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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My dad uses me

2 replies

fookedup · 13/03/2012 21:18

My mum and dad split when I was about five, I don't know what happened, she says he made her life hell getting them into debt, he says she ran off with someone else (she did).

He never shouted at me or hit me.

My dad found someone else, took on her child and adopted her, they then went on to have a baby.

Since i've been an adult my dad has remembered my birthday and christmas. I've seen him twice a year for god knows how long. He hardly notices that he has grandchildren.

When he was having an affair a few years back he told his wife he was coming to see me, so if I did ring him I got an instant bollocking from my stepmum saying that he came to see me so often yet I couldn't be bothered to call him. I said nothing.

Now he has a credit card bill directed to my house. He doesn't want his wife to know about his credit card. He collects it once a month.

Every Christmas I see his "daughters" pics on fb, heaps of gifts...i'm not material but it hurts like hell. They are both adults now, when I turned 16 he nagged at me to send them something which I did for years and continue to do but now they can't even be arsed to say happy birthday to me on fb. Neither of them have ever sent me a card for any occasion let alone anything else. They are 23 and 29.

He's my dad and I love him but i'm totally fed up with it.

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 13/03/2012 22:00

So stop it.

I know, I know you feel bad ....

......but actually you don't have to put up with it. You can refuse to do things behind your Dad's partner's back, you can refuse the credit card bill ( and by the way if your address is on the bill is it then linked to his credit rating and is that ok with you???), stop sending gifts unless you actually want to. Sounds simple, it sort of is...you don't have to disown him or stop loving him...you can just take control of your own life and feel comfortable with that.

oikopolis · 13/03/2012 22:14

why do you play along, protect him, lie for him etc? serious question.

my father was much the same after leaving my mother, calling twice a year, doing bare minimum, seeming to expect my attention despite that etc. i don't talk to him anymore, don't bother with him in the slightest. if he turned up on my doorstep i'd tell him to go away!

he's just some plonker who thought that impregnating my mother and ruining my mood by phoning me on my birthday gives would give him access to my life. bugger that. i expect quite a bit more than that from the people i allow into my life.

why wouldn't you do the same?

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