when going on dates, do you let the man pick up the tab?

[KarmaK]

how long for?

No never on a first date, if we have been dating for a while then if he pays I will pay next time, I am fiercely independent though and would feel like a sponge if I didn't pay too

No, not on first date - 50/50 always. Subsequent dates would either be the same or take it in turns.

Men I've known say that if a woman insists on paying half (rather than offering) it's a sign she doesn't want to see them again.

No. I never did. I always paid my own way. I am equal. In every way, both in rights and responsibilities. This doesn't mean splitting the bill every time, necessarily. If he paid one time, I'd pay the next. He might want to treat me, I'd want to treat him. If he got drinks in - so did I. But it was never ever all one way - ie - from his pocket. I didn't like feeling like a) I was after a free ride, b) I could be bought or c) I was the little woman.

I go by the rule of 3. If they've survived the cull they've footed the bill for 3 dates, I make sure the next one is entirely on me by buying tickets for some event or other, or having a word with a restaurant beforehand to ensure that the bill is presented to me when I go to powder my nose.

Or, if they're extremely lucky, I'll buy in something from Fortnums cook them a gourmet meal with fine wines to match.

After that, it's ad hoc and if I reckon their total entertainments bill is adding up to considerably more than mine, I'll amend the balance with a gift or two.

If I date a guy on my level, so to speak, then I offer to go 50/50. Sometimes he insists, sometimes not. If he has paid I then insist on leaving the tip and then perhaps pay for a drink afterwards.

However, if a guy is pretty minted and has proper manners, I find that a trip to the loo after the meal is an easy way for him to pay whilst I am not there and by the time I get back they will have already sorted everything out. If we go on to a bar I will buy a drink then. Men who have let you know they are well off never want you to pay I find so I just go along with it.

Many years ago I paid for a meal for a guy but realised shortly after that he was a cocklodger, although it never went that far so I got off lightly. Never again.

I don't like going for a meal on a first date, partly because it's bloody awkard, and partly because of the paying issue. I go for drinks, you can go in rounds. If I do go for a meal, it's generally because they pushed for it, so I would offer to pay half, but not push for it. But I would pay for drinks afterwards, or tickets to cinema, etc.

What on earth is a cocklodger?

A man who wants to park his cock in your garage and be paid for the privilege, Karmak.

@ izzy

50/50, or at least try to insist on 50/50.

I reckon you could have given a more scathing better definition than mine IB

50/50 all the way, but not to the extent of fighting over the bill like Mrs Doyle in a teashop. If he got the cinema tickets, I got the drinks after. Or whatever.

I find people being tight with their money very unattractive, and so never wanted to seem that way myself while on a date.

Most of my friends from uni and postgrad uni all agreed. I live in America now and apparently here the women are horrified if a man doesn't pay on the first date. Apparently it's an insult if he even suggests splitting the bill, at least early on. To which i thought ... I got more narked with men who insisted on paying with their mighty penis largesse ... it's so patronising.

Happily DH is English and we met when both penniless students so I've never had to deal with the horrors of dating in nyc!

Well my first dates are all going to be drinks, so i will hope to have two rounds, he pays for the first one, I pay for the second. worst case scenario someone ends up paying more than the other, and on the upside....it would mean i would have to see him a gain to buy him another drink!

Every guy I date insists on picking up the tab. Is that weird then?

I'm on date 16 (yes I'm still counting) and we take it in turns. Though first couple of dates he insisted on paying for everything which I found awkward coz I like to pay my way but 7 weeks down the line, I'm more than happy taking turns.

Depends on the circumstances I would say. I went out with a girl who had no money. I had money so I paid everytime we went out for a meal as we couldnt have ever have gone out otherwise. I made it clear early doors that I didn't expect her to pay. She made up for this by making me lovely meals and buying a bottle of wine for us when we stayed in. It worked well.