If divorced or divorcing, how do you get over the feeling of being hated by ex

[feelokaboutit]

That's it really. Have 3 dc and a terrible relationship with h who is capable of not talking for weeks on end, and has controlling / angry tendencies. Dc are 6, 8 and 10 and it makes me really sad to think they might have to grow up with a separated mum and dad, but it makes me even sadder to think that they will replicate our awful relationship just because it is the only model they had . Just now h has told me to buggar off in such a cold way over something trivial and I feel crap. Feel much happier when he is not around and do seem to regain confidence quite quickly amongst people who are chatty and friendly, but feel awful when he and I are the only adults around (as this morning when he has just really coldly told me to buggar off).
Very scared of initiating and separation procedure as I think h will be difficult all the way. Also, I own nothing and cannot leave with nothing (h owns house) so this will lead to terrible fighting I am sure as h already divorced once and very wary. Only problem with this is that I am quite passive by nature and h, when angry, can be really really horrible (verbally). Don't feel I have the strength for a fight, but also don't want to waste the rest of my life with someone who hates me.
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Plus, don't know what kind of custody agreement h and I would come up with but am really scared of not living with dc all the time. However, don't see how I can carry on feeling so anxious and hated all the time either.

fighting takes two people - if you have backing of law (courts can decide) then leave his rages to him and him alone.

Don't worry too much about your children having a bad relationship model. My mum instigated a divorce from my emotionally abusive father, and I think it has given me a GOOD model of a strong woman who wouldn't put up with that sort of bad treatment.

I have been happily married for 11 years to a lovely man, so I havent repeated the bad patterns, either.

Wishing you strength - this is the worst period, in a year or two you will be feeling much brighter.

He doesn't want to 'talk'. This way, he keeps the control. One thing is for sure, there's no comfort, no kindness, no warmth in life for you in a marriage with him. Hard to say how long it will take you to rid yourself of the damage being married to someone who actively shows you they hate you, despise you, that you are worthless........ will take.