Newly single and need advice on dating rules of engagement!

[gonenative]

Hi all

Really really need some advice on a relationship of sorts that I have found myself in!

First, a bit of background - my ex moved out a month ago after being together for 9 years but working towards a separation for the last 2. We have 2 young children together and share custody equally. The kids have adjusted well to the split and so far it is all as amicable as one could hope for.

I met a v attractive man a couple of months ago, we chatted and flirted a bit but that was all.

One week after my ex moved out, he contacted me, ended up coming over and spent the night.

Since then we have spent 4 or 5 nights together (over the last 3 weeks) and last weekend spent most of the weekend together.

However last weekend we also had "the conversation", in which he stated he wasn't up for anything serious or long term, but would like to continue hanging out, doing stuff together (dinner, movies, etc) and of course having sex. He is a few years younger than me, and has no kids which I'm sure are both major factors.

It is, in my view at least, already more than just a "booty call" situation as we talk a lot about quite intimate stuff, go out for dinner etc, and are very affectionate beyond just sex. He seems to want to be in regular contact and to see as much as possible of me at the weekends.

So here lies the dilemma - on the one hand I am not at all in the right headspace to get into a full on relationship, he's great company, we have amazing chemistry , and he would demand very little of my time which suits me as my primary focus is the kids - on the other I'm not sure I'm able to maintain a casual thing without falling for him and am scared of getting hurt. I have only ever had long term relationships (apart from a few one night stands).

What to do? Does anyone have any advice on / experience of this type of situation? I'm all at sea and would really appreciate your thoughts!

Take it one step at a time, would be my advice (says she who is sitting starring at her phone waiting for a chap to text her regards of a date next week and after only leaving exHusband a few months ago!

Op, it's only been 3 weeks so you are both in the first flush of lust and liking each other. He probably is more aware of it than you are! it's too early to talk about falling for him as you've seen the best side of him so far, also he may well pull back a bit after a while and ese you less, you may be still put off by this and various other things. You definetely shouldn't already be thinking of being in love especially given his attitude and also age etc. You aer still vulnerable aftre the LTR so bear this in mind. I would suggest that YOU tell him that this is all too intense and suggest meeting a bit less, just to protect yourself from getting too involved, while still enjoying his company.

Very sound advice, thank you!

I'm certainly not falling in love with him, but yes my normally rational mind has definitely been clouded by the lust and excitement of it all, and I think you are right to say that I should probably take a step back, just don't want to sabotage something that could potentially be a perfect short term distraction if you see what I mean?

yes, see what you mean but this won't sabotage it or put him off (if he's normal at all that is ), if anything he will admire you for doing what's comfortable for you. I didn't mean any drastic reduction of you seeing him, just cut it down a bit, find a balance.