, right? Put your best foot forward and do not take the bait whenever it gets thrown. Be peachy sweet and nice to all.

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 21/03/2012 10:18

Thats right and even tho she has made me feel this way for awhile now I've always been polite and engaged. So no ill be very pleasant, haven't slept much really been on my mind.

OP posts:

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