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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think I've developed "feelings" for same-sex friend

8 replies

MuchlyConfused · 12/03/2012 15:15

I met my friend last year on a college course. We were part of a close knit group of friends but we had a definite "click" (you know when you're closer to one person than anyone else in the group?) and towards the end of the course I began to get a bit obsessed with her, thought about her constantly etc but then the course ended and despite swearing we'd keep in touch, life got in the way and it came down to the odd text here and there - nothing more.
To be fair, she always tried harder than I did to make contact and we arranged numerous times to meet up but something always got in the way - to cut a long story short however, we made plans for last saturday night and went out as part of a group.

Problem is, as soon as I saw her all my old obsessive feelings came back and throughout the night I just enjoyed being with her so much. She's funny, confident, cute - she's like the perfect person. Everytime I touched her (hugs, dancing etc) it felt different than with normal friends - I know it sounds corny but it was like sparks for me to the point where I was going out of my way to touch (although not in a seedy/harrassing way!) - like when you're with a bloke you really like and you brush arms etc.

We had a great night and she said how much she'd missed me, hugged me loads and insisted we keep in touch properly and go out again. Now I can't stop thinking about her. She's been texting me constantly ever since Saturday night and it's getting harder and harder to deny I feel more for her. I could never tell her this. We've both admitted to having the odd female crush here and there but never anything more than a silly celeb crush so I think she's straight. I THOUGHT I was straight!! I don't know what to do. I just can't get her out of my head.

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 12/03/2012 15:26

are you single? it sounds like she kind of likes you too.....

Portofino · 12/03/2012 15:27

Are you in a relationship/have dc's?

MuchlyConfused · 12/03/2012 15:29

I'm single with DCs. Never been involved with a woman before.
She's in a relationship which she told me was on rough ground at the moment (although I would never consider trying to cause issues between them).

OP posts:
Bibbo · 12/03/2012 15:33

sounds like you're in there!

there's no rule that says you have to like just men or just women. don't worry about whether it means you're straight or gay or what, those are just meaningless labels IMO - human emotion is not black and white

just see her again, and see what happens. take things a step at a time. get pissed together!! that'll speed things up

Bibbo · 12/03/2012 15:34

although didn't see last post - if she's in a relationship that might make things more difficult but depends how serious it is etc

MuchlyConfused · 12/03/2012 15:36

She's living with someone so it's a no-go anyway Sad if this wasn't the case it wouldn't be bothering me so much, I'd just see how things went but because I know she's "unavailable" not to mention straight, I'm finding it so hard. I think sub-consciously this may be why I stopped contacting her after college.

Saying that though, I enjoy her company so much I'd also hate to lose her as a friend - hence the confusion. This is so hard. I didn't realise how much I missed her until I saw her again.

OP posts:
Mumsyblouse · 12/03/2012 15:41

It does sound like a crush/start of something, but equally, I usually find my friends fascinating and attractive (without fancying them IYSWIM). I kind of think the early stages of a friendship can be a little like a relationship, you love spending time together, can't believe how much you have in common, and you find out the bad stuff a bit later on (e.g. they are always late, date married men or whatever). I don't know which it is, I'm just suggesting that meeting really amazing friends can be a bit heady as well, I guess the difference is the electricity/wanting a physical relationship.

SaltResistantSlug · 12/03/2012 21:09

Well, what sort of things is she saying in her messages? Is she hinting at a meet up? Or is she perhaps waiting for you to suggest one?

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