Getting worn down by husband's lack of respect

[mamut]

I was made redundant my p.t. job 2 years ago. We have two under 5s. I was lucky in my previous job as I worked from home and could fit in my hours around the family. I am looking for work and have had interviews but haven't had any job offers yet.

Anyhoo. My husband frequently rants at me that he didn't think I'd be a SAHM when we first got together and he is embarrassed by it. He searches for vacancies on my behalf. However, when I look I prefer to look for local, p.t. posts. He on the other hand thinks I should be prepared to travel 3hrs per day and even consider f.t. work. I really want to be here for the kids as much as possible when they're so young but I want to get back into the job market so understand that some sacrifice is probably necessary on this front. I think we differ on just how much though. We are comfortable financially so money isn't really an issue.

Well, to top it all off, for international woman's day I made a reference that I should have been "celebrated" and I hinted that I'd welcome flowers (the tradition where my husband is from) - and he replied that only working women deserved them.

I'm getting sick of the put downs. It doesn't help that some "friends" in work speak of how they couldn't be at home SAHMs (they'd go crazy, brain dead etc).
Any advice on how to handle the situation? Am I being unreasonable to not want to enjoy the kids when they're little?

OP if what ive seen (and what my mum tried to bring me up to believe) is anything to go by you will be expected to go out to work full time and do all the childcare and housework as well.
You need to start standing up for yourself and making it very clear to him that support networks exist for women in this country and that things are different here.
You dont want your children growing up thinking that its ok to treat females with disrespect and as second class citezens.
Im interested to know....if you do go out to work will all the childcare costs be coming out of your wages or will he be stumping up some of the cost for the DCS which are HIS children too.

Oh dear, he sounds like he thinks you are second-best, whether SAH or getting a job in which you will be the one running around dong all the child-management, housework and taking time off if they are ill. He just doesn't get equality at all.

I don't know what you do with men like this, my husband has many flaws (as do I), but he has never ever tried to put me down, he helps my career, looks after the children etc. And he is from Eastern Europe where a lot of women work (as relatively poor) so it's not just a cultural thing.

Going away for the weekend and leaving him to it might be a start. Then, perhaps back to relate as someone else has detailed, going through all the jobs that have to be done in the week and detailing what he'll be responsible for.

The only other thing that occurs to me is whether he's worried if you only get a part-time job, you might never go back f/t. Which would be fine if everyone agrees it's fine, but perhaps he does not. Talking about this may help.

But his remark about International Women's Day stinks and it's about time he did start to appreciate what you have done over the last few years (two under 5) and thanking you for that. It doesn't mean everything has to stay the same for ever.