H has treated me like poo the whole of our relationship, why am I still here??

[DesperateNeedhelp]

Ive name changed for this, as he knows my mumsnet name .......We've been together for nearly 7 years, I've got a DD from a previous relationship and tiger we have 2 DS's. We've been married for 2 and a half years. I feel sick writing this, and know when I read it back I'll think 'God you're a mug for staying so long'
He had a horrid childhood which incl sexual abuse. This has lead to him continually questioning his sexuality....ie websites, sex lines, meeting with men etc....all whilst we've been together. Anyway last night he went out, I checked his phone this morning and he'd been on Craigslist in the casual encounters section and had messaged someone. This is the last straw really. I know every word that's goin to come out of his mouth. I'm ready for the weak excuses. He needs to get help without being in a relationship. I shouldn't have stayed this long. But I love him. However I don't t know if I'm in love with him.
I need some support and help as to what to do next. We're in the process of moving house (we rent but own a flat, which has tenants in it). I need some space from him....
Thank you in advance.

You're right, you shouldn't have stayed this long. Can you really love someone who behaves like this towards you, or do you just feel responsible for him and you're mistaking that for love? Do you respect him? He sure as hell doesn't have any respect for you.

I think you're right on the sense he needs to seek help about his past, if he hasn't done so already. And he needs to decide, alone , whether he is gay, straight or bi.

It's not fair that you are in limbo as he questions his life.

From your post, my instinct would be for a trial separation and ask him to actually think about what he wants, as he is deceiving you and himself.

Did he actually meet someone do you know?

From recent experience, I would do more digging if I was you before any confrontation. So check his phone thoroughly including the Internet history if it has Internet on it. Also check the computers history thoroughly and his e mails if you can. Just to find out as much info as you can before you confront him. Or chances are he'll delete everything after the confrontation and you won't know everything.

Deception is deception IMO. But if the reason he is behaving like this is due to his history then I would handle the situation more delicately.

Good luck

Regardless of history, I don't think such behaviour is appropriate in a relationship. He should not have enter one and have kids if he questioned his sexuality.
Tbh it just seems an excuse to have his cak and eat it.
People with abuse issues who want to sort them out go to counselling, they don't visit porn or chat sites. Let alone meet other people. It's cheating.

I'd just get legal advice and get evidence of his online activities.

He may well overcome his issues, but it has to be without stringing you along and you giving permission for his behaviour.
That means actual separation and divorce if necessary.

Thank you for your replies....he's up and he knows what I've seen. Keeps saying I didn't do anything....er yes you did, looking is enough, he doesn't understand or doesn't want too.
Yes he's def met up with men one that lived about 10 mins from my house! It was more of an emotional affair. You're all right on everything. I will be getting legal advice and have kept evidence. And he changed the settings on his phone to delete all history as it goes think its called private browsing....scum bag.
Enough is enough. My boys will not learn that its ok to treat women like this and my daughter will learn that it's not ok to be treated like this.

I really hope you make the break this time. I recognise your situation, I think

This man doesn't respect women, and he doesn't respect you

Move on, really, do you want to live the rest of your life like this ?