Seriously, what are the chances I will die alone and be eaten by an Alsatian?

[PepeLePew]

I guess I could avoid this by not having an Alsatian, but I am beginning to wonder what the chances are that I will never go on another date, or have sex again.

I've been single for two years, divorced for one. Two small-ish dcs. Full time demanding job. Tired, stressed and a bit grumpy. Nearly 40.

But I have lost weight, smartened up my image and generally look better than I did when married. Despite that, I swear it is as if I am invisible to the opposite sex. And I don't know any single men, nor, it would appear, do any of my friends. To be fair, I haven't made a point of asking them, but they aren't exactly falling over themselves to offer up single friends I might want to go on dates with.

I suspect you will all tell me to try internet dating. But when it's words on a screen I can't get over my innate pickiness - when I take a look on these sites, there's always a reason why I couldn't possibly begin to imagine going on a date with the person behind the profile. In real life I suspect most of my reasons for rejecting them wouldn't matter because I'd have met them and they would be perfectly lovely, but with dreadful spelling, or a passion for football, or whatever it is that puts me off them at the moment.

What to do? Where to go? I don't really want a serious long term relationship, but I certainly wouldn't mind some male attention.

Watching with interest as in almost exactly the same position. Have had a few flings but nothing going anywhere. I have sort of resigned myself to having a few good years till my looks go and that'll be that, which makes me a bit .

I think that's part of it - that sense that I'm not going to get any more appealing as I age. Isn't that pathetic? Even a few flings right now would be great - that's really all I want.

I feel incredibly depressed about my age and I don't like that. I should value it. Seriously thinking about knocking a few years off!

I think the thing with internet dating is, if you come across someone who sounds even remotely interesting it might be worth meeting them, just for a really light date (eg:coffee) ... that way, you're getting yourself out there, and practising for when you meet someone who you might properly be interested in... if that makes sense? You never know what might come of it ... I reckon pickiness does come over as a vibe in women, even if you try to conceal it - imagine how turned off we'd be by some superior guy who said "I just can't imagine being interested in a woman who can't spell and likes children" or whatever ...

Only saying this beacause I used to be horrendously picky, until a colleague gave me the advice to lighten up, date around and give people a chance - the crucial thing being not to get involved too quickly, or have too high expectations. Also read John Gray's Mars and Venus on a Date (I know, I know - will be accused of being schmaltzy, but it really changed my thinking, and has some great advice0 ... partly as a result, ended up meeting my now husband (of 10 years). The book has some great ideas about how to meet ppl - setting up opportunities to create chemistry etc..

I haven't internet dated, it makes me want to weep, so I ditched it without ever even meeting anyone (sent and received a few nice emails, got some poetry sent to me, lovely! but nothing sparky, you know what I mean).

I was single from when DS1 was a baby, really, though I have had a few relationships that lasted a few weeks or months, but none of them has felt that comfortable or really worked out.

You do change, you do get stronger, being on your own or even dating on and off, you learn things, and you get more confident. And eventually someone turns up.

My children are 8 and 4 and I'm with someone now. But it took AGES for him to turn up. just when he did, it was marvellous. And I didn't go looking, in fact even now I wonder if I am really bothered about having a 'relationship' though I was getting very lonely by myself and could have done with some backup if you know what I mean. (just someone on your side etc).

You don't have to search or look even, you meet thousands of people over time and occasionally one of them just clicks into place. You can't force it or hurry it but it will happen, probably, in the end

And when it does it won't be about wanting the relationship. It'll be about loving that person so much you can't imagine being without them. So oyu make room for the relationship and do what it takes, because it works and it's dead easy and it just is.

So though it can get very lonesome at times and is really hard work by yourself, it's also a good time in some ways as you are so free and you get t he chance to grow and develop and be truly yourself, and that is what makes the next relationship a good one, because you're strong and confident and the right person will connect with you in all those ways you like yourself.

They will like you for those things too. And want to stick around.

Don't stress it, you will be Ok

Oh and I'm nearly 40 too, well 38 and have never even been married before, I don't think I would have been ready.

You're not too old.

Oh and fwiw I never ever go out in the evenings, don't belong to any clubs, my last ex was a school dad, that went on for almost a year and never took off really, just a good friendship...and I don't meet a lot of people in everyday life.

But we had to have a load of work done on the house and this involved a house full of men, for several weeks and one of them has never left

you get to check each other out on an everyday, no pretending basis, being aorund each other all the time so it's a good strong way to start something as you know what you're both like! He's used our filthy bathroom, moved piles of clutter around without letting me lift a finger, and seen how frequently I wash up (infrequently should I say) and none of that put him off.

Which makes me more confident that I am good enough. I'd say if you go out to work you have a good chance of meeting someone through this. I think most marriages/partnerships start with meeting someone at work, statistically.

And it means you know each other in a neutral setting first which is really good.

Jane, that's so good to hear. I'm delighted it turned out so
well for you. Absolutely no chance of me hooking up with my builder/handyman - lovely guy but just no! And my office is tiny - only eigt of us, and all women. But I take your broader point.

But what you say about growing, being stronger is all true. I quite like being in charge of our lives, making my own choices and the freedom I have. I will never make the same mistakes I made in my last relationship. So will try to take some comfort from your story and enjoy what I've got.

i know this sounds a bit of a long shot, but are there any reunions coming up? School? Work? Uni etc? I recently organised a works reunion and it was amazing how many of my old crushes were now single! Kept me going for a good few months f That way, you don't have to bother with the early small talk etc. as you already have some history.

Thankyou Pepe, didn't want to gloat or sound smug or anything, after all it may not work out anyway, and I know how you feel, I really do.

I was always reading these threads and thinking 'yes but WHEN' and really believing it would not happen to me, like, ever. And it was SO lonely. I mean, I hope you're not, but I definitely was. Despite enjoying having autonomy and not being with yet another loser. It was still hard not being attached to anyone.

I bet it does happen to you but just keep in mind you can't make it happen, it just will in the end, however you play it so don't feel pressure to try the internet thing if you dont want to. I know it's worked for a few people on here but you need to be totally comfortable with it I think.

Take care, good luck x

If nothing else I think you should consider the fact that all that human flesh will not do the alsation a lot of good - they need a proper balanced diet .

If it was your alsation and you had a reasonable relationship with it, I reckon you'd be safe. It's the cats that will get you. If you end up old and alone you will more than likely have a lot of cats . .....who will eat you.....eventually.....

Hi Pepe, its easy to get some male attention. Just go out on some dates - be less picky yeah. Either you will find someone you like, or you will realise what you are not missing. You may find being alone with cats, dogs, children, friends, happiness, nature, love, whatever - preferable to being with an arsehole. Alternatively, you may find the perfect man . Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Your chances are pretty slim fgs you are not even 40! There are millions of men out there if you want one!!!