how do I tell DP I'm ready for a baby?

[hattieboo2012]

I've only been with my dp for just under a year but we've already discussed that we both want kids and marriage and we're already living together and get on great. Neither of us have kids from previous relationships. I'm 28 and he's 43.

I really want a baby. I've never felt this way before as I've never met a man worthy of fathering my child but dp is lovely. I know dp is keen too for a family because we were talking about having them and I jokingly said that our holidays would have to stop once we had a baby, and he said no way, that it would be great fun taking our children to the caravan we holiday at.
I do worry that dp is getting no younger. If we had a child next year when he's 44, by time our child is leaving school at 16, dp will be 60. I'm afraid if we leave it much longer he won't get to experience our children if we have any, getting married, or to see out grandchildren grow up. Do regularly tells me how we'll be going down the seaside promenade hand in hand when we're old and he talks about the future like kids and marriage so I know this isn't a short term thing for either of us even though its only been 8 months. We've been living together more or less since about nov/dec.

Well if you can't tell him, then he's not the right person, is he? Just say it! What have you got to lose?

Yep, what Belinda says - just say it!

You could say "How about we skip the condoms/I ditch the pill" or whatever as a sideways way of approaching it but make sure he knows exactly what you mean if you take a sideways approach - not something you want confused communication about!

Good luck - hope he feels ready too!

hattie I literally just came from your last thread, which i think you abandoned... the thread where it became quite clear that your partner had agreed to have his name on his ex's child's birth cert, but told you he didn't agree, and she "wrote his name on it" without his permission.

have you resolved that?
if you haven't, I really think you should step back from this very quickly.

also, even without the birth cert thing, 8 months is an extremely short space of time. you're still in the honeymoon period. be careful

Urmm you tell him when you find out why he is lying about being on the birth certificate of his exs baby?

How about you sort out your problems first?

I was going to suggest saying "I would really like us to have a baby," and seeing what he said.

But I remember the other thread and agree it sounded pretty dodgy and you should probably get the situation sorted out first.

Er- he DOES have a kid from a previous relationship

Given your earlier post, it occurred to me that he may well have more than one child by more than one relationship or marriage.

After only 8 months you barely know this man whose romantic history is considerably longer than your own. Have you met his family/friends/work colleagues? Do you have free acess to his email accounts, phone history, etc?

As you've caught him out in at least one lie in your short relationship, I would suggest that you consider whether a proven liar is worthy to father the dc you seem overly anxious to have.

Frankly, if you believe his account re the birth certificate it would seem that you're also overly anxious to blind yourself to his faults. As he's 16 years more experienced at deception older than yourself, I would suggest you allow considerably more time to elapse in order to determine whether your infatuation with him will deepen into something more meaningful.

With regard to his age if you should have dc with him; it's a sad fact that there's no guarantee that anyone will live long enough to see their dc grow into adulthood, let alone be present when/if gdc make their appearance.

lying outrageously the way he has about the birth certificate and slagging off his ex are huge red flags.

44 yr old male and never married? It happens but it's not that common. Maybe you should take a peek at the registers of marriages as well as births.

Out of interest, how did you meet him and did he move into yours or you move into his?

OP - don't let the age pressure worry you, a year or two is not going to make a huge difference.

Don't worry about what your partner is going to be like when your future children are getting married - think about the next 5 - 10 years first.

My personal view is that 8 months into a relationship, and 4 months into "more or less" living with each other is too soon to have a baby with someone, although I am sure there are many successful examples out there.

Questions you should ask yourself: - Does your partner share your values and beliefs in bringing up children? Are you financially able to support a child? Do you have a secure home? What childcare arrangements would you make if you went back to work (assuming you are working)?

I haven't seen your other thread but it sounds like you have a couple of other things to sort out first.

oh dear

I don't think I've ever seen a thread descend so quickly!

OP, it's normal to feel really broody, but you know what? You will still feel broody after the baby is born, so make sure you only have the baby when the time is absolutely right and your life is completely sorted.

I was desperately broody when I was in my mid 20s and read the advice I've posted above - Irma Kurtz used to write for Cosmopolitan magazine and she wrote that in answer to someone who felt as I did. It was the best advice I'd heard. I truly thought that if I had a baby, that yearning would stop. Once I realised it wouldn't, I decided to only have a baby when everything else was fine.

I don't like big age gaps, OP, and your man sounds a bit dodgy to me. Wait a couple of years and see how you feel then, eh?

Don't do it OP.

heres a strange suggestion.

Why not get to the bottom of the 'other baby' issue, to find out if he is a lying twunt or not 9and I see from your post here that he is 40, which means according to your other thread, he got his 60+ year old daddy to go to the solicitor with him

And then see if he is committed enough to you to get married first before actively trying to have a baby

My DH is 42, I'm 20 and he's been married twice, also put his name on ex's baby's cert.. So I understand.
We got engaged after 2 months, and was pg after 5 months. Now we're getting married at end of the month, and things are still brilliant.
If you think it's right, then just ask him. Don't worry about what other people are saying, as long as you are sure, then sit down and chat about it =)

HTH

Penguin but ops partner is lying to her about the bc situation, there's the major difference.

Op you have the HUGE advantage of seeing this guy for what he is early. Please don't do it. It's horrendous to go through having a baby with someone who then messes you around. And believe me, having the lovely baby still does not make up for the pain it all causes.

Don't do it. You don't have this many people warning you for no reason. You have been together for such a short time you can not know this man fully.

Spend some time getting to know him first - ignoring the fact that he's lied about something significant - you are still in the honey moon phase and there is no rush
whether or not the other child is his it sounds like he wanted to commit to his ex very quickly in the relationship too so the fact that he sees himself with you in old age doesn't mean much

Wait until you?ve lived together longer than a couple of months. You?re still in the romantic lovey-dovey stage so I don?t think it?s the most sensible thing to bring a baby into the relationship until time has proved it?s solid. Besides, you?d be a fool to get pregnant until you and your DP have sorted out the issue of his ex and the birth certificate. I can understand that it would be heartbreaking to find out he isn't quite the man you'd hoped, but better to know either way before bringing a child into this.

Hi OP, you've got some good replies there. It looks like point people are trying to make is just to be careful and go into this having a child with your head and not your heart.
It's up to you what you think is best, remember a child grows up, it's not like having a dog or a cat!! I remember when I was your age how broody I got and it was like everytime i saw a baby my heart skipped a beat.
Now my DB's a big boy and i sometimes wish I'd gotten a dog instead of a child..but he's here and I love him to bits. My DB has enriched my life so much I'm glad i had him. Wish you all the best in whatever you and your DP decide..x x

With a new partner my mantra [ these days ] is ...'Do nowt for at least 12 months. '

So, no babies, no mingling of finances and no moving in. Although I see you've done most of that already...

I sense disaster.

Probably best to wait until you can find out what the fuck is going on with the child with his XP.

Sort that shit out before you consider getting pregnant by him.

You are deluding yourself. Get a puppy.

If you have money, hire a detective to investigate this man's past.