Tell me how to be a better patient

[JobCarHouseNoBaby]

I've broken my foot. Quite severely according to the hospital consultants. I cannot put any weight on it at all and have to keep it elevated on the sofa/bed as much as possible. I can just about hop around the house on crutches but need both and so can't carry anything from A to B.

Mum had been here for a.week to help whilst DP was at work. She left yesterday and.since then DP has been trying to look after me plus work full time.

He is being exceedingly stroppy, to the point he reduced me to tears this morning before he left for work. Id woken him up to remind him to put the bin out. He didn't appreciate getting up 10 mins before his alarm.

This evening he put away the online food delivery and I asked him if he could carry my toiletries up to the bathroom. Cue lots of huffing and grumpyness.

I don't know what to do. I don't like having to constantly ask him to do stuff for me (I hate it myself) and it's actually getting me down how much independence I've Lost.

I feel awful for him, he works long hours including 2 Saturdays a month so I know i need to tread delicately when asking him to help me.

One option is I gp stay with my parents until I'm more mobile but they are 4hrs away so would mean living apart for several weeks. Not ideal when we are also planning our wedding for later this year.

I don't thiml

bloody phone posted before I'd finished..

I don't think he's to blame for getting fed up, he works long hours and having to do everything for me is a lot on top of a 6 day week.

Just wondered if there are any other MNers out there who are in or have been in a similar situation? How did you manage without putting too much additional strain on your relationship?

He reduced you to tears for waking him ten minutes early? I think I'd be putting the wedding plans on ice if I were you. That doesn't bode well. I know people get grumpy and tired, but after he reduced you to tears this morning, he went on and grumped about putting stuff upstairs? What about when life thows more curveballs, as it is does? Are you going to tread on eggshells? What about the exhaustion when kids arrive?

Before we married, dh had a knee op and was on crutches for a few weeks. I thought I was going to love looking after him but by day two, when he refused to lie down and let me cater to him, the clickety clack of the crutches on the floorboards really started to grate on me. I wasn't sure if it was noise or the fact he was not allowing me to look after him. I surprised myself by not loving my Florence role because he wasn't going along with it! Says more about me I know . I didn't strop at him though, I didn't make an already ill person feel more shit than they already did. Because I love him. I did what I could to make his life easier.

Your mum only left yesterday so it's not as though your dp has been running himself ragged helping you all week. Unless your mum being here has stressed him out...

Couldn't he have put the bin out last night and why did you have to remind him? Doesn't he have a memory of his own he can call on?

Your mum's only been gone 24 hours and already he's huffing and puffing about having to put some shopping away and carry a few bits up to the bathroom?

I suggest you hop off to your mum's and don't bother coming back to Mr Grumpy. If he behaves like this when all you've done is broken your foot, I dread to think what he'd be like if you developed a serious or long term illness.

And as for the prospect of having dc with this man... it very much sounds as if you'll be left holding the baby while treading on eggshells around him because he'll need his rest after all of those long hours he puts in at work

I ditched a guy because he failed to offer to cut up some food on my plate - I'm righthanded; I broken my right arm and was in plaster from fingertips to shoulder. He saw I was struggling and when I eventually asked him to help me, I saw his eyes roll skyward and that was more than enough for me to dump the inconsiderate twat my tres dishy orthopaedic surgeon proved to be much more caring.

Forget about being a better patient, honey. Your dp needs to learn patience and if he doesn't shape up pronto, you're best advised to ex him.

It's also worrying that you've asked how to be 'a better patient' when the question you should more rightly have posed is 'how can I make my dp step up to the plate?'

Do you feel that there's a healthy balance in your relationship? Does he pull his weight around the house or do you shoulder most of the domestic burdens?

This could have been written by my friend's daughter. She has broken her leg before Christmas and because of her complex health issues (diabetes and a transplant survivor), they have been unable to operate to pin it and she has been in plaster for getting on four months. Mobility is as you describe, she cannot put weight on it so dependant on two crutches. She's depressed understandbly and her H is playing up and being difficult about helping her. I kind of see both sides in their relationship as she is not always responsible about managing her other more serious health issues and I think he has reached a point of complete frustration because he no longer feels like her husband but her carer. (That sounds harsh given the "in sickness and in health vow" but I guess its not uncommon.)

Completely different for you OP so I conclude that I agree with the poster that says your post is entitled incorrectly - it should be him posting asking how he can ensure he supports is temporarily disabled wife! Get better soon.

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with increasingly bad SPD. I can't do much at all. I spend most of my day sitting in my chair. I can only do little jobs and sometimes only half of them (I can stack and empty the top shelf of the dishwasher but not the bottom shelf for example!).

My partner has worked all five days this week, including 3 12 hour shifts, and he has also had to go to work for a few hours today. He isn't grumping and complaining at me because he knows it isn't my fault.

I can understand that he is tired and having to do extra, but he shouldn't be taking it out on you. I presume you are remembering your please, thank you very much, would you minds, and so on and not just issuing orders from your sickbed.

I had an operation on Wednesday and I'm a bit more mobile now, but my boyfriend is being great! The first night I was home I had to wake him up three times so I could go to the bathroom (I couldn't get out of bed on my own) and he's been doing a lot of fetching and carrying and moving me around the place. Your DP needs to man up I think.....

On monday go to your local Red Cross equipment loan office (Surgery will know where it is) and ask for a zimmer frame to use instead of crutches.

Forget the pensioner image , it's just to use indoors and temporary

You can then attach a bag onto the frame so you can carry things , although not a cup of tea.

I have a 96yr old man who has fractured his ankle and this is how he is managing.

96yr old patient

I haven't got a 96yr old man to myself

Is he rich ..erm... 'well-heeled', ggirl?

If so, 96yrs old, no relatives, no problem

You don't need to be a better patient - he needs to get his act together! I used a Zimmer frame too as well as an across the body bag to carry things from A to B. Hope you have speedy recovery :)

Hi again

Thanks for the supportive replies. I must admit that I probably posted unneccessarily last night. He'd had a stressful week with my mum here (they don't get on too well) and a horrible week at work. Combined with that TFI Friday feeling I think he could be excused for being a bit grumbly last night.

Today he has been fantastic. Got up early on his first Saturday off in weeks to take me to the hospital at 8.30am for a blood test. Took me into town to shopmobility to renew wheelchair hire. Indulged me in wheeling me around town so I could browse shops, even though I didn't buy anything. Hoovered house upon return home (without me asking) and is now having 'his time' in front of the rugby while I'm on MN. After the rugby he is going to do the laundry and cook me a special dinner. Later he will do the ironing.

I think we both got stressed out with my mum here (she is intense) and if today is anything to go by, he's much better after a good nights sleep.

Awwwww - I love him now.

I've been in the same situation - having relatives staying who were trying to help was a bit trying!

Perhaps you could do the ironing? have the ironing board as low as it goes & sit on the sofa to do it.

(I do it all the time & chop all my veg on my lap - though not at the same time!)

He can cook the dinner as planned.