Is this a case of honesty not being the best policy?

[lolaflores]

A friend's christening on Sunday. Family gather etc. Sat with MIL of friend who declares, in front of myself and friends sister
"I really don't like having GS. I can't wait for Son to collect him. He gets in the way of me doing things. i am relieved when he goes"

This is not the first time this remark is made in my hearing. Sister says it to friend. I back her up. Friend tells H, who calls his mother for confirmation. She says she said no such thing. Now claims she never wants to see GS again.
I am now not welcome in house by H and the same for her sister. Holy hell has been unleashed.

I know I cannot change what I said, but have I been super stupid? If the woman said it in front of me and the childs aunt surely it was going to be commented on.

So the MIL reaction is never to see GS again. Poor little boy, sounds like you've done him a favour.

This is not the first time she has declared an intention of not seeing the child. so i think, he should be spared anymroe of her shite. Friend has always had massive difficulties with his family. they stagger from one crisis to the next. Its like the woman doesn't need an excuse. But to say you do not want to see GC? Bitch

The messengers have just been shot I'm afraid!!

Not sure what you can do except leave them to it and they'll figure out what a toxic old bag granny really is in their own time

Does you friend also say you're not welcome or just the friend's husband?

No you've not been stupid, you just confirmed what had been said.

It does sound like a case of the messenger being shot!

The edict of my barring has come from H. And yes I am the corpse of a messenger. H has called me a liar. He can keep his hospitality, it never amounted to much, but I fear he is isolating his wife again. this is what he does. I am getting the feeling of being drawn into a vortex and having a guilt trip I do not deserve. clean pair of heels me thinks.

They will know deep down you haven't made this up, why on earth would you bother?!

Just keep out of it and as liars says the MIL true colours will be shown anyway and they will realise they shouldn't have blamed you.

Surely the fact she is now saying she won't have the GS is really just confirmation of how she really feels about him.

If your friend's H can't see it then thats his problem, not yours. Make arrangements to see his wife at your house instead of theirs.

You probably should have kept your trap shut. It sounds like your friend is mixed up with a very toxic family and in particular a nasty H who probably wants her isolated. It's often better to grit your teeth and make nice-ish with men like this until your friend decides to dump his sorry arse, otherwise you get cut off from her and can't help when she needs you.

he is blind to her. but that is as you say their issue. friend will come to mine. she is a dear friend who has unfortunately married a freak of the highest magnitude and his family not any different. and to also agree that not seeing the GS now seems to only confirm her worst comments.

Minmd you she is a truly devoted Catholic and has a path beaten to the church. H is the same. With this level of hypocrisy I think it would be best to use breathing apparatus.

Look at it this way, at least the poor child doesn't have to go to horrid granny any more.

Think you should have both kept quiet. Everyone sounds off from time to time. I'm pretty sure at some point I've said about my own DS that I can't wait for him to go on some school trip or other and have the place to myself. The parents overreacted as well. BIG storm in a teacup.

in front of the child's aunt? it was said with no hint of mildness. very blunt in fact. this is a frequent comment she makes.

I wonder if she was exaggerating for effect. My granny certainly sighs and rolls her eyes and would say 'I couldn't wait for them to leave' about certain visitors but actually, that's her letting off steam and she would be devastated if they stopped calling.

Only you know the tone and the way it was said, not sure at all why it had to be passed on or confirmed by you, some things are best left. One remark in a church doesn't make an entire relationship.

The world is full of bonkers old women. Some like to do the big martyr thing in public to get the 'oh you are so good to that child' comments. Others like to stir things up just to make their boring lives interesting. (This one is probably enjoying all the fuss she's created) I find they are best humoured but largely ignored.

Cogito i think you have caught the flavour of the woman quite well. afraid I got caught up in the drama. do you get a free charter when you are old(ish) to be the biggest shit stirrer possible? Is it the law? When do I get mine because I want to cause total friggin havoc. Then say "how very dare you" and stomp off

Sounds like Granny was after an excuse to cut out the GS without the fallout of saying it herself. IMO the sister fell into the trap of passing on the message, and that's why, in hindsight, neither of you should have been honest: it did the old witch's dirty work for her. Obviously it suits the H very well to believe it's all your fault, as any logical thought at all shows it couldn't be. A couple of lying shit-stirrers at a party claimed she didn't like looking after her grandson, so to prove it's all rubbish she will... er, what?

I just seem to have more than one bonkers old woman in the family. One elderly aunt is a terrible manipulator of my cousins, her devoted sons. Can tell awful lies without skipping a beat and can be caught out on said lies without even the decency to blush. I remember once at a wedding she was all upset that 'none of my boys even thought to see how I was, or give me a lift to the church' ... checked out the story to find that one of her 'boys' (50 year-old man) had been in the next-door hotel room to her, in constant attendance and had been driving her around for two solid days. :)

I think some just regress back to that selfish teenage 'nobody understands me' thing with all it entails. Pathetic in a grown-up.

Annie that seems it in a nutshell. this is the second time she has done this to me. but she did insist in front of the sister. arch manipulator. will stay well clear. which is easy seeing as i am persona non grata.
By the way, would you let your DP "ban" folk?

First rule of relationships. Never let a partner dictate who you can and cannot be friends with. Isolation is the bully's stock in trade. Even if they'd done something truly offensive & unforgiveable, it's not for a partner to ban friends unilaterally.

Hah, XH tried, even tried to dictate who I could see after we divorced (and not just boyfriends). Good luck with that, Sunshine.