Please Help

[skippy84]

Just looking for some input. I have a two year old son with DP we have been together for 7 years and he is 10 years older than me. We both work so have had little time together had planned to get married in November venue booked I found a lovely dress etc. for the last month he has raised concerns about us not getting on and the wedding putting unnecessary pressure on our relationship. He has also said he dosent want more children where as I want more. We have now cancelled the wedding and I feel so hurt and angry. I feel like if he can't comit to us as a family now he never will. Also very embarrassed because people had made travel plans etc. right now I feel like I have no option but to leave to have some chance to meet someone new and have a chance at a happy family life. In still young (under 30) should I go or try to work at it.

Depends really that's a bit of a biggy really, why did he go along with it for so long? Why do you think he just has cold feet? what sort of issues have you been having?

Doesn't look good for the long term, does it?

If you leave him there's no guarantee that life will work out the way you want it to but if you don't, you'll never know if it could have done.

Where does love feature in your dilemma? It sounds as if you're both somewhat disenchanted with each other.

I think you need to have a talk with him about whether he actually wants to stay in the relationship. And about what both of you want from each other. Don't let yourself be put in the position where the whole relationship becomes 'whether or not you can make him commit' because that means you scurry around trying to please him while he gazes into the distance and starts muttering about 'something not being right' every time he doesn't get his own way.

I do love him, the relationship has not been great I admit but I put that down to us both working and having a small child. I thought the foundations were good but obviously there's ups and downs. I don't know what he thinks. He says he loves me and wants to work things out but why the huge aversion to getting married. I thought that is what marriage is - committing to stay together and work things out

Well, some people don't like marriage. Some people have (perfectly valid) ethical objections to the instituation of marriage with its connotations of male ownership of women as a resource. Some feel that it has a negative effect of pushing people into traditional roles that don't suit them.

Though the people who think that are more often women than men, because marriage has always been more beneficial to men than women and was designed that way.

If your relationship is 'not that good' then your P is actually being very sensible to postpone the wedding; a wedding won't fix a bad relationship just like magic. Have a think about the relationship, about what is wrong in it (because there are things wrong or you wouldn't be feeling the way you do) and talk to him about what you both think needs to be done to make it better.