Marriage....what to do?

[hibo]

not been on here before and not quite sure what to expect but my sister swears by it sometimes..... I am married with 2 kids, suffer with depression and recently had met someone else, I am soooo against affairs etc due to expereinces when little myself. Anyway, I wouldn't have done anything if I was happy and no-longer see him but still have the occasional contact. I can't forget what I did and don't really feel guilty but it has made me realise that I have been unhappy in my marriage for 3/4 years. It has now got to the point where I hate living at home and my husband annoys me, he loves me dearly but if I had of had some attention etc before all this, things may have been different i.e. little too late. He is a great dad but does drink a lot, always has but it's getting worse as he says I have 'messed his head up', I feel i really want to leave but still have a caring side for hubby, i am not heartless, but also so worried about my kids (7&4). it got so bad recently that i did consider something silly but didn't and have seen my GP etc. I do have a supportive sister and freinds and family but how to I own up to hubby that I don't want to be there anymore???? Where do I go?? Do I take the kids?? It would be nice to hear some other personal stories and get some ideas on what to say, what to do etc. thanks x

Hey
Do you take medication for your depression? Sometimes depression can cloud our judgement on lots of things in life!
Did you tell your husband about the affair? Was it an affair? You mentioned your husband says you have messed his head up?

Yes I do think depression could cloud your judgement a bit. I think you need space. It might feel like that's what you want but might to be that deep down eg depression etc but I think you maybe should move out and go and stay with relatives and get some head space to work out what you really want. If that's not possible I think a break away would do you good.

I'm not surprised you suffer from depression if you are married to an alcoholic.

It could well be that your crush is just a wake-up call of your unhappiness with your current relationship; a longing to be out of it (and with someone better).

What do you get out of your relationship with your husband?

Are you getting with him what you want to get out of a marriage?

Agree with others that depression, if not treated successfully can cause terrible problems for any relationship. However, depression (and heavy drinking for that matter) can also be symptomatic of an unhappy life. I'm sure you realise that suicide would be even more selfish & heartless than having an affair. Suggest you see your GP before you decide where to take things next. When you're thinking clearly, talk to your husband about whether you both want the marriage to continue and are prepared to make changes.... or whether that's not what you want, in which case it's kinder to end it quickly.

Wonders the reaction a man would have gotten with the comment " I would not have done anything if I was happy"

I think that's a valid explanation, male or female, when we're talking about the end of a relationship that's run its course. Different when someone's using it as an excuse to justify sleeping around but keeping the partner at home as a fall-back.

Yes I am on anti-depressants which have been upped again, have on several times tried to reduce but then I end up worse. For many years my husband has gone out, not come in until 1-2am and at times later and he would ignore my calls or reject them, how do you think that made me feel??? He always lied to me about smoking so why should I beleive or trust him? He can be quite selfish and stubborn and hates the fact that I work part-time (to help bring up the kids)and he works full time. He is a hard-worker and good dad but just feel there is no future. Deep down I want to have a break but if I mention it I am scared he will turn nasty (not violent). I am emotionally, physically and mentally drained. If I leave for a bit I don't know what is best for the kids, leave them or take them? I am so confused at the moment :-(

I think you would be best to ask your GP for counselling - it's important to understand what is behind the depression, is it your relationship and are you in a vicious circle with your marriage where you are both resentful for different reasons. When did the depression start?

I would say that someone else is never, ever the solution so please do not get involved with anyone else. It will only make a bad situation much, much worse.

Sometimes time away can help - do you have family locally that you could stay with?

thanks Smumpp. Am awaiting counselling for the ?4th time. I have had childhood issues sorted but end up depressed again but am still going to give it another go. The other relationship is over. Unfortunately there is a waiting list for counselling and so just waiting....