Wanting to be alone, even with a lovely DH.

[stateoftheart]

N/C for this, it would break my DH's heart if he knew.

I need to know how I can get over this feeling of wanting to be alone. I love my DH dearly, he loves me so much too. We have been together 10 yrs, met when I was 17. This may be part of the problem.

I just feel (sometimes, not all of the time, although sometimes the feeling is overwhelming) like I want to be alone, free to not worry about someone elses feelings, free to do what I please, and free to sleep around if im honest.

I did have an affair, 6 yrs ago. Would never do it again, the hurt I caused was immense and sickening.

We have 4 young children, we get on so well, no one would ever love me like he does. I just want to be happy all the time and not have this horrible feeling.

I often think about how it would feel to be on my own, but I have a suspicion I would spend the rest of my life regretting it and wanting him back.

I am fully aware I sound crazy, and selfish.

I can understand your feelings, but I'm worried for you, too. Your life could so easily become many times worse if you acted now.

Is it excitement and adventure you're looking for? Frankly, if you're the single mum of 4 young children, that's hard to gain in a physical sense.

Have you thought of some kind of other challenge - are you trained to do a job you love? Do you have any business ideas you'd love to try out? Is there something intellectually challenging that you'd find rewarding?

Would you leave the children, too, if you left him? If not, how - realistically - do you think you'd sleep around? How would you be on your own?

Do you think you're facing an early midlife crisis? You've crammed a lot into the last ten years - is this what's making you want a change now?

You have four children. You will never be on your own. At least not until the youngest buzz off to university.

did you ever do any counselling to talk about why you had the affair OP?

or do you know why you had it? i have a feeling that the reason/s you feel the way you do know might be the same as the reason/s you had the affair.

You're joking, CoteDAzur - they keep coming back!

I thought I could go to work abroad when my children were at university - it's just impossible. They need you (almost) just as much when they are away as when they're at home.

Thank you for your kind replies. I am currently training in another job and am very happy with that, my life is very full and enjoyable.

I understand it is unrealistic that I would be on my own with 4 children, I would never leave them.

I think some of it is being after excitment, another part of it is just about pleasing myself emotionally. I find it hard to describe,but i would never choose to be in a relationship if I didnt love DH so much.

I had the affair because I was selfish and because I was trying to convince myself I didn't love him anymore.

I find it strange how anyone would not want to have sex with anyone else for the rest of their lives, and if they do want to, its like a massive lie that you have to pretend that you don't want to.

I know exactly how you feel. Met dp also when I was young, just like you did. Been together many years and have 2 kids. Never been satisfied in the relationship enough but thought this was the norm. Sometimes wished I was on my own or met someone else more compatible with me. This came true, met someone who was great, who had a great job, loved me and thought I was the one. Was found out and hurt so many people. Stayed and still trying to work things out. Stayed for the kids sake, could not cope by myself and
OM Was a risk in regards to the kids. I love OM and giving him up was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Sometimes you just have to do what's right for others. wish u all the best, hope you work things out. Try counselling, that could help.

"I find it strange how anyone would not want to have sex with anyone else for the rest of their lives, and if they do want to, its like a massive lie that you have to pretend that you don't want to."

I think it's maybe more that people value their relationship/partner more than they'd value having sex with someone else.

Dont leave for this reason its not worth it! I understand what your looking for and trust me its not out there!
If you love him with all your heart stay! If you dont love him there are reasons why!

If you leave him and find someone else, you'll get bored of the new person too.

It's the thrill of the chase and being chased. We all miss it, you just have to focus your energy somewhere else and resign yourself to the fact that the thrill of the chase/being chased doesn't combine with motherhood to 4 children.

My DH had a 'nearly' affair a couple of years ago.Meeting thro work and texting/sexting and then got found out before anything physical happened.Broke my heart and nearly ended our 30 year marriage.We married young and in my twenties I felt restless and had a couple of crushes - that I kept firmly to myself and never acted on so do identify with the 'is this it' feeling we can all get.But for me the longer we were together the closer I felt and the more satisfying our sex life so that wondering what it would be like with someone else became less and less of an issue.I just valued what we had,and had gone thro together too much to even go there.That's why I felt so incredibly sad my DH didn't seem to feel the same at the particular time the OW came along to flatter and flirt as she did.But it was a set of circumstances in his life at time that also made him vulnerable.
We've stayed together and worked things thro as I'm guessing you did after your affair-and for your DH to forgive and move on from it was a very big thing believe me.As other posters have said if you truly love him try to find new challenges in other areas of your life rather than throw away what sounds to be a good relationship.
You've had an incredibly busy 10 years with all those babies and are probably feeling 'now what' but another man warts and all rather than their father may seem an exciting idea but just sounds complicated to me!