I have a male friend who I have in the past been very close to and who I do care for greatly. His current girlfriend is a complete fucking psycho errr interesting. He is not allowed to have any friends. Male or female. He isn't allowed to go out for a movie, a meal or for a quick drink and chat. She lives quite far from him so they only see each other once a month or so, and she is very suspicious and controlling, expecting him to have no social life if she is not there. She also takes him for every penny she can, cheats on him etc etc. His relationship is NONE of my business, but the way he makes me feel about myself IS. To be honest I feel like a second class friend and that the friendship is all take and no give.
For example, I dislocated my knee a while back while we were both playing volleyball. I was dizzy and vomitting with the pain and could not put any weight on my leg. He did not take me home/to hospital or even get me into a taxi. He left me to fend for myself. Luckily I had a wonderful taxi driver that was an angel and got me safely up the stairs into my first floor flat. The next day other friends helped me and got me to hospital where I was told I probably would need an operation on my knee. So not really a minor injury. He did not help as she would not have liked him going to another womans' flat and he had to respect her feelings on that.
I am his last close friend - everyone else has gone. Obviously this is a toxic relationship for him and part of me says don't abandon him like everyone else, but part of me just doesn't want to hear about his constant problems. While he is with her our friendship is all about him and how miserable he is - no laughs or support for me. When they split, after he has grieved for a while, I get my funny, sweet, kind friend back. At the moment I am exceptionally vunerable myself as my life is falling apart - I have to drop out of uni due to money problems, can't afford the op I need for my knee so am in constant pain, can't find a job, will probably lose my home etc etc (I live abroad so no benefits/health care/uni funding). At this point in my life there is nothing in me to give to other people and I just really want my other close supportive friends around me that make me feel good about myself and are being amazing :)
Does it make me a bad person to walk away from the friendship? We are in the same very small tutorial group at uni, so can't totally avoid each other, and I will obviously still be friendly and say hello/have a brief chat as part of a group. I just DON'T want to sit beside him every day hearing about his problems and have him call me at 2am whenever she dumps him and so forth.