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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Still Feeling Insecure

8 replies

Ferb · 14/03/2012 12:52

I posted a while ago about an abusive relationship I was in.

I met a new guy but I'm really insecure about the whole thing. He is really nice, and we get on fine but I'm finding the trust thing a huge issue and I'm over analyzing everything. I know its easier said than done not to but I am wondering whether its worth just ending this relationship because to be honest, I am sh*tting myself over it. It probably sounds stupid to anyone reading this and that I sound like a real head case. I am really panicking. I'm scared of being kept a secret again, being trodden on and made to feel like crap.

I've had therapy to try and get over my ex but it hasn't worked. The therapist I had told me only I can make myself feel the way I do, no one can make you. I didn't find that helpful.

Anyway, I think the future is a bit bleak at the moment. I don't think I will be ready to have another boyfriend or ever get married. It's been since July 2009 and still can't get over what I went through.

OP posts:
21YrOldMan · 14/03/2012 13:20

The therapist I had told me only I can make myself feel the way I do, no one can make you. I didn't find that helpful.

It's true tho. Try speaking a few positive sentences over yourself every day for a month. By consciously saying it you're forcing your subconscious to come into line. Say "I'm ugly, everyone hates me, all my relationships are going to end badly" and that's what your subconscious will tell you. Say "I'm beautiful, secure, my BF loves me" and your subconscious will tell you that instead. Bear in mind if you've been thinking negative for years, it's not going to change overnight, so stick at it- try it 3x a day for 2 months and if it's worked, carry on. Takes less than a minute a day.

Try to figure out your biggest scares/worries, and then think of sentences to directly combat those. If you think you're ugly, say you're beautiful, etc. You're basically brainwashing your mind away from telling you you're ugly and insecure and hopeless etc. to telling you that you're amazing, beautiful and wanted.

shinecrazydiamond · 14/03/2012 13:29

What are you over analysing and what exactly are you worried about?

I take it you are 'dating' and not down the road of mingling finances/living together etc? If so, and you like him and like spending time with him, then your 'emotional ' investment in him is low and this makes the relationship low risk in terms of the impact it would have on your life should it end.

And what IS the worst thing that could happen? Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

izzyizin · 14/03/2012 13:33

When embarking on a new relationship, you're best advised not to rush to put your trust in the other person.

Trust takes time to develop and it should only grow in proportion to how the other person treats you and whether they prove that they are trustworthy over a considerable period of time.

Don't worry about being 'over' the ex who abused you - that will happen gradually as you begin to rebuild or rediscover your sense of self-esteem and self-worth.

Perhaps your therapist was trying to convey the notion that only you can decide whether you chose to be a victim or a survivor?

You may not consider what the therapist told you helpful but, essentially, it is true because only you can take responsibility for your own individual thoughts and feelings, and only you can chose to discard any outmoded ways of thinking that may impede or hinder your personal growth and stop you becoming all that you can be.

If you enjoy spending time with your new guy, just relax, go with the flow and, above all, have fun with him.

The past is gone and the future hasn't yet happened; enjoy the present without overthinking what may be.

Ferb · 14/03/2012 14:53

Thanks guys. I'm panicking because I just don't want to end up in the same position I was before. I seem to be having to learn how to trust again and that's bothering me hugely. I never thought I was so weak until now.

OP posts:
HepHep · 14/03/2012 14:58

I had the same experience. I concluded I hadn't left enough time for me to get my head together after the abusive relationship. Unfortunately, I thought I was fine UNTIL I started seeing someone. It really made me realize I can't trust, and also my radar is still fucked because I went for the most unavailable person possible. :(
Having some time out from dating now. The Baggage Reclaim website is helpful, and depending on how long it's been you might be better off having a break from dating for a wee while til you feel stronger. Best of luck.

Charbon · 14/03/2012 17:22

What do you mean you're scared of being 'kept a secret again'?

Are both men married or attached then?

Ferb · 14/03/2012 17:47

No neither. My ex never took me out, never spoke about me, didn't tell anyone he'd asked me to marry him (it was a farce), he just didn't want people to know he was with me.

Neither of them are married or attached. I'm not a marriage wrecker.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 14/03/2012 21:37

You picked wrong 'un in your secretive ex and that fact alone can be a confidence shaker.

However, as that relationship is long gone, any resultant negativity can only adversely affect you as long as you allow it to.

In any new relationship it is not necessary to place your wholehearted trust in the other person from the off. Trust happens by degrees and your trust in other people should be incremental and based on your observation of how they behave towards you and to others.

Obviously, simply going out with a person who is previously unknown to you or to your friends/family implies a degree of trust in that you are trusting to your own judgement that they're not completely psycho and you won't end up swimming with the fishes after a night at the cinema.

To this extent, in the very early days it's necessary to take certain precautions, such as satisfying yourself that they are who they say they are and to inform one or two people of where you'll be going, what time you expect to be back, and a general description of who you'll be with in the interim.

If you feel comfortable and happy in the other person's presence and if they reciprocate your feelings, it may proceed to second, third, and more dates during which time your trust in them may build to the extent that you are happy about going to their home alone or inviting them to visit when you're home alone.

Effectively, he's on trial and undergoing assessment all the time - is he a safe driver, do you get the feeling that if you were in an establishment where a fire or fight broke out he'd put your safety before his own, is he courteous and sociable towards others, does he listen to what you say and participate in your conversations without patronising you or dismissing your views - in short, is he someone that you feel you can trust to treat you with respect at all times?

If he fails the various tests of his character, he gets dumped and it's on to the next.

You may have to kiss a load of frogs but eventually you'll find a prince and all the bad times with users, losers, and abusers, will make you appreciate him even more - and it's not a bad thing if you always keep a little bit of your trust and your heart back so that you have something to fall back on if it transpires that, despite your best efforts, you got it wrong again.

As I see no reason why life should be a struggle, I don't wholly subscribe to the maxim of 'no pain, no gain' but sometimes it is an apt adage to decribe the personal growth that comes about through our social interaction and sexual relationships with others.

As the saying has it 'you've got to be in it to win it'. Don't be a loser in life because you failed to get off the starting blocks or didn't recover your momentum when you fell at a hurdle.

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