I can't get past this

[NoFate]

I've namechanged. I think I've been sweeping things under the proverbial carpet. Do you think that there is any possibility that a child (5 or 6 years old) can behave in a sexually provocative manner without there being abuse from an adult? It goes without saying that no fault could attach to the child in any way, but I just need to know.

That's the question really, all of it. There is no child at risk, not any more.

Thank you very much.

I think that kind of behaviour is a red flag.

It could be a matter of other influences, eg. watching adult films (am thinking of Dirty Dancing, Grease et al, not anything pornographic).

ummmm. I'm no expert but the moves, words, actions have to come from somewhere.....so there has to be some experience..person, video, internet.....YUK, YUK and YUK all of which would be abuse in my opinion...glad child is safe. Report perpetrator anyway...s/he is dangerous......

I think you have to be more specific about what you mean by 'sexually provocative'. Big difference between 'sexy dancing' and grabbing adults genitals for eg.

Yes, for example some of the young girls in Big Fat Gypsie Weddings dance in a provocative way.

Its a cause for concern, but I wouldnt jump to conclusions. What is the behaviour?

I think it depends what you mean by provocative (and please don't feel you need to elaborate). I think some stuff is natural and part of their learning from adults safely but other stuff is a definite flag. If it makes you uncomfortable is this you or the child? For example, of you were abused you may be hyper-sensitive to it (I was and am).

Perhaps call NSPCC and speak with someone there?

I think it depends a lot on what the behaviour is, and whether there are any other grounds for suspecting something to be wrong. Kids can be exuberant, at home in their own bodies and inclined to explore their own bodies in ways which may make some adults uncomfortable if the adults have issues of their own.

Grabbing of adult's genitals is probably nearest, not so much grabbing as 'fondling' or holding. It seems very wrong to even think it. The adult could have been the child's father or grandfather.

The child was actually me. I can't remember, I think I've blocked it out all of these years. I can't recall specific incidents of any abuse but I loathe being touched by my Mum and it feels like I'm punishing her. I don't see my dad, send a birthday card and that's it. My grandfather is dead. He used to grope my mother and walk into my bedroom when he visited until I put a lock on the door.

I don't know whether it's best to 'let sleeping dogs lie' - or even what to do if I wanted to find out, because I just don't know for sure but the 'blanking out' takes more and more work these days.

Thank you for all of your responses, I really appreciate them. It's a horrible subject and I didn't know where to post.

Without knowing the type of behaviour you are referring to, it's not possible to give an informed opinion.

That said, a child that has been eroticised at any early age needs urgent pyschological intervention as 'sweeping it under the carpet' or 'hoping that they'll forget what's happened to them' is not in the child's best interests in either the short or the long term.

Hi I've been trained in Child Protection, and one of the things to look for when suspecting sexual abuse is what you describe.

Sorry. Massive red flag. Think you should talk to a professional. It is a huge abuse of your trust. I am wary of unnecessarily stirring things up but it sounds as if you can't keep this hidden and stay emotionally healthy.

for you. I think you need to talk to someone who knows about repressed memories and find a way through. If the memories are forcing their way to the front of your mind then it may be as well to "manage" their rediscovery rather than suddenly be floored by them at some point in the future.

OP I am so sorry for your experience, whatever it was.

Oh, I'm so sorry. It does absolutely sound as if you either saw too much or experienced something yourself. Please see your GP and see if you can get a referral to a professional. ((hug))

Aiding and encouraging a patient to have the confidence to open locked doors to their past in order to recover and exorcise memories that may have been suppressed should not be attempted by anyone other than a specifically trained practitioner.

Visit your GP and ask to be referred to your nearest NHS psychiatric/psychological unit.

As you may have to wait sometime before your initial assessment appointment, I would suggest that you keep a notebook handy and write down the content of any 'flashes' you experience, together with anything else that comes to mind when thinking about about your younger years.

Regard the notebook as being your 'safe place' - the place where you can record any unwelcome memories of the past and, in doing so, render them powerless to cause you distress in the here and now.

NoFate, I'm so sorry. How awful and difficult for you to getting to grips with. There are (very sadly) many posters with experience of sexual abuse on here. I do hope one or two will be around to support and help you soon.
Your grandfather sounded like a total bastard - and a dangerous one at that.
Hugs xx

Oh. :(

I was hoping that there would be other explanations, but I guess I knew really. I will visit my GP. I've started making some very positive changes in my life and this seems to have reared up from somewhee and I can't get it out of my head. Better that it's out in the open.

I'm so grateful for your posts and advice but also sorrowful as I knew when I was typing that this can be horribly triggering.

well, just to throw things in the mix. I currently teach a child who has had a brain tumour. The tumour has left scar tissue in an area of the brain, I'm not sure of the medical details... Anyway, he is overly sexual aware for a 7 year old. Some very odd behaviours. I think we are just quick to jump to conclusions. They might just have watch the wrong thing on TV.

I suspect that it's precisely because you've made some 'very positive changes' in your life that these memories are beginning to make their presence known to you.

You may find it encouraging to know that the reason why they are coming to the forefront of your mind is that there is a part of you, your 'core' or 'soul' for want of a better term, that believes you have the emotional strength and resilience to process memories which may, initially, be disturbing or distressing but will eventually enable you to become 'whole'.

As it will take some time before you can be seen by an approved therapist, please feel free to pm me if you if you find that these memories surface at the most inconvenient times and cause you to feel increasingly unsettled in the interim.