Aibu

[Machasma]

I am I'll. I had to get up with baby in the night and at 6am. Oh will not get up. I'm feeling terrible and he is in bed with a hangover! He is so very very selfish. And his main excuse is he works a hard job. Hate him right now!

playing stupid playground games is not on wretched...needling and goading someone so they snap is beyond despicable...then blaming them. This is the man who is so good with DD1??? bet it's only when it suits him....

bog off, PP, I will be back

I haven't had my morning coffee yet

He used to follow me around when I was wound up into a rage, he would hold dd1 up and say look you are upsetting her. When he had wound me up by muttering insults under his breath. I think it's terribly passive aggressive. But he knows I have a wild temper and plays it to his advantage.

I know it's partly my fault as well, must learn to control temper. Any loss of control and I lose ground and become a scrubber!

Or you could get to a better place where no-one is manipulating you and using your short fuse for their own sad and miserable ?pleasure?. Then find out whether you really have much of a short fuse........and if you do, deal with it?????

I don't know where to begin. He won't leave without a fight. And I am on maternity leave with dd2. So not much spare money. So pissed off with him. He is very lucky to have such a lovely family.

I said yesterday " I'm supposed to be your wife"

He said "you're not much of a wife we don't get on" !!!

...what do you actually want to do wretched?....your name says what you feel, I guess?

Why don't you start your own thread Wretched, then we can listen to you talk it all through and offer you support?

By the way, that why don't you start your own thread phrase is meant sincerely and kindly!

Wretched and Machasma why don't you pm each other and see if you're in the same area. If you are, and maybe even better if you're not, arrange a plan to top each other's dh.

This is the most constructive advice I can offer.

Honestly, I know it's only Monday morning but leave the bastards.

Don't really want to be found by a thread I have started.

I will think long and hard about what to do. Deep down I love him and he is not a bad man just doesnt like stress offamily life. Who does. But sometimes it has to be done.

Will strive to keep my independence and rise above provocation, that's the best I can manage at the moment, kids take up the Rest of my energy.

I've been where both of you are ... the same behaviour, same insults and worse.
I was totally alone (or felt I was) without any RL support. If I'd had a mother around, I would have taken DCs there or had mother round to help. No idea if that is possible for either or you at the moment. Or MiL? Or friend with toddler - you get a little bit of supportive company, possibly some help and the NSDH gets shown up or has a limited way in which to operate from what is basically a script of emotional abuse.
If you don't feel strong enough to bin the f*ers now, at least find some way of being less reliant on them as they will enjoy using vulnerability to goad and needle you.

He is a 'bad man' as he is verbally abusing you and failing to care for his own child. He is emotionally blackmailing you and bullying you.

A man cannot be a fantastic dad if he won't care for his children and fails to support their mother, his partner, particularly when she is ill.

I wish I could wave a magic wand for you Wretched and Machasma.

The only way to stop men like this being selfish arses is to leave them

They won't suddenly wake up one day and turn into the man you deserve

perhaps when enough women call them on this behaviour, there will be no safe palces for them to practice it

"Rising above" it simply means, long term he gets to continue to belittle and humiliate you. And that is what your children will see.

Hijack away wretched.... Really feel for you

There are some similarities. My oh cannot seem to accept when I'm ill. He hates it. He is always much iller.... I think he tho is of he ignores it it will go away.... Looking back he wasn't very attentive when I was pregnant....

Very confused because he really is a fantastic daddy just not a fantastic partner.

He's attitude is he works hard then comes home and has the baby for a few hours. Then when I get home he wants to put his feet up..
Despite the fact I have baby all morning then work then when I get in I have to cook tea and tidy house. My day is 6am-10pm and his 9am-baby bedtime. Yes he has a physically demanding job but it makes me feel like my job is worthless and I get so tired...

And I suggest reading the links here, if the shoe fits then you can join the thread and gain some insight from others who have been there too.....without being exposed in your own thread....

I am sorry about my ffs earlier, ladies

I really hadn't had my morning coffee and I get a bit frustrated when the only thing women can say about bad men is "but he is good father"

he isn't

Really intrigued by this thread as DD is 8 weeks now and the behaviour wreched is describing sounds so familiar - I don't lose my temper I internalise and make myself so stressed the skin on my hands disintergrates (tmi?) and DD gets really upset when her Daddy's here and making me cry.

In my case I am a bad wife as I don't look after him as much as I used to and he is nice for up to 3 or 4 days at a time before being an arse again.

I'm finding the lone parent forum helpful atm as, while not separated, doing all the parenting alone is hard hard work.

Wreched you're doing really well with TWO DDs, one being a baby and entertaining guests!

Ice, it sounds like you would be better off without someone like this. You are effectively a single parent anyway, whilst still having someone in your life who is slowly destroying you

What positive things does he bring to your life ?