Do emotionally abusive men behave differently in each relationship?

[MIssMarplesSideKick]

I was thinking if you have poor boundaries and they abuse you. What happens if their next partner has better boundaries, they have counselling and don't want to have anyone know they abused you and dc emotionally and financially, and once physically. He denied it all.

I am a worried about my dc half sibling, there is no contact. I know if I flagged up concerns I would look bitter etc.

I think they push the boundaries very slightly until they get things how they feel comfortable. I think if you are VERY clued up about red flags at the very beginning of a relationship you probably have a good chance of seeing such a person off. If you do not and why would most NORMAL people the abusive person will nudge until it's as they want it. The boiling the frog from cold water analogy is terrifyingly accurate.

The mother of the child grew up initially with an alcholic, abusive and miserly Father and Mother, then abusive alcholic Step Father after a few years of abandonment from Father, after years of acromony and him accusing her Mother of poor parenting in court. She had a few relationships prior to exh, with mentally ill men. She did a social psychology degree. She was odd with my children, only met them once, they Dad called them liars etc. He took me to court, told lies about me etc. Her Mum is a social worker.

I am worried for the child, it keeps coming every so often into my mind how its doing, it is my dc family. I wish I could keep it out of my mind. No one would believe us, so I wouldn't be taken seriously.

Do you think the child will be ok?

I think you have leave well alone unless you have very specific, current evidence about your ex's behaviour. People can change as they get older, and not necessarily because the new partner has different boundaies

I don't know anything current, just that he was still letting lies last year. Do you think he may have changed?

Do you think he may have changed?

Abusers only change when they have a very powerful incentive to change, and even then only if they are willing to shoulder responsibility. Which they are hardwired not to do.

So my best statistical guess would be that no, he hasn't changed.

IME people only change when they want to change.

It sounds as if he's picked another victim. Time will tell if your concerns are justified but there's nothing you can do about them now.

I wondered if her education, mature years and experience may have ment that he would be different. I know he had councelling, started smoking after we split and changed a lot, behaved much younger, dressed younger than he was, he lost weight, he was extra abusive towards me and neglectful of the kids. By the time he stopped turning up he put on weight, wore old clothes and was normal abusive towards me.

Maybe he just needs one person to push his bile onto, and he isn't like that to her and their child?

I know I shouldn't give it head space. I would feel sickened if he was the same with them.

What has triggered this fear now especially? Presumably your ex and his partner have been together for quite some time. You say you don't have contact so there's no real reason for you to be thinking about them. What has prompted the change?

It has been on going since the child was born.