How do you get your mojo back?

[fondantfancier]

Basically that, before having DS and then DD 20 months later (now 4.5months) we had a great sex life, but now my libido has just disappeared.

DP is being pretty understanding about it but I'm not sure for how long because with 2 pregnancies and babies there's not exactly many chances to have sex anyway and those times when both children are asleep I either don't feel like it or am just too knackered to contemplate it. Poor bloke must be frustrated to say the least.

The few times we have done it I've just felt fairly flat throughout (I really did try to get into it and didn't just lay there like a sack of spuds).
Since having DD I'm also struggling to orgasm, which was never really a problem before....will it come back, don't tell me it's gone forever, how depressing would that be?

Any advice at all on how to get back on track, or do I just need to chill out and it'll happen away or are we doomed to a sexless life (please no!)?

No help I'm afraid, I'm going through the same thing! But marking my place!

Mine took a year and until after I'd finished breastfeeding, until I actually got some desire to dtd again!

Just relax and give it time. 4.5 mnths isn't very long and with two little ones you will be shattered.
It took me longer each time; I reckon six months after DC1, a year after DC2 and almost three years after DC3, but if you maintain a good relationship in that time, it will come back.

Oh, and I did find that when I had inklings of my mojo returning, that the more we dtd, the more I wanted to!

Relaxation is key. Free your mind. Free your diary. Best is to get the children completely out of the picture. If you can get relatives to have them overnight or for the weekend that's ideal. Catch up on your sleep, talk about anything other than children, make or go out for a romantic supper, dress to the nines, reminisce about when you first met, cuddle on the sofa, hold hands in the street, make romantic gestures.

Takes effort and planning or it won't happen.

Cogito good advice, a might out would be nice too
By the way what's dtd?

a Night.

'doing the deed'.... MN not normally big on coy euphemisms

pack the kids off to grannys for the night and go out

a few drinks, a lovely meal and just feel the mojo slipping back into life haha

do this as often as you feel you need to (weekly, monthly etc)

it's my sheltered upbringing that stops me writing s.e.x.

When DS was a baby I was very lucky because he slept like a top! Once he was off for the night, I would clear away all vestige of 'baby' into another room, light the candles, don the lacies and send the B/F a text along the lines of 'Get naked. Bring wine.' (Not a sheltered upbringing )

OP - don't put any pressure on yourself OP. Make an effort if you want to, but if you really feel shattered (understandable with two littlies!), don't stress. It will come back and I'm sure your DP understands. Believe me, it will return!

Thanks everyone.
Still bf (will prob for a year) so can't really get drunk and pack the kids of to grandma's quite yet, but certainly will once that's all finished. She is happy to babysit while we go to the pub for a couple though so maybe more of this will help.

I think Cognito is right, we need to be more romantic in the day with each other as it seems to have turned into a relationship where we talk about functional things, kids, work, etc... but not each other. Maybe a romantic meal with candles and an effort from both parties will help. Certianly more kisses/cuddles etc.. in the day would help me feel less like an exhausted mother and more like a sexy woman.
Don't get me wrong I love my children to bits (I could squish them right up) but it would just be nice to be 'me' once in a while.

Nice to know it's not just me and that after a bit it'll all come back with a bit of effort. Fingers crossed.