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Original poster

How much do you tell your parents?

18 replies

wannaBe1974 · 02/02/2006 13:07

My parents live in the same town as us and we see them fairly regularly. I wouldn?t consider us to be hugely close but we don?t hate each other either, but it would be fair to say that there is a slight personality clash between me and my mother. I went to boarding school from the age of 5 and as a result I always had friends to talk to and never confided in my parents if there was anything wrong, even though I do know in my heart of hearts they would be there for me if I needed them, I just don?t feel that I would be able to talk to them about my deepest darkest secrets. The thing that bothers me the most is the level of control my mum appears to want over me. Maybe that?s wording it differently, but she demands to know absolutely everything about me. If she?s at my house or we?re out and I receive a phone call or a text, she demands to know who it?s from, and if I don?t tell her she gets very annoyed and wants to know why I?m keeping secrets from her. She was very upset when I wouldn?t tell her how much my DH earns, frankly I don?t think it?s any of her business and how much money we earn is between me and my DH and no-one else, especially considering she?s always throwing the fact that he does earn a good salary at me when telling me I should buy this, and that, because ?If I had your money that?s what I?d do.? When I wouldn?t tell her how much he earns she told me that I was very strange because I don?t share these types of things with her, my mother. If she rings me and I?m out then she rings my mobile phone, I?ve started not switching it on so she can?t find me, she has also been known to drive around the area I live in to find me if I?m not at home, and if she doesn?t find me and she talks to me later, then she demands to know where I?ve been, if it?s just the shops then she wants to know what I?ve been buying, and so the list goes on. She is similar with my sister as well but my sister is a lot closer to her and tells her everything anyway.

So I was wondering, how much do you tell your parents? Do they know your every move and am I just being over sensitive?

OP posts:

compo · 02/02/2006 13:13

I livea 3 hour drive away from my parents and see them roughly every 3 months. I speak to them about once a fortnight and the conversation is usually very bright and breezy. I hardly ever tell them if I feel down etc. I just assume it's a bit dull for them to hear it!! They don't know how much money we have but they could probably guess as we don't have much!! The rest of my siblings live in the same town. My sister sees them about twice/three times a week and tells my mum everything, beleiving her to be her best friend. My other 2 siblings see them about once a week, sometimes less.

FairyMum · 02/02/2006 13:16

I am close to my parents, but certainly don't tell them everything and not the kind of things you mother demands to know. Sounds to me like she treats you like a child or some kind of best friend.

Fimbo · 02/02/2006 13:19

WB1974. Your post could have been written by me! I am an only child and it is very very wearing at times. Most people consider their mothers to be their best friend but mine isn't. Instead of leaving a message on my answering machine at home they just ring every 1/2hour until they get me. I have also been known not to answer my mobile if I see their name come up, it's sad really.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 02/02/2006 13:21

Its a little strange that you are going out of your way to avoid her so much. It seems to me that she is perhaps trying to build bridges/a relationship with you.

That said, i dont talk to my Mum much - she is quite nosey - which is fine - but she is utterly indiscrete and i know she would tell whoever she was sat having a natter with, my deepest darkest stuff because she has little else to talk about. I confide in important stuff that i need to with my Dad.

Neither of my parents know i have pnd - but my DPs mum does. Odd, huh?

robin3 · 02/02/2006 13:21

I think you have to earn the right to be a trusted friend on top of being a parent. Constantly amazes me what my Mum thinks she should be told vs what she is actually told. Truth is she has such strong views about things that I'd never confide in her and I don't want to know any more about them either. You reap what you sow.

That said I can't imagine wanting to know about DS's private life in 20 years time!

FioFio · 02/02/2006 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

coppertop · 02/02/2006 13:27

I live fairly near to my mother but we don't have a close relationship at all. She knows very little about what my day-to-day life is like and certainly doesn't know what our income is.

My brothers and sisters are a lot closer to her so she probably knows a lot about their lives. Even so, I don't think she'd pester them to tell her where they go or how much they earn etc. Your mother sounds a bit OTT tbh.

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 02/02/2006 13:27

i tell my dad everything, but thats how close we are. I speak to him 2/3 times a day and its great. Other than DH he is my best friend.

tangerinecath · 02/02/2006 14:42

Wannabee, I went to Boarding School from the age of 9. While my mum doesn't demand to know my every movement, she has expressed a regret that my being away from home so much as a child has meant that we're not as close as we might have been otherwise. I tend to agree with her tbh, we live 200 miles apart and I see her maybe 5 or 6 times a year and speak on the phone about once a week. She thinks I'm far too independant and that I should rely on her more than I do - difficult when we're so far away but she wants me to move closer to home.

Could her behavior be because she thinks she missed out being close to you during your childhood and she's trying to make up for it now? I know this doesn't really help your situation but perhaps it might explain things a bit.

spursmum · 02/02/2006 14:47

I don't tell my parents anything. When I left home I didn't speak to them for 3 months. Can go for weeks without speaking to them now. Nothing bad or anything, we just don't have that kind of relationship.
If I had to tell them something, I suppose I could but I was brought up to be independent and it just doesn't cross my mind to keep them informed. It's the same with them, I don't get informed of anything happening there either.

Lilyofthevalley · 02/02/2006 18:04

I tell my mum practically everything, mainly because she's never judged me and isn't nosy. She's more like a friend.

Blossomhill · 02/02/2006 18:18

My mum and I are extremely close and talk at least 3 times a day. I tell her everything apart from anything related to my sex life.

Aww JARM that is so lovely that you are close to your dad. I adore mine but he is hard to get close to

foxinsocks · 02/02/2006 18:37

Nothing - never have done (even as a child) and never will. It used to drive them mad and even now, I get calls/emails asking why I don't tell them anything! I only hope I can have a closer relationship with my kids.

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 02/02/2006 18:38

Me and dad have always been close. Before mum died, we never really had the closeness we have now, but i knew i could tell him anything.

Since mum died, we have gotten closer and closer.

bourneville · 03/02/2006 21:02

My parents live 1/2 hour bus ride away so me & dd are over there once a week. I am pretty close to my parents. Both me & sis sometimes find ourselves telling them too much and then regretting it because my mum is so keen to help out or find out information and both of them are too ready to offer their opinions that somtimes it can feel a bit stifling or judgmental! But, on the whole, they have been very, very good at getting the balance right in terms of being supportive/allowing us our independence. My mum hardly ever calls me, unless she has to arrange something specific. It is usually me - and same with sis - to contact them. Prob cos they are afraid of intruding in our lives too much.

I never talk to them about really personal stuff like relationship stuff generally.

I think your mum sounds way OTT and I would hit the roof if my mum was like that!

nutcracker · 03/02/2006 21:07

I see my mom usually every other day as we live close to each other. I don't actually tell her much though. We have lots of chats about other people LOL but not really about each other.

I speak to my dad a couple of times a week and see him once a week. We don't talk much either but I know if i ever had a big problem he wouldn't hesitate to support me. I fought for nearly a year to be allowed to live with him after my parents divorce, and i'd be lost without him even now.

madmarchhare · 03/02/2006 21:19

My Mum knows a lot about me and vice verca, but not everything about relationship with DH, finances etc..

Only thing is, she does like to pull the 'mother' card as well as the 'best friend' one, which I find tricky to deal with at times.

Over the years, I have felt responsible for her happiness at times which I think is wrong, particularly now I have DS.

Sometimes I do wish it was different, but then I do love her very much and then always end up feeling guilty.

See, cant win.

My Dad on the other hand (they are divorced) knows jack shit really, although we do see each other, its all just for show. Sad I suppose.

pebblemum · 03/02/2006 22:09

My mum is great and i tell her most things. She is like a sister to me most of the time but I know that if i ever need help or advice she is there for me as a mother. She has helped me through so much during the past ten years, i know i could never have managed without her. She helped me through a mc, the break up with ds1's dad, homelessness due to the break up, moments of madness when i realised i loved my best mate(male)and didnt know what to do, offering advice on parenting, more relationship issues etc. She is a rock.
At the same time though we have a laugh together and talk about everything from sex to dirty socks.

I'm close to all my family really but cant imagine talking as openly with dad as i do mum!

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