Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

At the end of my tether :-(

15 replies

Mrbloomsnurseryfan · 20/03/2012 19:49

I really am at the end of my tether with my husband. He won't talk about things and if I try to, he just says oh I'll leave then shall I and sulks like a child.

Things that are upsetting me:

He has essentially ripped apart out house and not finished anything in it so we live in a building site with many rooms with no carpet.

He has dogs that he got because he wanted them even though I didn't and he then expects me to pick up the slack when he can't be bothered or is working away. He never does so much as was the dogs' bedding. I keep telling him when he works away he needs to get a dog walker to walk them as I find it hard with young DCs, work, housework and everything else but he ignores me.

He has got a spending habit and buys what he wants for himself when he wants it. We just got straight recently from a lot of debt he had run up and I found out a few months ago he has run up more debt on a CC. He also had to go to court recently for something and got fined 1k which again we couldnt' afford, but the offence was something very careless and silly, yet through his carelessness we are out of pocket. I can't imagine being allowed 1k to spend on myself but effectively it was 1k spent on him. He has some very expensive excess equipment for a hobby but he won't sell any of it even though it could pay off the debt he's run up.

He won't do anything in the house and leaves mess and stuff everywhere. he won't food shop or cook or do any cleaning or laundry. Yet I get moaned at if the house is a mess although I have young DCs and work to deal with too.

What do I do? He won't listen to me like I said. I never get time to do anything for myself, not even an exercise DVD or go for a run, nothing.

OP posts:
fabwoman · 20/03/2012 19:51

If he won't listen, stop talking to him.

Give him divorce papers to read instead.

neuroticmumof3 · 20/03/2012 19:53

He sounds like a complete pita. Why are you with him?

AnnieLobeseder · 20/03/2012 19:53

So what exactly is he bringing to your life? Don't threaten to leave. If you mean it, do it! The more you threaten and don't follow through, the less reason he has to chance because he knows you don't mean it. He is very happy with a housekeeper, cook and childminder.

He doesn't respect you, and probably never will. If he did love and respect you, he wouldn't treat you like dirt in the first place. If you love and respect someone, you try to make their lives better, not more difficult.

AnnieLobeseder · 20/03/2012 19:54

Sorry, just noticed it's him threatening to leave, not you. I say show him the way to the door next time he says it.

AgathaFusty · 20/03/2012 19:57

He sounds like a complete tosser. So, apart from being a financial liability, no help around the house, selfish, and bad pet owner etc etc, is there anything good about him?

Goawaybob · 20/03/2012 19:58

What are you getting from this relationship?

Dee03 · 20/03/2012 19:59

Kick his arse out

tobeheard · 20/03/2012 20:03

He doesn't sound like a nice husband to have. Where is the support for you? Where is the respect? It doesn't sound like your needs are being met at all. I'm sure you deserve much much better than this lazy, selfish, immature idiot.

Mrbloomsnurseryfan · 20/03/2012 20:27

I just don't know what to do, whether to continue with the marriage or whether to leave and give him a wake up call? I feel so low at the moment and very tearful today, I feel I've just had enough

OP posts:
Goawaybob · 20/03/2012 20:31

If you leave to give him a wake up call, you have to be prepared to stay left. Only you know if you want to stay - but don't leave to kick him up the arse. He sounds vile tbh and you do not want to be dragged into debt. It is very damaging. I would make an evening so you can talk, write a list of things that have to change, ask him what he is going to do to make those changes - sorting the debts and cutting up credit card bein priority. If he isn't willing to at least have that conversation and try, then i think you have your answer

AgathaFusty · 20/03/2012 22:14

Why would you uproot your children and leave? Shouldn't he be the one to do that? Or would you prefer a fresh start in a house that he hasn't done DIY in?

You need to work out what would be best for you and your children, not what would be best for him.

Mrbloomsnurseryfan · 21/03/2012 09:52

He wouldn't leave, Agatha. He's said before he would never leave. I think I would prefer a fresh house tbh, he has pulled this one to bits.

Every day I wake up and I feel resentful. Resentful that I have to sort his pets out, sort the kids out and get to work. Resentful that I have to think on behalf of everyone in the house. He won't even wash up the DCs lunchboxes or load the dishwasher after tea, it's just all left there for me to do it.

OP posts:
NicknameTaken · 21/03/2012 09:55

Sounds like life would be considerably better without him. I don't have much disposible income, but how happy I am that my ex doesn't get to "dispose" of it for me!

Mrbloomsnurseryfan · 21/03/2012 10:04

I feel at the moment like I never have anything for myself. Every penny I get seems to get spent. If I sell anything on Ebay, he finds something to buy on Ebay to empty the paypal account. We have a separate account into which we pay enough each month for the mortgage and essential bills and I've noticed he's been dipping into that too. It's ok for him as when he's away he stays in nice hotels and has meals out, all paid for by work, whilst the kids and I are scrimping and saving at home.

OP posts:
NicknameTaken · 21/03/2012 10:08

Do you want to share your life (and assets) with someone who ultimately doesn't give a flying fuck about your well-being?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread