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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

just want someone special

13 replies

benbenandme · 31/01/2006 15:12

have been single for 6 months now and it is getting a lot easier to cope etc etc, BUT I miss having someone special in my life. I know everyone says you'll meet someone when you least expect it but I literally haven't met anyone (special or not!!).
I know its only 6 months but sometimes it gets so lonely and i do go out and have got great friends, but its not the same as having someone there every night who knows you inside out and loves you. I miss the hugs, the sex, the company, the someone to put the kettle on, the someone just there.
I know I probably sound really miserable and in some ways I'm not, I actually feel better than I have done for quite a while, but it gets me down when I think how happy I was and how its all gone, and how I want that happy feeling back, (not necessarily ex back!). I just want a new special person in my life right now!! I am going out tonight so will begin looking, but know it just doesn't happen like that !!

OP posts:

snowleopard · 31/01/2006 15:43

I remember that feeling from when I was single BBAM. It's all very well trying to be single and happy, better off without him, blah blah but sometimes that's hard. I remember saying to myself, no, I do not actually like this at all, I would rather be in a couple. Some people function better in a couple. Good on you for being able to admit you feel like that, and also, paradoxically, for still being single - it's a good sign that you haven't just shacked up with someone immediately.

So here comes the cliche - it will happen eventually! Good luck, have fun tonight.

beejay · 31/01/2006 15:49

Oh I know what you mean. Keep telling yourself that six months is hardly any time at all -- and that being single is always better than being in a bad relationship.
It will happen but in the meantime keep busy!

crazydazy · 31/01/2006 16:06

You should go to the Singles in the Supermarket night? It might just be the Leeds area tonight but I know they go all over the country. Its seems like a brilliant idea and I would try it if was single without a doubt.

My sister is single too and I feel sorry for her that she can't meet the right man so I do feel for you too BenBenandme

Original poster

benbenandme · 31/01/2006 17:15

Think it would be easier if I had thought I was in a bad relationship - I was completely happy, turns out he wasn't! So he moved out and moved in with someone else after 10 days and they are completely loved up and are off on holiday together tomorrow
Have deliberately not looked much yet anyway as I need to get over ex and get used to being on my own with ds, but Snowleopard got it just right - I prefer being in a couple !!

OP posts:

amanda1 · 31/01/2006 17:23

Message withdrawn

tessieb · 31/01/2006 18:05

I feel just the same, benbenandme. I've been single for over 3 years now and, although quite happy, it would be nice to meet someone special. I think I'd be pretty choosy, though, as I reckon it's much better to be alone than in an unhappy relationship. But, I just never seem to have the opportunity to meet anyone (or maybe I'm not really trying hard enough!).

dizzy34 · 31/01/2006 18:07

Hi there, sorry to hear what happened. Is it over for good or could it be some midlife crisis type thing? Had he known her long or just met her? Do you only have the one child with him? This happened to me with my ex, he left me for the childrens nursery teacher.

desperateinsuburbia · 31/01/2006 18:58

im married, and i miss having someone special in my life.

lazyanna · 01/02/2006 08:13

desperate - I know exactly what you are saying - amazing how lonely us "happily marrieds" can be

Original poster

benbenandme · 01/02/2006 09:15

dizzy, yep definatly over for good, although he says hes 95% sure we wouldn't ever get back together I know I would never trust him again so it couldn't work even though I want it more than anything
He had worked with her for about a year, she is 21 hes 26, I'm 32. He says it was the age difference that was the main problem - he wanted to go out and have fun and I didn't apparently - I just reminded him that he didn't want to go out much before we had ds and that once you've got kids your social life does go out the window for a bit !!
Am sure she just seems young and exciting at the moment, with no responsibilities, but it hurts like hell to be traded in for a younger model !!

OP posts:

sanchpanch · 01/02/2006 10:19

hi ben ben...

I am with you i know there is no going back with ex... although i would love him to want me back!!! if you know what i mean, but i could never trust him again and he has been a different person since we split, and i dont think i would ever forgive him for this, i have written it all down, and i read it whenever i think about wanting my family back together,

As for the dating i have had a few snogs in night clubs (classy bird!!!) but nothing more, and i did go through the stage that i felt i was being unfaithful to him . god knows why but i did....

Anyway i feel scared but excited about meeting someone new, have thought about speed dating, i live in milton keynes and there seems to be a few events going on in this area, its just having the courage to do it, maybe when i have lost a bit more weight.

And i know i shouldnt think it, but i know it would be the best revenge to the ex cause he would hate me to be with someone, and his kids to be with someone else (although that would be a way in the future..

Best of luck on your man hunt, and i am with the others, i will be much more choosy this time round and settle for no less...

Let us know how you get on xx

sheepgomeep · 04/02/2006 11:41

The moment I stopped looking for someone special to share my life. I actually found someone! Strangely enough that special person turned out to be someone I'd worked with for almost a year, and sort of fancied but I never for one second thought we would get together as he was in a relationship and I still wanted my ex back. Besides I never even knew that he fancied me (which he said he did from his first day there but was too loyal to his gf to do anything about)
Anyway they split up (not cos of me but because she went behind his back)> I became a friend to him and then we got closer together.. I realised that I really fancied his pants off and we've been together nearly 7 months!

six months is a short time really (I was on my own for 17 months)and I think you should give yourself a chance. Go out when you can and have a bit of fun first and then I guarantee it will happen one day. I gave up on men really because all the 'potential' ones I met were only after one thing and all of them were into dirty texting but new partner wasn't (that's how I knew he was right!)

My ex traded me in for a 16 year old which really dented my self worth and its taken me all this time to realise what a tosser he really is and I couldn't care less about him now!!

good luck

sheepgomeep · 04/02/2006 11:41

My ex traded me in for a 16 year old which really dented my self worth and its taken me all this time to realise what a tosser he really is and I couldn't care less about him now!!

good luck

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