sexuality crisis

[fauxpasatforty]

Hi This is my first ever thread, so I am a complete novice at this but I desperately need advice. I have been with my partner for 15 years, we have three children. Before I was with him I lived as a gay woman for several years and before that I identified as bisexual. I have had difficult times over the years-feeling more gay than straight but recently I just feel completely gay. This has been triggered by me falling for someone who is connected with my daughter's school. It has been weeks now and what I feel is completely overpowering. I have had crushes in the past but this is unbearable and quite shamelessly sexual. Could someone please help me out with some direction!

What do you want to hear?

Either commit to your relationship, or the leave poor guy. Are you sure you don't feel completely gay because you have developed a thing for a woman and that is taking over? It seems you have always thought you were bi. So is it possible to work at your current relationship or not?

Nothing would ever happen with this woman, it is just how I feel. I feel it is always me working at my relationship with my partner. I put in all the hard work really, all the love, care and communication and he has alot more freedoms than me. I am really just facillitating everyone being able to live their life.

Why did you commit to this man initially? Did you fall in love with him, or did you feel under social pressure to turn heterosexual, or was it that you wanted children and thought/felt that the best way to have and raise children was in a heteromonogamous relationship? You don't have to answer, of course, but thinking about these factors might help you understand why you feel the way you do now.
Also, what freedoms does your partner have that you don't? If you are living in a way that means he gets all the available leisure time for himself, for instance, and does little or no domestic work, it's understandable that you will resent him. You matter just as much as he does, so it might be worth working out ways of making your relationship more equal.

Thank-you for your constructive post, solidgoldbrass. We did fall in love all those years ago but there was also alot of pressure from family etc for me to be 'normal'. I definitely feel as though there is not equality in our relationship and that i work very hard, never go out in the evenings, don't drink, etc! I think I may have tried to be the perfect mum but without any rewards.

Your post heading is "sexuality crisis" but imo you're not having a sexuality crisis, but rather a "oh shit, is this it?" crisis about your current relationship and your life in general.

Do you think that, if your relationship with your DH was good and you felt happier in general, you would have such strong feelings for someone else? I don't think the gender is important. If your DH said 'right, things could be better, let's try and sort it out' would you want that, or do you feel deep down that it's not the relationship you want to be in any more? If you can work that out, you might be able to clarify how you really feel about the other woman.