Dealing with rejection

[confusedmamma]

I have been single since my husband and I split up 5 years ago. I have a very casual relationship with someone and he has helped me build up my confeidence sexually but I am still pretty much paralysed with fear at the thought of dating properly and getting hurt again. I have made enormous progress since I split up with my ex in so many ways and I would love to start dating properly again but I fear that any bad experience would send me back to te state I was in originally. Have any of you had your confidence shattered and then overcome all of that successfully ?

By the way, before any one asks my aforementioned sexual therapist lives with his mummy and daddy, is no way interested in a proper relatonship and it's fine as it is.

Help please

Oops. I've just been rejected on mumsnet too !

Sorry you've not had any replies.. i am a long way from considering dating again so can't help but I'm sure the ladies who have been there an done that will be along soon x

It is a beautiful day and I guess lots will log on later! Meantime, I would advise you to just socialise a bit, don't see a 'date' as a prospective partner who could 'reject' you. Just put your toe in the water, and have fun. See dating as a time to see if you like the person enough to spend even more time with them. Don't for one minute think it is 'all up to them' to decide whether or not to proceed. Listen carefully about such things a why they are single, what happened to their last or previous relationships as it gives a bit clue as to what they are looking for and why they are likely to 'move on'. Just because they are dating it DOES NOT MEAN they want to have just one lady in their life. It truly depends who you meet. As we all get older we meet people of a similar age, and they have baggage and history so listen carefully, very carefully.

Have fun, be brave but don't wear rose tinted specticles, ever!!!

It's always horrible putting yourself out there and fearing rejection.

In some ways it doesn't get any easier the older you are, my mum and her friends have just as much anxiety and heartbreak as teenagers finding new relationships, although when it works, it's wonderful.

My advice is confide in a good friend that you'd like to meet someone and have someone to tell if you get a date or talk about how it's going. It's much more fun if you share it and make it more like an adventure than sit at home and worry about what's normal and what you should do next etc. You should also think about making new friends and seeing what happens, it's unlikely that the first date you go on will lead to a serious relationship. I also found I needed a break every now and again when dating, you just get fed up of getting out there and not finding Mr Right (who probably doesn't exist).

But don't be too hard on yourself, it's very hard to put yourself in the position to get potentially rejected again, but this time you are wiser and older and hopefully will have a better experience. Good luck.