We are losing each other :-(

[Shiraz]

To cut a long story short dp left his job in early Jan after several months of Harrasment and not being paid. He's filing for Unfair dismissal.

Ever since Sept we have had NO money, i went out in Nov and got a temp xmas job which i hate but pays enough for food each week. Rent, bills, etc are all miles behind and we are suffereing like hell financially. We don;t have overdrafts oans, credit cards etc as i saw all the havock from his divorce. But people assume you can just 'stick it on plastic' until we are sorted out...we can't

We've been together 6 years and have a 24 mth old dd. Our relationship has always been fun, sexy and solid. We've had rough times and have supported each other and others to the maximum. I would not be who i am today if it were not for him.

However all this mess has really taken it's toll on our realtionship. We fight and bicker all the time. He's started telling me i am selfish a bitch and nasty. That i should leave him as i'm obviously not happy.

His confidence has really taken a dive and he now mopes around the house, watching tv..etc etc. On my days off from work i am looking for a full time job for him and me...trapsing around agencies..i've attended interviews and been offered 3 jobs ..so i should be over the moon....but they are not starting for a month. And i know he is feelign left behind as he is eother over-experinced (as he was an area sales anger) or not experinced enough in that industry blah blah. Or they want degrees and qualifications he doesnt have as he worked his way up.

We have no money for dd and FTC are taking ages, same as housing benefits and JSA for him.

I just want to be the old us again...but i daren't speak to him at the moment for i know it will turn into a blazing row....over nothing.

I left all my friends behind when i met him to move away..and then we moved 2 years ago and i left all my 'new friends'...plus they all have their own problems.

I feel so lonely i am not close to my family..even though they help us out because of dd..9they are brill grandparents..just were crap parents).

Sorry to moan on but i haven't a clue what to do!

I don't think I can help-but wanted to give you lots of hugs-it must be so tough for you right now.
Please try and hang in there together-it sounds like you have a relationship that is worth keeping-it just has to try and weather this enormous life change.
Your Dp sounds like he is depressed which is understandable given the knock to his confidence. As hard as it is for you-try and let him know always that you love him to bits. You will find each other again when you get over this enormous difficulty
sorry I cannot help

Shiraz,
Sorry to hear of your hard time. My DH was made redundant when DS1 was 3 months old, they were so harsh about it and only told his boss 15 mins before the rest of the team..

However DH got his CV sorted and posted it on reed.co.uk looked on fish4 jobs and other local agencies. He is also another one without a degree, he worked his way up from being 18 when he left college.

I'm also not close to my family, in terms of distance, and his parents are useless, they didn't even tell any other family members he hda been made redundant, as if it was some shame he brought on them! Grrr!

I would just say get DH to go on the web and get his CV out there. THere will be a job for him!

Good Luck.

Thanks for that Chipkid!

I find myself feeling really distant at the moment...i'm upset and things are so different to how they used to be!

It really hurts when he calls me names..because i don't agree with him or make a comment that he didnt like.

I know deep down he doesn't mean it and he loves me truely as he tells me so all the time. But i don't think people realise how much this has gotten too me! I'm the one picking up the peices.

I've since lost touch with alot of people i've chatted to on the internet (a forum) over the past few years as they said i was being overdramamtic and draining the site. Someone made up sime lies and they chose to believe them. Alot of the members all said that they realsied i was being honest but they got their bitchy arses in their hands and the moderators de-activate dmy account. Just when i need them the most.

Sorry i know that is hardly anything to do ith it but they were my life line...

Just Thanks.....xxxxx

Mumatuks,

we are searching everywhere possible. But we do not have the money to relocate..and we just cannot find anythign in our area what so ever.

Thje only job we could find is for another seperate franchise, for the company group whom he last worked for. And i am rather worried that one of his ex directors would just give him a shite reference for spite! That job would be ideal.....workign hours great etc etc...but whether he should od it or not...who knows!

I didn't think they could do a bad reference anymore. A company refernce can only confirm that you DH worked there for x years at X dates.
Does he have a good work friend who would give be a personal referree?

It seems to me he's saying these things to you because of his loss of confidence. He thinks that you should leave him as he's no good to you, can't support you as he would like to etc. etc. My dh was much the same when he was out of work a few years ago.

Have you tried telling him that you're sorry that you've come across as selfish, you didn't mean to, and that you don't want to leave him. Even though it doesn't seem to me that you're being selfish, perhaps this is what he needs to hear just now. Humour him for a while and his mood might improve (works for me!).

How would he react to a suggestion that he should see a gp about his state of mind? Sounds like he's falling into depression, which is totally understandable.

I think Mumatuks is right about the reference btw, I have had a bit to do with recruitment in the past and these days most companies just state length of service, sickness record and verifying job title etc.

I know companies can't or shouldn't givbe a bad reference..doesn't mean they won't!!

I do tel him all the time that i don;t mean to be selfish, or seem that way but it's hurting me too and without anyone to turn too...i have myself to think about too!

We've had a good chat this afternoon, but i fear it's one of those that we have evry other day now and in a few days (or hours) time we will be arguing again!

When we are on the op it will all change ...i know!

TANGERINECATH....are you cath aka Lincsmum Cath???

Thanks Ladies, Beccy xxx

cant he just do something - anything just to bring in some cash to sort the bills out? sorry he's probably looking all the time its just a thought.

Oh Becs honey I didn't realise it was you!

if there's anything I can do let me know

(((Hugs)))

Don't worry Cath!

I was just chatting to Lynne and Linnie the other day on MSN and when i saw your name i suddenly realised it was you! .

I'm sorry to hear you are having difficulties at work babe! Mark's going through a no win no fee organisation who have found him two lawyer firms wanting to take on his case for Unfair Dismissal. I was rather wary at first and in all honesty i am not bothered about us getting any money just them sods having to pay out and suffer if that makes sense at al!

It's just we've been living this mess for months now! and at times i just feel like giving up!

LovemyGirls..he is trying bless him, but he gets knocked back for being too...well because he is an area manager..people are not wanting to employ him in a lower positon, or he has no experience in the industries available. Alhtough it's looking like we could be re-locating yet again! which i'd rather not do!
As we have no money to do it, and i'd have to make friends all over again...etc etc! I find it pretty easy to find work myself so that isn't really a downside.

Thanks so much ladies! xxx