Amicable split, what's your views?

[Charliebigpotatoes]

Soon to be XH and I split last year, we are currently in the middle of divorcing. We are still very close and great friends, the way I look at is I'd rather have him as a friend than not have him in my life at all. We talk fairly often on the phone, once every so often he'll pop over for lunch and a chat, we'll walk the dog together etc. we even filled in the divorce papers together and had a laugh doing it!! Now we're not trying make light of divorce just we found it easier to deal with by having a lighthearted attitude. We're both devastated that things didn't work out but we were in an unhealthy relationship and now I feel like we talk as adults, work through any issues we have in a proper way and things are so much better now than when we were together. I finally feel I can call him one of my best friends again.
However people are shocked by it and think its strange that we're still so close. If I chat to him on the phone if anyone's nearby they always look at me like I'm mad for chatting to him as a friend. I'm feel like im constantly having to justify our relationship to people and quite frankly I'm fed up of telling people that NO WE WON'T BE GETTING BACK TOGETHER!! I feel I'm lucky to still be friends with my exH and thankful that I'm not bitter about the whole situation.
My question is do you all think this is weird?! Am I alone in thinking that I'm in a nice situation and just wish people would be happy that I'm not a complete emotional wreck!!!???

No. I don't think it's weird. I think it's good - for now. Either one of you may find it difficult if the other meets and starts a serious relationship with someone new though.

I had am amicable breakup - at first. It didn't stay that way though. TBH I think it was more amicable on my side, I feel he was just going through the motions.

Just make sure everything you agree has been put before a solicitor. I didn't, I took his word for it and lost out financially.

As soon as another woman appeared on the scene, things took a turn for the worse.

Just be careful.

Actually, I'd echo that. Although not married, I thought I was in the throes of an amicable split until yesterday when it turns out he is putting his new partner aka OW before our DD. I never thought I could feel so angry with him or so hurt and disappointed. It's completely changed everything.

I sincerely hope this doesn't happen to you too.

By all means, be friendly. But don't be stupid.

Ensure that everything on your divorce is fair and formalised. He may be your friend, but you are both looking out for yourselves now and you need to keep that at the front of your mind.

I had an amicable break up with my ex. Then he found someone else and lied about it, even though I'd asked him to tell me if he met someone new. It hurt quite a bit because friends don't lie about things like that to one another.

I'd say the same thing as everybody else, be careful. In divorce you need to take care of your interests, so make sure you don't ignore them for the sake of friendship.

I suppose the question is, do you have reasons to be bitter? If you don't then good, splits can be the right thing. If you do and you're hiding your feelings then you need to be more realistic.

I stayed best friends with an ex long term partner and have been for the last 10 years... but we weren't married and we didn't have DC together so there was no pressure there.

So it can happen

Me and my exw get on great, 14 years after we split. We have both remarried and have other children and well as the one we share. We have attended social events where all of us are there and there is no animosity whatsoever.

Jealousy tends to be the thing that stops this happening. I am not jealous at all so didn't mind when she met and married someone else. At first she was a bit jealous of my relationships but once she realised I was staying with my current DW and that she was great with our child then things cooled down.

I don't get jealousy. Wasted emotion.

I think it depends on both parties, I was married, but the split was definetly not amicable. If you can be civil to each other it works.

I have a friend, who is very much like you with her ex, although they werent actually married, they split when their daughter was 2 months old, they get along great now and are like best friends, she lets him see their little girl as often as he can as he works stupid hours, and he helps her where ever he can, its nice to see, they have been split over a year now, and they are still keeping it amicable, she now feels like she got the person she knew before back. He left her basically everything, apart from his car and the new tv he had just bought, but left her with the old one, so she was short of nothing, and is always asking if his daughter or her need anything. His family still buy her birthday and christmas presents, and her family do the same for him.

Overall, although it didnt work, everyone is still happy. Thier little girl will grow up happy, and have no arguements from parents or feeling of being torn. I am not saying every relationship ends this way, but i think the world would be a better place if it did, my relationship, in fact my marriage ended very badly and we will never have any kind of a relationship, so therefore it will be harder. I am not saying you dont need to keep your eyes open. I should also add she now does have a new partner, and him and her ex get on quite well, so all is well. And as to making light of divorce, i think you should do whatever makes you cope with it better. I went a bought a couple of cakes, ate them, had a cry and came on here. I dont think divorces should be messy and nasty, and i think their should be "no fault" divorces, where you can just put it didnt work out etc, rather than that someone is to blame

I had an amicable divorce 6 years ago. We did not use lawyers and used a joint account to continue paying endowments and children's savings plan. This worked and to me is just a financial arrangement that is convenient. My new wife of nearly three years sees it differently however. To her it is more than a convenience it is a link to a former relationship and has a deeper significance. You can have an amicable divorce for all the right reasons, but for some people any continuing link is a sign of disloyalty - according to my wife and the friends she has asked to comment. I have closed the account.

It is not wierd if you are both okay with it.

I gues what has happened is that you have new unwritten rules now. He knows and you know you should listen and respect each other - in order to keep the 'friendship'.

Strange how for some those rules go out of the window when you are bound by law together.

I also think it is easier to do this as long as neither of you betrayed, lied and hurt each other when you were together, but just kind of timed out.