What's wrong with me?

[Magneto]

Dh and I have just had a massive row. Except it's not really a row it's just me having a go at him while he just sits there ignoring me. Then he tells me i'm just like my mother and I kick off again.

I am ashamed about the things I say. I can't honestly say they aren't true but I would normally never ever say them outloud. But his complete indifference to my feelings and what had pissed me off in the first place just makes me so fucking mad at him.

Today it's because he has agreed without telling me, to spend our only day together for the next few weeks, with his mum doing jobs for her that he doesn't know how long it will take him. He didn't ask if I already had plans for this day and doesn't care.

He is always telling me that he doesn't have to ask my permission to do something and I agree and I don't expect him to but I do expect to be consulted when he decides to bugger off somewhere for the day without ds or I.

What also really bugs me is that there are a million jobs need doing here but he is always too tired to do them so never does. When we go out as a family he is in general a miserable fuck because he's tired. But his mum asks him to do something and he jumps too it. His mum has two other grown up sons living at home with her. why can't they do it?

He's gone to his mums now to have his hair cut and I'm still so angry with him. I've given myself a headache I've been that mad.

I have been under a lot of stress recently which has been manifesting itself in annoying physical problems (twichy eye mainly!) and I am seriously worried for my mental state. In no particular order I am stressed about my job, dh's job, money, not being able to keep on top of housework, my mum (mental health problems currently estranged from her and dh hates her anyway), recent miscarriage, oh yes and my own mental health and dh's physical health (he has recurring/consistent potentially life threatening problems he is reluctant to see a doctor about, problem is I don't know how bad it is until he goes to the doctor!!!!!) Dh's answer to everything is "don't worry about it"
but considering that I can't not worry I then get
no support because he has given me his only
pearl of wisdom already. I'm daft for worrying
about all of these things apparently.

But none of this excuses the bile that spews out of my mouth when we argue. I can't take it back. At this very moment in time I dont want to but in the morning I will and he won't want to know. I dont blame him.

AND I've just discovered the fucker has removed the battery from my laptop and hidden it and possibly turned the internet off on me (I've had to turn 3G on on my phone as it couldn't connect to the wireless). What a stupid wankerish childish thing to do.

Someone please stop me using his v. Expensive record collection as frisbies and place mats.

Just because he isnt spouting bile at you doesnt mean that he isn't being a bastard! There is nothing worse than someone cold shouldering you and it would turn me into a shreaking banshee.

You have so much going on just now so anything that irks is going to be a massive flare up.

What sort of health problems does your DH have, do you think he is behaving badly because he is bottling up worry?

What he does to you is called stonewalling and it's emotional abuse of the highest order. he is driving you literally insane. He knows it and frankly he doesn't care.

get rid of him. he can go and live at his mother's. Most stonewallers are mummy's boys. Mind you, deep down they bloody hate their mothers too.

Why put up with someone using a wall of silence to turn you into the harridan you are clearly not?

get rid and don't expect him to come crawling as he will always imagine in his silent world of loathing, that everything, even the collapse of the euro, is your fault not his.

I wager a thousand pounds he has a small willy too or at least problems/some kind of weird obsession with his tackle.

His dad died from bowel cancer when dh was 4. Dh has had bladder problems for a while now which the doctors have put down to stress but he told me recently (and that probably means it's been going on a lot longer) that he is also having trouble with pooing now. I'm not entirely sure what because he won't tell me he just says "you don't want to know" but given his family history he HAS to go to the doctor.

He's a stubborn git when he wants to be and I can't physically drag him to the doctors.

Yes he is never wrong about anything. I can't deal with this now I need him. Or I at least need someone and I don't have anyone except him. My mother is gaslighting me (if that's the term) which is why I cant see or speak to her and it's killing me.

I am a bitch, I've constantly been told it (by mummy dearest ) and I've had to act like that to get through school and being bullied and I had to do it to get where I am in work.

I have had to be the one who can't be touched so how can I have let the two people closest to me in my life do this to me?

Oh dear. The person who is never wrong.
They're fun to live with.

For what it's worth OP - I doubt you're a bitch. You sure don't sound like one here.

Have a hug, and a

I'm sorry about your miscarriage. You are dealing with an awful lot right now.

Your husband is a twat. He is indeed stonewalling you, which is despicable. And the laptop battery thing? You have every right to be eye-twitchingly angry.

Well from tomorrow you are going to stop letting them. Ok? Have no further contact with your mother who sounds jealous and poisonous. You don't need her.

And start extricating yourself from your husband. If he can't shit then he needs to bloody get himself to a GP, not drag you down with his martrydom - given that you have tried to help him.

Seems to me you can't help him anymore but you most certainly can help yourself. Stonewalling is an utter head-fuck to deal with.

Be your own person from tomorrow, or asap at least. Kick the people that should love you and build you up, to the corner kerb. Because they are dragging you down and to me you sound more than capable of doing that to yourself.

If you have had to play at being the bitch to get somewhere at work then you are marching alongside many other women who have had to do the same and go home sobbing into their pillows each night. No shame in that. It's a mans world.

You have married a man who knows that ultimately you are as strong as an ox. he sounds as weak as a streak of piss and is using emotional abusive tactics to keep you feeling crap.

get divorced, do a pottery or kick-boxing course, practise being kind to yourself in the mirror everyday.

You DH is his own problem frankly after all this time and investment - after all, he ignores you so it's not exactly that he needs your support is it. You need his you say. he is still ignoring. have you googled stonewalling ? These sort don't change.

My DP is often the same (our relationship is very much on borrowed time right now). Or, if I do bring up an issue, he throws the issue back in my direction and say something pointless like, "how do you suggest we solve it?" IYSWIM, I literally might as well talk to myself.

But the stonewalling thing has got to the stage where he wants to invite his DM over (from abroad) and its like he's keeping it a secret from me. She'll turn up one day and that'll be the first I know about it! But I'm supposed to look after her.

Sorry to hijack your thread like but your DH sounds so much like mine, I'm angry for you and for me! The reason I'm angry is because with men like this, we're the ones that are made to feel like the unhinged ones, not emotionally stable, unreasonable etc....

I really do want to leave, and if you don't have kids together like we do, I think you should just make a lucky escape.