If most (but not all) of the guys you go on dates with turn out to be insecure losers>

[KarmaK]

does it mean there must be something wrong with you as a person to keep attracting those types of men?

First congratulate yourself on having recognized a pattern. (Saying something is "wrong" with you sounds far too self-blaming)

Then work on yourself to find out what you are projecting to these men, and why you are projecting it. Understanding that will be key to altering your behaviour, as you may need to deconstruct some pretty deep-held beliefs (about you, about relationships...) first.

Good luck.

Appearances can be deceptive but it should only take one date to sort out the wheat from the chaff.

If you go on second dates with insecure or obvious losers, chances are it'll be a case of like attracts like.

Either way, you've only got yourself to blame for wasting time on twats.

Harsh, izzy.

Izzyizin, with the most recent character on the first date he was able to appear entirely normal. On the second date the cracks were starting to appear, but I chose to gloss over them and go on a third date. By the third date it was abundantly clear the man is a complete twat.

I have a history of being overly accepting of bad people. Not just in romantic relationships but in all sorts of relationships. My mother is an abuser and clearly I had to accept her (when I was a child) as you can't just say "this mother won't do, I'm leaving her!" and thus the pattern has continued into adulthood. But now I'm actually aware of it and hoping to stop it.

Thank you for wishing me good luck HotDAMN

Karma, are you meeting these people online? Which sites? Do you talk for a while on the phone before you meet? If so, could you spot anything that way?

I'm dying to know what the signs were in that man! I've been in that situation and once I've realised what's going on, it can be quite funny finding the flags (before scarpering.)

Harsh but true HotDamn.

He managed to fool you for one date, Karmak, but you saw the man behind the mask when it cracked on the second date.

In future, trust your instincts and don't be tempted to give a loser a third chance.

ImperialBlether, no I've never done online dating. I meet men in the usual places, like at work-related events, weddings, friends' parties etc. As for the signs in that man, it was his compulsive lies where he claimed to know certain people who work in my industry only for it to emerge he didn't know them at all. He also squeezed in a few subtle put-downs about me and my career. For example he'd asked me if I was travelling abroad any time soon. I mentioned that I was going to be a speaker at an event later in the year in the US and he said, "they hired YOU, to speak? How on earth did you manage that?"

He would also make astoundingly malicious comments about other people, every now and then. shudder

Bloody hell, Karma, he was vile!

Well done for spotting them so soon! It could be much, much worse!

I have a history of being overly accepting of bad people. Not just in romantic relationships but in all sorts of relationships. My mother is an abuser and clearly I had to accept her (when I was a child) as you can't just say "this mother won't do, I'm leaving her!" and thus the pattern has continued into adulthood. But now I'm actually aware of it and hoping to stop it.

I'm thrilled to see you have it all figured out. Go you!