That was cathartic. Just needed to get it out.

[NearlyMrsCustardsHardHat]

My parents have always treated me and my siblings differently, but its never been anything tangable that I can warrant saying "Yep I'm ignoring you now for the good of my health" until this year when my parents bought my siblings a house to live in and share and from then on, from my side definitely, the resentment has been building. To avoid being accused of drip feeding I'll give you a bit of background:

My ex walked out before my youngest turned 1, we had a shit load of debt and were a month in arrears with the rent, I wasn't working as I couldn't afford the commute so had to leave my job. When he left it took 3 months for benefits to kick in and during this time my landlord started court proceedings to evict me and the kids. All through this I had no financial help from my parents, but had some practical help by way of babysitting and lifts to get the shopping in etc. Luckily the council came through and put a roof over our heads as we were about to get evicted. Shortly after I found work, and clawed my way out of the debt the ex left me with for which I am pretty bloody proud of myself.

Fast forward nearly a decade and my elder sibling is now divorced (no children) and my youngest is flying the nest, however the elder sibling has had no contact with my parents for their entire marriage (12 years) and comes crawling cap in hand for help, which is dutifully given by way of a roof over their head. Sibling gets bored of living with the parents so ends up with me and the kids, and in turn me the kids and DP until late last year when my parents decided that they had too much money to know what to do with so were going to buy a house for the siblings to live in to "avoid them having to worry about the rent and such things" since then my parents have virtually cut me, the kids and my DP out from any contact bar polite chit chat.

Mum refers to the siblings as 'the kids' she is constantly having 'the kids' round for dinner, drops into conversation how 'the kids' are treating her to dinner or how much work 'the kids' house is to decorate and maintain. We invite them to dinner and are told "we're doing x y z with the kids so can't make it"

Youngest sibling has a big birthday coming up and has said that dinner on that evening is being held round the parents and they'd love it if we came along but need to give the parents the heads up to get food in etc. So I ring to say that I've been invited is it ok if we drop round to give our best to sibling and got met with 'well don't stay too long, the kids are round for dinner and that's a t6 as it always is so either come before that or come after when we've finished'

I just feel like one great inconvenience to my parents. When they were in a position to help me out they left me to it and were prepared to see me and their grandchildren homeless whereas one sibling who comes begging cap in hand and another who has never wanted for nothing nor fended for themselves have a house bought for them and everything they could ever need or want thrown at them. I know I have the 'inner pride' of doing it by myself, of pulling myself out the mire with no help yadda yadda yadda but I am in bits that they would leave me like that when they were clearly in a position to be able to help if they can so easily do the same for siblings who want for nothing.

I am hurt. I am bitter about it. I am probably over reacting to it all but it hurts.

What reasons do you think they had for not offering help when you needed it?

They had a 6 week tour of australia and new zealand booked so their 'free' money was tied up there.

Financially they are in no different a position now to what they were then and the only thing I can honestly think of that would have prevented them helping was that holiday. Even paying a months rent for me would have been enough to stop some of the shite happening.

Were they aware of the extent of your problems? Did you actually ask for help?

It would have been pretty bloody impossible not to be aware of my problems. The father of my children had walked out, I had no job and no income, my home was a state, I was a state, I should by rights have had my children taken off me. I asked.

The HV helped me fill my paperwork in for Income Support and all the associated benefits, she pointed me towards the CAB who helped me with housing applications and negotiating with my landlord. My parents looked after the children and drove me to the supermarket and told me to do the housework. My mum's idea of support was pointing out all my faults and where I was going wrong with the children. Mum is very very adept at telling me where I am going wrong. It's her 'thing' it's what she's good at.

When I read your thread title I thought you'd actually had it out with your parents! I can't understand why parents treat their offspring so differently and unfairly.

I'd be tempted to tell them some home truths then fuck off out of their lives. Did you tell the birthday sibling what they'd said about the meal? for you.

Sometimes stuff like this just simply doesn't make sense, no matter how you toss or turn it round. Just because you're related to someone doesn't necessarily mean they will like you or vice versa. Although we expect parents will love their children, it it doesn't always happen. It must hurt like hell that they are treating you and your siblings so differently, and you are getting the poopy end of the stick.

If you have no reason to have them in your life and they have shown so little regard for you and your children, chuck them - literally. I doubt they'd give a toss about any home truths and perhaps would try and twist it to make you the villain of the piece. If you are close to your siblings, it could be tricky to maintain the relationships with them as they might still try and "build a bridge" because they will feel conflicted over their feelings towards your parents and you.

Ultimately, you have to decide what's going to be in the best interests of you and your children and not waste time, energy and emotion on people who will drag you back, drag you down and make you feel awful. You can do without them, regardless of whether they are parents or siblings.