Ok, this is a long one. I'm planning my wedding at the moment and my folks are being a handful and their behaviour the last couple of weekends has left me all at sea. I don't know how to please them.
Basically, DH and I had a very short informal registry office wedding a while ago and had decided to have a celebration later when we could afford it. So that's what we're doing. He is quite "blokey" and doesn't really want to be involved with the planning so I'm happily doing it and enjoying myself. My father got quite shirty when we said we'd be paying for it and said it was his role etc. etc. so I said thanks dad, that would be great please do pay if you really want to. He doesn't know but I'm saving up as well just in case he can't really cover all the costs. We have a bit of a history of him loudly expressing that he wants to pay for stuff and me actually paying but anyway....
I've only really given serious thought so far to the venue and the dress. I looked online for the dress, sent loads of e-mails to mum with options asking for her input, looked at sites with her before falling in love with one.
Did similar for the venue. When I found a place that has history for me and DH was affordable immediately rung them for their thoughts, arranged a appointment for all of us to go look at the venue, asked them what they thought, got costs etc from the venue, ran over them with the parents, got the contract from the venue and e-mailed it to Dad for his input before I signed anything. Of course I've thought about some other things but only to the point of "oh x might be nice.. I'll look into it later" certainly not done anything concrete without running my ideas by them.
Last saturday my folks called and asked to come round to discuss the wedding. I agreed and sadly my mum started talking over me and like an idiot I snapped a bit and said "For god's sake mum stop talking and let me finish" She blew her top and gave me a dressing down the like of which I've not had since I was a child. I didn't respond, just busied myself playing with DS. They left a few minutes later after asking a couple of questions about who we are inviting which I answered as smilingly as I could. I was devastated, and cried my heart out as soon as DS was safely in bed. DH was at work so he knows none of this.
This Friday my dad said he wanted to take me out for lunch. He sounded serious so I agreed to meet him. He took me to a pub and gave me a lecture about how I'd made them feel like they were nothing more than guests, I'm not involving them, my mum's really offended by how I'm treating her and how I'm selfish and must promise to involve them more. Oh and he'd like to invite a group of his own friends that I don't know to the wedding. I was literally shaking with anger and sadness but I kept my cool, said of course I would left and had another cry in the car before going back to work.
And what I'm asking is this does anyone have any clue how I can involve them more? Seriously, what more could I have done?! I don't know where I've gone wrong or how big an involvement parents traditionally have in the organisation of weddings. Normally they are NOT this controlling, we're very close.
Sorry for the essay. HELP!