need to tell someone/suggestions needed: how do I stop developing crush on colleague

[newpen]

I've n/c for this one.

Quick scene set

I am in a LT relationship, children etc. Financialy dependant on dp.

dp can be quite controlling and emotionally/verbally abusive at times.

dp appears to lack interest in me - he will listen to me talking if I ask him to but does not reply - so no conversation in the evening etc. I still want to sit up all night changing the world, he wants to watch football and then fall asleep on the sofa. He also thinks that the Daily Mail talks a lot of sense and can come across as quite racist and intolerant - this appears to be getting worse with age.

Problem is
I met someone through work last week - I do not work with him (very different locations) but I can't stop thinking about him. We did sit up all night changing the world.

So how do I stop thinking about him? Practical suggestions welcomed please I am afraid that I will build this up in my head into something that it is not and then completely go to pieces if (and when) I do come across him (professionally) again

I have no reason to think that he feels the same way.

I included the scene setting as background - I'm not looking for an affair but do desparately just need a friend and have no one that I can talk to (as controlling partner and physically isolated home location make it difficult - I usually work from home)

Hmmm. It sounds as though your DP is not making you happy.

Do you really want to stay with him?

dp is not making me happy but leaving him now is not really an option and if I did then it wouldn't solve the blushing-like-a-lovesick-teenager-when-I-bump-into-collegue-next issue :(

I think you're trying to resolve the wrong problem. Quite understandable that you want to develop a friendship with someone pleasant who is kind towards you, talks to you and listens to what you say. It's called normal, human interaction and it's a basic requirement of a happy life. So what if you're flirting or building things up in your head? If you're being starved emotionally at home, how else are you going to react.

What's not normal in the slightest is a 'D' P that treats you like dirt. You obviously realise that your partner is a controlling bully but don't let the fact that you are dependent on him for money make you think that you have no options. Life is not a rehearsal. Do you really want to spend the next 20, 30 or 40 years with a man that ignores you?

no I don't and I know that I need to resolve the dp problem but we are trying with that (we've talked about the need for counselling etc and dp is coming around to the idea etc) but fixing relationships takes time. As we have children I think that we need to at least try to fix our reltionship and so I need to get this other person out of my head.

You think you need to fix the relationship but he's not that bothered? He treats you like crap but you stay loyal and devoted? When things are that one-sided I think you're flogging a dead horse. And, in the meantime, there is nothing wrong with being friendly with a man. Could put a spring in your step and a twinkle in your eye. Who knows? It may even put a rocket up your DP's arse if he thinks there's a little competition.

The other person is most likely in your head in the first place because of the dp situation. So that really is the one to address first : address the cause, and the symptom (the crush) will go away).

it isn't just that he is not bothered - he just wants dfferent things out of life - I guess that we have grown apart - but that isn't what I need help with now. The crush situation is more pressing - I can't go around swooning at work

So it's gone from this:
dp can be quite controlling and emotionally/verbally abusive at times.

to this:
he just wants dfferent things out of life - I guess that we have grown apart

Please come down from the dreamy cloud of your crush to assess the reality of your current relationship: is it what you want out of life?