Parental duties?

[redvelvetcake]

I'm wondering how you and your Dp decided to split/help each other with your DC?

We've just had DC2. Our DC are 14 months apart. I assumed that DH would help me a little more with them and help me generally. But no, it lands on me. I know that being a SAHM means that most of it will be my responsibilty. But surely there must be some give and take?

DH gets up every morning with DS who's 3, I stay in bed with DD (15wks) because I'm up all night with her. He has occasionally said "aren't I good getting up all the time with DS " - bearing in mind he then dozes on the sofa while DS watches tv and DD normally wakes max 20mins later - I respond "aren't I good feeding DD all night"

There have been mornings when I've woken feeling not too shabby and let him stay in bed, and I then do all the child are and housework while he's at work. If he gets home in time I ask him to do DS bath and bed.

It's just evolved like this because DD currently mid growth spurt and my energy levels are zilch. At weekends DH tends to look after DS and I tend to DD

We've 4 years between our two, so a bit different, but DH said while I was pregnant with DD2 - "I guess I'll have to be more hands on with DD1, won't I?". To be fair to him, he was always pretty good.

He takes care of shower time for DD1, takes her across the road to the park after dinner some nights, and does most bedtimes. I'm a SAHM at the moment so I look after housework, meals & laundry, with DH mucking in at weekend as nneeded.

We each get one lie in at the weekend. Although mine is interrupted by DD2 needing a feed. DH also sees to DD1's breakfast before he goes to work if DD2 hasn't woken me already.

Works pretty well for us so far...

he does all the bath times and putting to bed and story times. He doesnt actually live here but its much the same as when he lived here anyway as he works all day and commutes. At weekends when he comes round its pretty much 50/50

DH does all baths and bed times, plus is 'on duty' half the mornings of the week-we generally do two days on followed by two days of lie in each, though we try and fix it so I get a lie in on Saturday and he gets one on Sunday. I do most of the housework during the day while he's at work but he hoovers at the weekend, takes out the bins, does the washing up after supper every night. It generally works well and I feel that everything's split pretty much down the middle. But then, we don't have very high standards and are quite happy to live in a bit of muck

Like GirlWith DH gets up with DD1 while I stay in bed until DD2 finishes feeding (I could get up, I suppose, but its one of those things that makes bfing nicer, doing it in bed!) Then he goes to work, I do school run, meals, washing, shopping, tidying, unloading dishwasher, folding clothes, any washing up, music/ballet/gym/baby groups, prepare dinner, occasionally some freelance work, art and craft, games, jigsaws and gardening with DD1. I do bath and bed unless he is home on time, in which case we both do it. Sometimes he cooks, again if home on time. At weekends we both look after both children as much as possible, we both do housework (he hoovers, I do bathrooms, he takes bins out) we don't have a lie in'schedule' but if one of us is paeticularly tired or needs to do something childfree the other one will take them for a walk, to softplay, cafe etc. Basically we do as much as possible together, which helps with limiting 'but I did this' type discussions. plus it makes everything twice as fast and half as hard.

I was thinking that DH might offer to help with DC1 in the morning. Just to give him his milk while I finish BF dc2. But he thinks that it will all fall down to me as he has work. I understand that he needs his wits about him for work, but him offering to help would be so appreciated.

But then head been concerned about one thing, that he still gets to play football in Sundays!

we have two daughters and we both decided to work part time so they would be with either one of us.

i'd say my husband gets a worse deal as his hours are crammed into two long night shifts (i'm on mat leave but work three shortish day shifts starting from 6 so i'm there for much of the day. he can up at the larks on a wednesday, looking after two children under three and a half, then when he's got eldest to bed, goes off to do a night shift, comes back at 1030 next day, gets head down for 3-4 hours and spends time with us, gets eldest to bed and back off to work, back again and then head down for 2 hours so we can do an outing in the afternoon and it not mess with tht night's sleep.

he's a hero. but then so am i for coping with multiple night wakings for years....

i bfeed youngest and we co-sleep, but everything else is shared, from getting breakfast, household chores, shopping, cooking, bathing and reading 25 stories to eldest at night.

i couldn't cope well if it didn't feel like a share enterprise.

we don't do share lie ins particularly or much separate time for ourselves but we recognise that as they get older we can more easily. this time when they Aen't at full time school isn't forever so carping on about 'me' time, and relaxing etc isn't our thing.

but it may be different for us, we're both forty, have travelled the world, established careers and done too much partying so this phase of intense child rearing is actually welcomed.

Otchayaniye , i guess if you have had 40 years of 'me' time already , a few years being a parent isnt much of a sacrifice