Seperated from Husband

[Melxx]

I need some good solid advice. I told my husband back in January that I want a seperation. We have been together for 20yrs. The reason is he had an affair. I moved away from all of my family and friends just over 2 years ago for him. Uprooted the kids the lot, only for him to tell me after just 3 weeks he was leaving me for a 21yr old bar-maid. The affair is over now, but I cant forgive him. My mind is made up I want a divorce there is no going back for me its gone. My problem is getting him to move out. He just wont go. He has slept downstairs since I told him. I am living a nightmare. He questions everything I do, who I speak to and where I go. He tells me that I am destroying the kids and him for my own selfish needs! He is either on the attack, feeling sorry for himself, shouting at either me or the kids, generally just making life more difficult than what it needs to be. How do I make him move out??

I'd suggest getting advice from a solicitor. Mention his attitude towards you & the kids. He's just playing the guilty victim because the mistress didnt want him & he thought you'd bend over backwards for him. Good on you getting a divorce. It'll be better for the kids cause he's being bitter towards you all & they need to be in a home where it's stable & happy. You're not happy being with him & the kids will pick up on it. Good luck!

He broke the rules, and now he is paying the price. You definately need sound professional advice.

It will definately take time for him to catch up with the reality of the damage he has done. You will experience all his reactions, from disbelief, anger, regret that he is no longer calling the tune. You need to stay consistant with your decision, don't waver. Once you know where you stand legally you can start to move forward.

Meantime start carving out a new life for yourself, you have my heartfelt sympathy for his betrayal, but you sound positive and strong, so good on you for that. Who knows when he knows you mean buisness he may start to realise what a prat he has been and what he has lost.

Good luck, make that appointment with a good divorce lawyer.

Thanks for your support. He says that he realises now what he has lost but its too little too late for me. There is no chance of me changing my decision I have agonised over it for months, I wouldnt ever put my kids through this if I was anything other than 100% sure. Yep, you are right time to bite the bullet and go to see a solicitor. Top of my list for things to do next week xx

Good for you. He has not lost, he has thrown it away, and he did it all by himself.

Too late to feel sorry for himself, he should have thought of that when he was wooing the bar-maid.

Good luck with the solicitor - find out how quick this whole business will take so that you can get on with your life, and enjoy your new direction.

Just go straight for the divorce

You will have to put up with his whining self pity for a while longer, or perhaps when he realises you are completely serious he will do the decent thing and fuck off

I am sure there is another naive 21 yo who will listen to his bleating about his evil exwife somewhere for him

That is rich that he is analyzing your activities. Shall we call that projection??

we shall call it also pathetic

its very simple - marriage is a relationship built on trust, if that trust is betrayed then the relationship crumbles - you did not break the trust, he did. What is the timescale here? to start divorce proceedings based on adultery or unreasonable behaviour then 6 months is the legal benchmark. If you put up with something for more than 6 months then the law assumes you are OK with it - that's what we were told when we decided to split.

You need to get legal advice and find a way of getting him out of your life.

good luck.