When you were a kid did you go on 'play dates' and was your mum 'a part of the school gate clique'?

[YuleingFanjo]

Inspired by another thread (thread about a thread, sorry) which made me think maybe that's why I don't make friends with all and sundry but rather keep myself to myself and stick to the friends I know well.

I moved around a lot as a child but even when we were settled in one place for longer periods of time I didn't really hang on to friends. I have 2 friends from secondary school who I see infrequently and no friends from any of my primary school.

My parents were never really involved with other parents and I didn't have other kids come to the house to play with me.

I used to play on the street where we lived, there was a green there so choldrens from the whole estate congregated there and in the woods behind it. I did used to have the child of my mums best friend round, and cocasionally others, but it was never my mum who organised them, I'd just bring them in and ask if it was ok. This fizzled out once I got to secondary though as my stepdad was around and I avoided being at home!

Mums friends were the women in her babysitting circle I think. She's never been hugely confident and I have worked hard as an adult to get myself out there so that DD can see how it's done iyswim. So involved with PTA (which has been a challenge as I always try and cater for those who we usually miss at school and have made myself quite unpopular with the cliquey mums at times hee, hee!) friendly to everyone in the playground ( I abhor cliques) ... chat to anyone and everyone I come across. It was a huge effort at first because I think I am as shy as my mum was, but I really want DD to be confident socially!

We invite at least one child a week over for tea after school, and I make sure we get together with friends at weekends fairly regularly but it comes naturally now and I love it as much as she does!

Have NO friends from school at all, so you are already up on me fanjo,

What SnapSnafu said - we walked to school from about age 6 so no playground mums or hardly any that I can remember. We walked home with friends and maybe stopped to play for a bit or went home and played with the kids on our street (another 70s child!)

I never heard the term playdate until I had children in Britain, it's a thoroughly English word in my mind. I like it. Says what it does on the tin.

My 1970s childhood: Kids played out loads when we lived in a poor neighbourhood, almost never in the "nice" area I lived in later primary years. I found the same in my adult life (lots of playing out where we lived 10 yrs ago, poor immigrant area, very little here now we're in white suburbia).

My parents both worked FT, too, not involved with school anything.
It's considered a huge WOW privilege the few of us now in my extended family who don't have to have both parents working FT.

I am sure I've read plenty threads on here expressing considerable resentment at random children who frequently knock on the door asking someone to come out to play. With lots of yanbu responses.

Times have indeed changed!

No play dates; my Mum was from Austria which was akin to being a devil worshipper in my younger days.

She had very few friends and it took me a long time to feel comfortable with other people.

Even now, I am better in a one-to-one conversation; I get 'lost' in a group situation and almost clam up.

No such thing as playdates, we just called for each other and played out, mums didn't generally want other kids in the house, if you went out you stayed out, no mums round the school gate we all walked home alone or in groups from about 6 yrs old I should think and at 11 I had to take 2 buses into central London for scondary school. But all the mums knew each other from living in the same area from youngsters, everyone knew everyone, you couldn't get away with anything naughty because the old lady peering out of the window definately knew your nan. Very safe environment as well. This was NW London in the 60s, more like a village.

No playdates at all- hardly ever had a friend over unless it was a neighbour and even then we played outside in the street or went down the Park.

My mother is brilliant with people though. We moved into a new area and didn't know anyone. While I was hospital having DD2 she looked after DD1 and took her to all the local playgroups. She met 3 new mothers with toddlers and newborns/very pregnant chatted them up got their numbers I am still friends with those women 3 years down the line and our dds all still play together . She is more friendly with some of the parents in DDs class than I am as she chatted to them at DDs party and they all really liked her. Only drawback is people my age often prefer her to me!

We just went out to play, back to our own houses for tea and in the summer, back out again. Hardly ever went out for tea. We caught the bus to school and back.

I think a major reason for the change in behaviour is cars. In my parents road when I was a child a car was a major event now the lane is a cut through to the airport its like the M25 no one in their right mind could let a child "play out" there now like we used to do.

No, we played out on the street, on the local fields, and at the parks from being very small with all the kids that lived near.
No such things as play dates or any of that carry on.

One time when my little sister was a baby, the other Mums in the playgroup arranged a 'coffee morning'. My Mum came over, but was informed that she was about half an hour early, they asked her to go home and come back. As she left, she saw a load of the other Mums in the lady's living room drinking tea and laughing.

She never bothered being their friend after that. Don't really blame her tbh, they were bitches.

I have never done a play date and I never will. Kids here just tend to knock on their friends doors and go in and out of each others houses. With the younger dc I just tend to go to friends house for a cuppa and they happen to have dc of their own.

My parents had a very close knit circle of neighbours as they all moved into the new build estate at the same time, most had small dc and I can well remember the drunken dinner parties they all took turns in having and us dc were banished upstairs with crisps and a video. This was late seventies to late eighties I'd say.

I am totally the opposite to my parents. I have very few friends and I never do parties, playdates, kids parties. I am a loner and always have been.

Interesting idea for a thread.

Yes I went on playdates. Also walked home to friends' houses then phoned mum from there rather than just do pre-arranged things.

Looking back there was a school gate clique, it was a flash area and a lot of worry about label of clothes and ski destinations. But my parents didn't give a toss about any of that and we kids were pretty independent.

No - mother worked full time and I walked to and from school on my own from age 6 onwards so there was no school gate clique as there were no parents collecting children.

We played out in the street (this was in the 1970s) and just wandered into each other's houses and gardens. No play dates as such.

No such thing as a school gate clique: we all made our own way to and from school. And after school went round and knocked on each other's doors.

Parents socialised, if they socialised, as adults, with their friends, neighbours, what have you. Sometimes that coincided with their children's friends parents.

My mum taught at the infants school I went to, so she was never at the gate (I helped in her classroom before school, and played in the hall after school), and then at juniors I walked to and from school on my own, going to an elderly neighbours till mum got back.

No playdates, and as we lived on a main road, didn't play out either - but did have unfettered playing in the fields

No playdates with me either. I was an 80's child. Used to meet up with friends and play in the woods and go down by the river. Was walking to school aged 6 then took a bus at secondary. I always wonder how it all started. I have a 4 year old and I won't be introducing playdates either. Hate them.