where do I start? (sorry its a long read)
Met in UK, married in UK, had a child. As hubby was a foreigner I said when he asked me to marry him that I did not want to live in his home country and if that is how he envisaged the future then to say so and to let me go.
He applied for a police job behind my back after baby was born and then simply informed me that he was required to go home for a medical. ??? Then I had explanation of what it was for.
At this point our son was a few months old and we several months married.
I suffered with PND and this was diagnosed at this point. I was self employed, and had started my business the year we met.
I stared in the face of family and friends that it was what I wanted while I cried and we bitterly fought at home - I gave in and supported my husband 100% in his career choice, i gave up my business, my family, friends and homeland and moved to his country for him to have his chosen career.
His country don't pay police officers when they join up for the first year so I remortgaged my house (he didn't have anything when we got together) and provided us with money for the 3 of us to live on.
5 years passed, we moved 6 times to follow his career and had another child along the way. Following some domestic abuse I got PND again. I wanted to return to work but my qualifications were not recognised in his country and required much expence and exam sitting for me to get them recognised!
After crisis of me hitting rock bottom where it became either a) I return home to the support of family and friends, a career and quality of life as advised by clinic psychiatrist or b) I risk topping myself and leaving my 2dc without a mammy!!! Blunt but true.
I came home, fully expecting my hubby to follow. It wasn't a snap decision, or abrupt, we'd discussed it at length, but then he refused to follow. Saying there's not jobs (there's plenty but he only wants to be in the police and not of this country as there have been openings but he's applied an messed up or not filled in the application forms on purpose) and why should he leave his professional job when I left him!
I listened to my head rather than my heart (for the 1st time) and said we weren't working in Oct and that we should seperate, in the hope it may jolt him into realising how far he was pushing me and having everything his way. He dismissed it as a threat and ignored it. By Novermber I'd had enough and we discussed some more - and how to end this. By december he'd like to make us work, he'd never be with anyone else and never remarry, so we ended back together. By Jan (we see each other once a month) we were discussing could we work or not, by Feb, I said despite what I'd said before I was willing to make it work if love could conquer all and that I accepted my PND had played a part in our difficult homelife. He went away with decision of what he wanted. We had a cuddle and he tried it on saying how sexy I was and how much we clearly still loved one another - I held off and said physical stuff would only confuse us both. He went away came back two weeks later and said it would only work if I were to return to his home country with the children. I asked what else could he offer me - he said himself and that he'd love me back!
I offered for him to move here, and that I'd put my return to work on a back burner and focus on his career & what he wanted and would live in the UK where ever his job took him as a compromise, at least maybe even take a sebatacle for 1 year to try it. He said it best we finish if I was not prepared to return. We agreed. That night, something a friend said to me made me check his phone.... he had several texts to a girl, asking her out on a date, thanking her for the lovely time and that he'd like to to it again sometime, saying how he was thinking of her...... I handed him his phone and asked why?
He went mad, told me I'd abused his privacy. I asked was it true - yes, he'd met someone and they'd been out but nothing had happened - I retaliated in the heat of the moment "but not for want of trying right!", to which he responded with "yes but that's not the point - we didn't....er.."
I've been in bits ever since. If he'd been honest and said do you know what it's not working, I met someone took her number, may come to something it may not, but that 's where i am right now, I'm not into us anymore. I would have been upset but accpeted as that's where we were. But to be dating and then be in my bed at the same time telling me how much he still loved me etc... makes me sick.
I guess what's meant to be is meant to be, but where do I go from here? Gutted at failed marriage, hurt by lies, deceat and betrayal, made me question the whole marriage - I think I MADE it work all the way along. Which is even more hurtful and sad as we have two beautiful children and I've gone through hell for what?
Any advice for the future? Does it get easier? Have I made a mistake, am I missing the obvious? Feeling so lost right now, and terribly sad. :'(