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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Where do I go from here? I need to speak to ex step mum re abusive DH before she moves away.

1 reply

Wantobeanon · 17/03/2012 22:01

When I was younger I thought of my dads DP at the time as my step mum. They split and I still was close with her. She was in a new relationship and he abused me when I was 15. Long story but I then didn't really see her for years.

They split a long time ago and I have just found out that it is because he got a 17 year old pregnant. She told me this last week. I finally (after seeing her at a party and I was drunk) told her that I really want to talk to her before she moves away. I think she knew what it was about as she said "oh no". I said I need to know if she believes me (I didn't need to tell her about what, she knew). She said that he was a very good liar and very convincing. I assumed she didn't believe me at the time as she went on to marry him.

I think she misheard me as I wanted to know if she believes me now, not back then. After she told me what a good liar he was, thats when she told me the reason for their split as I told her I was always worried it had something to do with my younger step sister (her DD).

It was easy at the party as I had had a lot to drink and I always have far more confidence, I rarely drink though.

Now I don't know how to approach it but she is moving away in a month but its something I need to get off my chest. It has been on my mind for 15 years.

What should I do?

OP posts:
olgaga · 17/03/2012 22:35

I think by the sound of it she probably knows. I suppose the only thing you can do is seek her out and ask her to meet, but you need to be prepared for her not really wanting to know, and/or not believing you. Even if her own daughter may have been at risk.

Why do you want to talk to her? Is it to understand whether she believed you at the time but went ahead and married him anyway? She probably would believe you now after what has happened. Or are you unsure that she fully understands, and want to know if her daughter is OK?

I do feel for you. Do you have an understanding GP? All I can advise is don't leave it too long to get help, it doesn't tend to go away and you can get help to live with it.

Some people find that talking about it just isn't enough, and can even do more harm than good.

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