Very worried about the state of my best friend, please advise.

[McPhee]

Basically we've been best friends since we were at Junior School, and she means the world to me. We've been through some really bad times together, but this time I really do not have a clue what I can do, if anything, to help her .

Nine years ago, she was emotionally forced in to having a termination by her so called DH, and really since then their relationship has been under some strain. They've got three children, and over this time I feel like her DH has basically stopped parenting them, and instead wanted to be their 'friend'. This means my friend is doing all of the disciplining alone, and her children have played her and him off of each other, knowing that daddy will take their side. He's been known to call her bad names and taunt her infront of the children, so they copy him . Her mother has had a lot of MH problems over the years, and this is thrown in to my friends face as well, with him saying, again in front of the children, that she'll end up in a mental home like her mother. Twice this week I've had her in tears on the phone, and I feel totally helpless. Yes I can listen, but I don't know what I really should be saying to her.

The latest today is that her (D)H has told her she needs to leave the house and she clearly hates her children

Please help, I'm 6 months pregnant and struggling a bit myself but I can't just ignore this

Thank you.

Just a thought, but if you know her from way back have you any contact with the MiL? Or with her mother? Perhaps you can work together unobtrusively to support her until she is ready to face the fact that this is real abuse?
Talking to WA does make it real and when you would do anything not to be in that position then you can't hear what they are saying.
There is some good advice on WA about how to support a friend in this situation.
And any chance you could engineer you and DP visiting at some point or inviting her and her DCs to yours so that she sees what a good supportive partner is like?

Unfortunately I don't know her MIL that well, she has in the past pretty much kept herself to herself. Mainly because her son has lied to her about his wife, meaning their paths rarely crossed. All very odd I know. As for her mum, she has has MH issues since my friend was a young child, been in and out of various places of care, so is not in an emotional or mental position to support either. This is so hard, when the main points of contact aren't really accessible easily. I do have her MIL on my FB, but is that really an appropriate way to contact her, and what if I put my foot in it. I know she's already in a bad place because of what she's found out about her son.

Oh crap, it's bloody hard

You could tell her that you know what she knows and you are there for her too if she needs support.... ? worth a try?

Oh and PinkPussycat, you know you can speak for me anytime! Especially when it comes to this subject!

I spoke to her last night, and strangly she didn't mention anything about her husband. She mainly spoke about the kids and her dog, most odd. I'm going to pick her up after lunch and take her out for a coffee, then tonight she's able to come out with me to celebrate my birthday.

Maybe face to face we can talk better, especially without her children in the background. We'l have to wait until her husband gets back from an activity before we can go out though, and being civil to him is going to be very hard for me