My sister hates me

[redwineandchocolate]

All in the title really. My sister hates me, for no reason that I can figure out. It's an issue for me as I am only twenty so will often come home in my university holidays for a few weeks at a time. I am not a perfect person but I really cannot think of ANYTHING that I could have done to offend or upset her. She's always been rather uptight but it's becoming ridiculous. She's just a year younger than me and nice to everyone else - but if I say anything at all she will belittle and ridicule me. Her boyfriend comes round every night and she will talk to him in a low voice while I'm in the room - if I try to make conversation with them as a couple she interrupts me and speaks only to him.

I really don't know what to do. I am too old to argue with a sibling, IMO - I want to get on well with her, and I want to be her friend and not upset my mum, who hates arguing. But lately when I come home she is so rude to me that often I have to go upstairs and have a little cry before I can face her again. What should I do? She continually insults everything about me - my cooking (too bland), my make up (too heavy apparently), my boyfriend (away with his friends on holiday - her boyfriend would NEVER leave her for two weeks, etc etc etc). I try so hard not to respond to her crap but I feel like I'm going insane. Do I have to just stay away from my home and my mum and other siblings, who I adore, rather than put up with this crap?

Argh, sorry for the rant. It's just hurtful because I feel that prior to me going to university a few years ago we got on really well, but now she just wants to distance herself from me as much as possible.

How distressing for you I can suggest two things that might be going on, perhaps - jealousy of you going to uni (what are her own plans? is she working or what?) and trying to be her own person, unfortunately by creating a rift between you.

I suppose jealousy could be some part of it, because she did go to university at the start of this year but left halls after 1 week and the course after 1 month because she said she hated it whereas I am quite academic and do well at uni. At the time I was so supportive of her, but since then she has really withdrawn from me. She has always been a bit 'bitchy' if I'm honest - she has no female friends at all and if a woman does extend friendship to her she will always reject it or just slag the said friend off continually. But Im shocked that she is being like this towards me because I was so supportive of her in October, telling her she should totally just do what was right for her and helping her to write CVs to get part-time jobs etc. She is now working but in a job she doesn't like so is looking for another.
However her boyfriend is well-off and they are looking at getting a mortgage on a flat or cottage together - to me that is unimaginably lucky at 19 years of age so I don't know if it could really possibly be jealousy... tbh if it was simple jealousy I'd be pleased as I'd feel less rejected!

The old green-eyed monster strikes again - it's pure and simple jealousy, honey.

In her mind, what comes easily to you - studying, making and retaining female friends, etc, - doesn't come as easily to her and she's chosen to console herself by disdaining your achievements.

If you can manage to rise above her nastiness you'll begin to feel sorry for her as you realise that, unless she makes a conscious effort to become a nicer person, she's always going to miss out on an active and well-balanced. social life with friends of both sexes and her horizons will never be as broad as yours if she can only get dead-end jobs.

As for your boyfriend holidaying with his mates, it sounds as if her jealousy extends to not trusting her bf to stay in line if she lets him off the leash.

Don't be surprised if you find at some point that she rewrites history and blames you for encouraging her to leave uni... after all, if you hadn't been so understanding and helpful with those job applications, she never would have left and, if it hadn't have been for you, she'd have got a double First, be heading MI5 or running a multinational company, etc etc instead of being saddled with a mortgage and kids in her early 20's.

It's an age-old story of what some people do when they can't be arsed to cut the mustard personally or professionally and you'll meet them in all walks of life. Shame one of them is your sister, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

And I agree with tge other two totally

You don't gave to see why.... It could just be tgat she feels she can't live up to her big sister. The fact is it is her problem and not yours. She must be feeling quite low in confidence/like a failure re uni which is why you are taking tge brunt.

In a way she may be upset that you have gone to uni and left her. You said you were close before she went. I also think you perhaps make her feel like a failure because your getting on with your life and she doesn't feel she is. Do you think she might think you like her bf too? Maybe he likes you a bit and has hinted at this. She probably feel insecure because to her you look like you have better prospects. It's her age too. She will grow up eventually I wouldn't worry. It's a phas she will snap out of it. There's nothing really that you can do the problem is for her to work out in her own mind. Maybe try ringing her a bit more when your at uni. Do you call her?